How to Let Him Go When You Still Love Him
Hey Robby, I’ve been reading some of your advice and you’re really good. I was
hoping you could help me.
Yesterday was my boyfriend’s and my 11 month celebration. I slept over at his
house and he woke me up angry because he checked his facebook and there was a
message from a girl telling him i had been messing around with her boyfriend. At
first, I denied it and then I told him the truth. He got so angry and hurt and
he was crying and I was crying and the things he said were like stabs but all I
could do was sit there and take it because I really had nothing to say for
myself except for that I was sorry that I did it, and that he found out this
way, and that whether he believed me or not, I loved him and I still do and I
will for a very long time.
I know you’ve heard this all before. But that girl’s boyfriend was actually one
of 4 guys I met on the site, chatroulette. I was talking to them and one thing
led to another and we did basically everything dirty possible that could be done
through skype and email. I did this about a month ago for 2 weeks. (and for the
record, I had no idea that guy had a girlfriend, and i stopped talking to him
when i found out). I honestly don’t know why I did it, an answer which sounded
really bad when my ex asked me why I did it.
Sorry for the long message, but I want someone to give it to me straight. I don’t
think my friends are giving me honest answers. Will he ever forgive me? Will he
consider taking me back? If not, is there anything I can do to help him get over
me? As terrible a thought as it is, even if it means making him hate me more, I
would do anything for him to be happy again, even if it’s not with me.
Will He Take You Back?
Taking you back, and forgiving you are two completely different things. There is a chance that he will take you back, and that really all depends on the type of person he is. I personally am a little more cold-hearted when it comes to cheating or anything in that nature, so I probably would move on and find someone else. However, a lot, and I do mean A LOT of men are quite lenient to getting back together with their woman even after there has been deception just because love is an extremely strong force and loneliness is something none of us want to feel.
When it comes to forgiving you, nonetheless, I very doubt that he will be able to just move on and get back to things as they were before. I don’t know your boyfriend so it’s hard to say, but if he cried along with you when he discovered what was happening then it’s more than likely that he had very strong feelings for you and he doesn’t really want to lose you, however the situation has forced him to make a serious decision about your relationship.
If you keep talking to him, messaging him, and telling him that it was all a mistake and you love him then there is a chance that he will take you back. You must consider that even if he does take you back, the chances are that he will have it in the back of his mind and it will not be the same for a very long time. A lot depends on how things were prior to this incident and if you shared a strong love for each other or if it was just another relationship with a serious bond.
What’s for the Best?
You mentioned that you are in love with him, and even if he doesn’t want to take you back, you are ready to do anything just so he is happy. That’s a very noble thing to say and do and shows a lot about you character as well as your feelings toward him. It shows that you do acknowledge your wrongs and would do anything for him. It was a mistake and you should try to portray to him that you are sincerely sorry for it. Now you must also think what is best for this situation. Is this relationship worth savoring, or maybe the real reason you did what you did was because you were bored or you wanted to experiment with something new. Though you claim you don’t know why you did what you did, there must be reason, and you must yourself figure it out, because if you do not and you get back together there is a chance that it will be a mistake.
You feel awful at the moment for the betrayal, and you cannot believe yourself you were able to make such a foolish mistake, but there is something in you that was ready to do it and was ready to reap the consequences. What was the difference that the guy on ‘chatroulette’ had a girlfriend or didn’t–why did you feel the need to even start up messing around with him in any possible way? Before you decide to get back together with your ex, think about that and try hard to find an answer, because that will reveal to you if you are in fact making a mistake with trying to get back with him or not.
Making your ex hate you just so he forgets about you can work, but at the same time I believe not talking to him and ignoring him would suffice in this situation to get him in forgetting about you. Breaking all forms of communication will get him thinking about other people and things and after some time he will gradually get over you. Forgetting about you will be difficult, but it is something that he must do on his own and though you want to help him, unless you want to make things worse, it is best to let him overcome this situation in his individual way.