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How to Evoke Small Talk and Actually be Good at It

18 December 2009 No Comment

We all like being in a comfort zone. We like being able to say whatever we want while having the confidence that whichever way the girl wants to take it, there’s nothing wrong with what you say. If it’s a little rude, you can laugh it off together; if it’s silly, you can be confident enough she doesn’t take it too seriously; if it’s smart, she may get impressed. But what if you’re taken out of the comfort zone? What then? Usually, a man’s weakest point in getting a woman to like him is the actual part of starting small talk with the woman he finds attractive. When you see a woman you like, thoughts start racing throughout your mind. ‘What should I say? What reply should I expect? What if she thinks that’s stupid or not funny? I will look like a fool and feel embarrassed!’ These are all thoughts that are irrelevant to what small talk is actually about. In fact, 80% of what you say when you are making a first impression isn’t even based on what you say, but how you say it! There are three things you must incorporate into your small talk strategy that will guarantee you a spot in evoking a conversation with the woman you want, and actually turning out to be interesting enough for her to want to continue chatting with you.

Hello Girls!
In a starting up small talk, the way you say anything has to make you sound interesting and has to make the girl notice you. You must stand out from the rest of the pack and need to sound enthusiastic. You could be the wittiest man on earth, but if you can’t present that wittiness with passionate enthusiasm that will intrigue, then your talent is worthless. All of these methods require confidence to actually come right out and say what you feel appropriate, but also you must use your hands and body language to accentuate your words. You must get the attention of not only your target but also all the group members she’s with. Become the centre of attention with your ability to make whatever you say, no matter how uninteresting, seem interesting.

Word Play
Of course what comes out of your mouth matter as well, but that’s almost secondary to how you say things. Most importantly is not to seem boring and to always keep reigniting conversation whenever it looks to be going sour. Say things that are informal and witty. Things that are original and most other guys wouldn’t say to women. It is crucial that you do not make any reference to hitting on her. This shouldn’t be done until later in the conversation. After you’ve acquainted and have picked up on signs that she is interested enough in you to want to pursue some future foundation, that is when it is appropriate for you to embrace her with a few indirect compliments and strategically sarcastic remarks that you two can laugh off and she can see you’re a smooth talker. Also, women love to talk about themselves once they feel a little comfortable around the man, so in the beginning you’ll have to do most of the talking and trying to get her to feel comfortable around you, but then shine the spotlight on her and evoke a conversation around her interests so she can do most of the talking.

Set the Vibe
This is a basic element in the small talk aspect, but it’s just as important as the previous two. Smile and look into her eyes. I cannot stress it enough how important it is that in the process of making her feel comfortable around you, that you look into her eyes. While smiling makes you look appealing and confident. Also, establishing slight physical contact creates a closer connection between the two of you. When she’s talking and if there is music in the background, you can lean in, putting your hand on her shoulder to be able to hear her out properly. Do not be hesitant or scared, because then the woman is able to pick up on your insecurity with the move and may feel reluctant to want to continue your conversation.

So to summarize, what’s more important than what you say is how you say it, so be enthusiastic. Accentuate your words with physical gestures, and make sure what you say is nothing serious or formal. Establish a connection by looking into her eyes and genuinely smiling when she speaks.

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