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How to Tell if He Likes You

4 March 2010 20 Comments

Well, there is this guy, we met a little over a year ago through a mutual
friend, and we began a friends with benefits relationship. I started to like
him but he told me he had messed with another girl, so we stopped talking we
just started talking again and a few weeks ago, we began the friend w/
benefits relationship again. Well I have always liked him, but not sure how
he feels about me…. I mean like earlier it snowed and he rode a mopad just
to see me.. I really need to know if it sounds like it could be more or not,
and if so how could i approach being more? He always comes in and hugs me
and kisses me and kisses me before he leaves… just really confused!


When you say he drove through the snow just to see you do you actually “see” you or to have sex with you? Because that makes a big difference. I’m not exagerating–driving a moped through snow is a minor inconvenience when it comes to getting a fuck out of it. However, if it is actually just to see and be with you (without intentions of getting laid) then he does think of you as someone more than just a friend with benefits.

Also, the kisses and hugs could just be part of his method to keep you around so you don’t think he’s not into you anymore. I don’t want to sound bleak, but I personally have in the past told my fuck buddy that I’ve slept with another girl just so the current fuck buddy wouldn’t think that there is anything more between us than just the sex. However, when I’ve cheated on my girlfriend, I would try my hardest for her not to find out. Telling a fuck buddy you’ve slept with another girl could ease the relationship a bit because she understands that there is nothing serious between them.

What Should You Do To Make Sure

A sure way to make sure whether he likes you more than just a friend with benefits is to look for the following signs:

  • He calls you to set dates (dinner, a movie, etc) that don’t end up in the bedroom.
  • He avoids talking about other girls in fear of getting you jealous.
  • He likes to stick around after the sex and doesn’t seem anxious to leave.
  • He likes it when you hang out with him and his friends.
  • Gets quiet or jealous (or changes the subject) when you discuss other men with him.
  • He shows affection by calling to see if got home okay or how your evening out was.
  • Now, if he doesn’t do any or close to any of those then the chances are he only likes you as a friend with benefits and isn’t looking for a relationship. Over the next few days try to pick up on the listed criteria and you’ll know if he likes you more than a friend with benefits.

    20 Comments »

    • Cindy said:

      It seems so logical but we girls just put so much thought into whether he likes or dislikes us and we look at it all out of context and blur the lines. I guess we always make excuses that will justify that he really does like us just didn’t have time to call or lost my number and stuff like that. It’s nice even though sad sometimes, to get back in check with these sort of posts.

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    • Confused Jane said:

      Hi Rob! It’s me, Confused Jane, the one who was talking to you about “Paul”, the good friend of 2yrs who turned in to a FWB/FuBu in just one night.

      [CHECK!] He calls you to set dates (dinner, a movie, etc) that don’t end up in the bedroom.
      [CHECK!] He avoids talking about other girls in fear of getting you jealous. (But I did ask him what happened to this other chick he used to be seeing, and that was the only time he talked of another girl. He’d only ever talk about ex’s or other girls if I asked him about it)
      [CHECK!] He likes to stick around after the sex and doesn’t seem anxious to leave. (Well, he wants ME to stick around some more)
      [CHECK?] He likes it when you hang out with him and his friends. (We have the same group of friends)
      [omg CHECK!] Gets quiet or jealous (or changes the subject) when you discuss other men with him.

      Thank you for this. I just realized it now… as I was talking about my ex to him, instead of giving me advice about it, he would just quietly agree, nod his head, or change the subject!
      And whenever I saw a guy I thought was cute & would nudge him & tell him & sortof expect him to egg me on or cheer me for it even, instead he changed the subject, like
      “So what are you really looking for right now? What kind of relationship are you seeking?”
      and “What do you like in a guy?”

      Do these things mean that “Paul” is really in to me..? And doesn’t just want to get in to my pants..?

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      Robby G Reply:

      @Confused Jane: Stop thinking about it right now, because Yes, he is into you! lol I could tell from your previous question that you over thinkg things and need to realize men aren’t too complicated. And if checked to all of those criteria then he definitely has feelings for you. The fact that he directly “joked” that you should rebound from your ex and he would take your spot should have been enough for you to realize there is something there. I put more info in my other comment, so check it out, but anywho, I hope you well because you already have this guy who knows so much about you and now you have incorporated sex into it, so if he is still into you after so many years then go for it and try out a relationship.

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      Confused Jane Reply:

      Hi Robby G!!! It’s me again!!! Well, it’s been… almost 7months since the whole “Paul” situation =) I thought I’d just give you all an update *^_^*
      Paul & I have now been on a steady relationship since September & he and I could not be more in love. I’m GLAD I gave it a try & didn’t let my fears hinder me.
      Anyway, to the other girls out there, let’s not overthink things & just..well, go for it!
      Again, thanks Robby G for all your help. & I hope all the other girls here will find their answers soon enough 😉
      TC!

      Best,
      C.J.

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    • Kate said:

      Help!!!! Ok here goes, I have been gettin to no this guy for 6 months now. He is in the army so I get to see him a few times a month depending when he is back home. Since the day we met we ain’t stopped textin, more than oftern he texts first, and always ending with gud night sweet dreams. When we meet up it’s not just for sex. When we do have sex, the sex has now changed he is even more considersate, intermate, kissing my lower back and legs, strokin my hair. After we lie there him holding me, have random convo, making each other laff, telling me stories of work. We then get dressed to go down stairs for a smoke we are there talking he holdin me constanly kissing me tucking his hands into to top of my jeans, when we stop kissin he still holds me. He kissed me on the forehead and still even more slow soft kissed when he leaves. Then after he has gone 15 20 mins later he texts!
      While he as in afghan he was messaging me when he cud, which I wasn’t expecting, them soon as he got home the constant texts started again. He met me for a drink the morning after he was back. I wanted to go for a “ride” in the car but he surprised me with the answer, I want our first time since me being back to be good not a fumble in the back seat, do u mind if we wait!! He tells me he likes me, sends me photo which he takes for me and that no one else has seen, he says I’m addicive, when he thinks he has said something wrong to me and I don’t text back he calls and gets worried!! He goes back away for 6 months but already has plans to stay in contact when away and see me when he gets back. Is this someone who has feelings for me?

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    • Alice said:

      Hi, okay so hopefully you can help me out with this.. I can sort of relate with the past stories I’ve read here, but here’s the thing with me.. my ex-boyfriend is my fuck buddy. We only went out for like a month, but ever since we broke up we’ve still been seeing eachother and we broke up like 4 years ago now…but it took us two years to start having sex. So it’s been two years that we’ve been fuck buddies.. and I’m confused to the max! because when we’re together, it’s like we’re still boyfriend girlfriend but without the title. And there has been situations when he does get jealous if he finds out other guys want to start seeing me or have a thing for me… he never says anything… he just stays quiet and doesn’t really say much. And when we do have sex, it’s not just like we have sex and he leaves. Sometimes he does, but most of the times he stays and cuddles with me and it’s only been one time that he did sleep over, but that time I was home alone ( I live with my sister ) but I know that if I lived alone he’d spend the night more often. So yes he’s sweet to me and everything, but this is what throws me off: He only sees me to have sex.

      Before, we did use to hang out like actually hang out at his house and watch movies together… or go to the park or movies..and this was after we broke up. But now, it’s been a while that he doesn’t take me out like that.. and only sees me for sex, and I actually straight up told him one night how I felt about him just calling me up for sex… how I felt used by him, and the look on his face I could tell he felt bad, and he told me that he didn’t want me to feel that way and that he wanted to start seeing me more often..

      And I told him that I didn’t want him to tell me that only because I had made him feel guilty or anything like that, and he said no, that he really does want to, not just because I said it, but that because he wanted to.

      So a month past and I didn’t see him. He did call me through out the month but he said he was really busy and he couldn’t see me…. and I know i’m going to sound naive… but I actually do believe him cause he goes to a university and is working currently two jobs and on the side he makes mini movies and music videos for local upcoming artists… And also a while ago when he met my sister, he told her that he knows how I feel like maybe I don’t belive him about him being busy, but that he really does care about me and this and that. I do notice how he changed after I told him how I felt about being used… But I do belive actions speak louder than words. He only tells me he wants to see me… and that makes me believe that he cares… but he is STILL only seeing me for sex…..

      He does call me and text me at times to see how I’m doing… but then again when we see each other it’s just booty calls. And well yesterday he actually told my best friend that she, him and I should hang out soon…. which is really weird because he never really hangs out with me and my friends together. It’s always just me and him… so idk if to take this as a good thing or a bad thing?? Because in a way yeah, it makes me smile that he actually told my best friend that the three of us should hang out… but then again, I feel like maybe this is his way of letting me know we’re just friends?? because just the fact that I haven’t seen him in a month, I feel like he should want to hang out just me and him….not hang out with my friends and I…. It’s just the fact that he hardly ever does that, it makes me scared a little cus I don’t know what that means. Maybe I over think things too much… But since I haven’t seen him since about a month now… I feel it’s just a little weird and out of the blue that he all of a sudden wants to include my friends. Help haha.

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    • J said:

      So I have a question. I’ve been seeing this guy on and off for a whole year now. We are just friends with benefits. All the way back in the beginning of all this I was so confused because I knew I could definitely fall for this guy. I’ve known him ever since highschool and although we were never too friendly with each other through the years, we did become friendly through social networking. He once asked me to go over to his house. I did. Nothing happened that night. We both had a bit to drink and ended up passing out on separate couches. Once the morning came I realized he had gone into his bedroom to sleep and I had then left without warning to him. We saw each other again, (after my telling him I was interested in getting to know more about him). Before seeing each other again, he explained how he is not looking to commit to a relationship with anyone. I understood but saw him anyway and that’s of course the first night anything happened between us. A few nights later he texted asking if I’d come by. I turned him down because I was on my way to sleep. He told me I could just go sleep there, and nothing even has to happen, we could just sleep. I said no anyway… he then texted back saying “I just had…nevermind, I’m not someone to go out of your way for anyway”. I asked what he meant but he never, even to this day, told me what he was about to say. We kept seeing each other on and off. In the beginning it seemed he really liked me as more. He once texted me asking if I hate him now after not responding back to quickly to one of his texts. I explained I didn’t and that I’d just been busy. I grew feelings for him. Stupidly, I told him in not so many words but words saying that I did like him. He said he liked me only as a friend. I became a bitch. We stopped talking. Started talking again a few months later. This has been a pattern. The other night, he asked me to come by, after so many months of not speaking. I turned him down…. he kept asking, so finally I gave in. We did the deed. And then he cuddled with me in his arms and told me of how he had been at a strip club that night and kept telling the girls there with their boyfriends that they can do better and deserve better. He told me of how one of his friends girls who work there (not as a stripper) kept telling him off for lecturing them. I thought it was respectful that he thinks in that way. I didn’t say that, or much of anything. He then started patting me on the head and I asked what the hell he was doing..he said that’s his way of cuddling and that he’s not a cuddler, so I was about to get off of him and actually acted it out saying oh, I’ll move…and he pulled me back down onto him and then wrapped his arms around me. And then we fell asleep. Why do I feel he likes me as more and is just scared? Should I feel this way? He once told me of how his ex had gotten kind of physically abusive to him, he cut that story short (a while ago) and said he had to leave (while at my place). Maybe it has a lot to do with his last relationship, and how he can’t get close now?? Please, any advice is greatly appreciated.

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    • Ashley said:

      Hi, i was hoping you could help me with this. I met this guy 7 months ago. He asked me out, and we went on a few dates. Eventually we started spending everyday together for a month. I slept with him. Then school started back up. He is in medical school, and Im nursing. Slowly we started seeing less of each other, and the texts slowed also. We see eachother about evey other week. Normally Id be like well fuck this. But when we see eachother he brings me around friends. Then he does things that are thoughtful. Like he bought me roses, he buys me odd things, takes me to the movie and dinner. He remembers everything i tell him. So then i asked him what we were, and he said we are commited, but no gf/bf. And honestly i dont see a difference except seeing other people, but he claims to not see other people. So im super confused. What do you think from a mans stand point? End it, or continue on?

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      Confused Jane Reply:

      ASHLEY, this guy sounds like a keeper. He’s probably just feeling things out with you. Don’t rush in to things. Continue on, my friend ;^) Good luck!

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    • Carol said:

      Hi Robby g.Theaz this guy i met some few weeks ago thru his cousin.We went out n on the 2nd date i spent at his place.Nutin happened that nyt bt the next day evening after fooling around all day we had sex.I am committed to smeone else and this guy knows.I thought that it was only for one time fun but this guy calls or texts me all day long.He tells me he likes me n iv started to like him too.He keeps telling me he is jealous n he wants me to be his alone n does nt want to share me with anybody.He even keeps telling me to take sme of my clothes over to his place.Is this guy really serious?

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    • jayne said:

      hey guys……. of course im here also to hear peoples thoughts on my fuck buddy..if that what he is still I dont know.
      To start off…um, we met by a threesome with him and his mate I knew…yeah not cool huh & at the time he also had a gf..ops. Now after it, the guy friend didnt really care bout me. But my fuck buddy did (even with a gf) she was back home in another state where he lived but he moved down to my state for work etc. Still every now and then he would call me over, i know shouldnt have done it but I liked seeing him because every other guy id seen would never talk to me after sex. They would get what they want then bamn! gone!. His gf did find out but i lied & usually when guys get busted they ditch the side dish aka me but he kept talking to me.
      Ok so this was 3 years ago so two years ago, he moved back to his state so no more sex. BUT he didnt get rid of me like i thought he would. I mean, whats the point? We cant root in a distance. He would always text me on weekends saying how much he wants to see me rah rah rah. Then he got so drunk he even said he loved me and wanted to do long distance, and the friend who was in the threesome was there too and he said to me the next day that he reckens our friend likes me more cause he always talks bout me when his drunk. When his Sober he denies it. He called few weeks later when he was with his friends and he was stalking my facebook & was saying his friends thought i was hot too. Someone denied in the background and he went off at them saying no im beautiful they dont know what they are talking about and told me not to listen. A year gone and he still texts how good i am etc but when we did meet cause i sorta said i might like him, he went weird and we didnt do anything..then he made a lie so i wouldnt come over to him to make it up to him. So i left him alone. Now his texted me saying he really misses talking to me and im the only girl who gets him and knows what he likes etc and his most comfortable with. Is there anything in this? Is he just scared to wanna try and be together cause we are now in diff states and last time, that failed with his now x girlfriend. I mean, honestly he gets girls but in the end its me he thinks bout and wants to see when i think he should let me go cause we dont see each other anymore. Its so confusing please help!

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    • confused said:

      so hers the deal i meet this guy 6 years ago while boarding at his parents place and for the few months i was there we became “fuck buddies” after i moved out we stayed in contact a little and at one point about 2 years later he even asked me out but i was in a relationship at the time and turned him down. we then lost contact for awhile then about a year ago we got in contact again he asked was i singal yet and i said no. his next words were “well how will i ever get to fuck you agin if your not singal” as time went on we kept chating on line and text and eventully meet up and hung out one night, the texting kept up and in no time we were sleeping together again…..the attraction is very strong between, but he did say to me that he was not in this to break up a relationship, yet he tells me he likes wakeing up next to me. he even onece told me i will always hold a place in his heart….i guess long story short sometimes when were together he meakes me feel like he wants more by his words and actions and times he makes it feel like its just what it is and nothing more, trouth is i rally do like this guy and i dont know what to say to him for fear i may be thinking to much into it, and we really do have a good thing going which i do not want to mess up

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    • Angela said:

      HEY! I have a question..I’ve been pondering for this last week..so my fuck buddy (at least I’d call it that way) & are are sort of in a fight now..which idk how. We’ve seen eachother for a year but it’s been on and off cause he’s busy with work & soccer & I’m busy with school n work. But we’ve only fucked twice n hung our numerous times n smoke a lot together. & we hung out one time but couldn’t do anything cause I was on my period but we jst chilled & later on I gave him head but he was being all cute with me. But he says I give him weed faces all the time which makes him feel like he doesn’t know what’s going on in my head..? Idk but my question is..we never talked about of we were actually fuck buddies or anything & so last Friday I had a party n he came but I was drunk off my ass & don’t recall half the night but by the last ten mins when he was leaving he sent me a text saying “you’re a weirdo making people come I me” & I ha no idea what he meant by that but I remember that I wasn’t even talking to anyone about him n I..& so the next day his bro had ppl ova n his bro said “I would of let youu come but my bro said u n him r sorta in a fight” & that’s where I’m confused..because I didn’t think “we” were “anything” to even get in a “fight” together? If any of that makes sense

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    • Jane said:

      So I have been hooking up with a guy from work for about 4 months now. We usually get together a couple of nights a week and he pretty much only calls later at night. For the most part we are just fuck buddies. We don’t go on dates and although I stay the night, we are both busy so we don’t hang out and do breakfast or whatever.

      We have both been very clear that we aren’t looking for a relationship etc. However, I am confused because he has started to invite me over but not for sex. For example he just wanted to watch tv and cuddle last night. I am wondering if this is just because he is stressed out right now or if he wants something more. Either way, what is the best way for me to handle it??

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    • Kat said:

      Hmm I am wondering cause I like this dude
      for about like um I’m sure 6 yrs now going
      and he knows my name now and they
      pointed it out to him I Am the girl that
      wrote him the note and I really like
      him and would Like to get know him
      or even more I’m just wanteing to know
      how to do this and I even see him starin at
      me and my friend notice him doing it to
      and he stares alot while I am going to get
      lunch and even when I’m waiting for my
      guy friend and stuff and he smiles at me
      but we’ve never meet like in talking at
      all and I am a very shy person so
      of u can please leave me a MSG and answer
      cause I need help cause no one seems to
      wanna help me out and I’ve never had a bf
      and I would like to go out with this
      dude jason frm my school I’m in
      high school also

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      Kat Reply:

      I hope u answer tho

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    • rose said:

      So I have had a fb for about 6 months…and in the beginning it was strictly just sex and I was OK with that. But now I’m confused because he acts different. Examples: we talk about more in important things. He calls me baby or babygirl. He came over new years Eve shocked me didn’t think he would and on top of that he spent the night for the first time that night . And now when we have sex it feels more like we make love. It’s driving me crazy because I feel like he cares but he keeps to himself and won’t open up. I don’t want to put myself out there just to find out it didn’t mean anything.

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    • Moniee said:

      I’ve Been Having sex with the guy who took my virginity & we’ve been messinq with each other for going on 2 years – obviously i caught feelings for him but i never admitted it to him , He knows i Loved him bt iNever admitted it because we were basically friends with benefits & he made it clear dat he never liked me & we shuldnt have startd messing around – he denies ever messing with me , lies on me & dawgs me out bt me being soo gone over him i havent let go , & when im close to letting go , he doesnt let me – especially wen we have arguements or disagreements he decides hes gonna call & ‘confront ‘ me – smh we’ve been dealing with each other 4 a while & i’ve been seeing some changes in our ‘relationship’ – after sex he wants to sit & talk to me , shockingly about us sometimes-he’ll reminece about our past with everything thats happend , wen i call him he comes to me , & We jus chill – im confused about his feelings because i didnt see a change since imade the comment that iloved him soo can somebody help me , hes my first love & he’s lockd up – iWrote him , & my feelings are throughout the letter , do yu think he’ll write me back or even feel the same way i do ?? – Sumbody Please Comment & Help Me Kus Its Making Me Lose My Mind ; HELP

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    • Confused But Im Doing Just Fine said:

      I have always been the one to just mess around with guys and I havent really been the “girlfriend” type in a very long time. My last boyfriend and I ended on mutual terms yet somehow we ended up hooking up months later, and repeated. This went on for years. So now everytime I talk to a guy I give it up to early and Im not exactly sure why. Anyways. I have currently been hooking up with this guy: casual sex, just makeout sessions, oral, seems to be anything that satifies us at that moment. I recently have aquired feeling for him yet dont want to give up the sex. I dont have a problem with turing my emotions off but wanted to know if there is a way I could see if he maybe had the same feelings for me. We text often, sexual and casual. When we run into eachother he smiles and give me a wink but rarely will he start a conversation. As I mentioned I dont mind if I have to keep my emotions off but would love to know if there is a way to get his to turn on.
      **Any advice from anyone would be greatly appreciated!**

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    • kristen said:

      so my fuck buddy just fucks with my head. hes an exs friend, and my and my ex broke up mainly because of him. well afeter me znd my ex broke up me and him started hooking up. ever since weve been fuck buddies off and on. before i started dating my ex he liked me. we talk probably like every 3-4 days. I told him i had feelings for ahim a while ago and he still fucks me. he cares for me, as a friend of course. but he’ll do things that just wont make sense. like no one was suppossed to know, and he was “drunk””!, me and him and his friend were hanging out, when i went to my car in the pouring rain he ran to my door before i left and kissed me. tonight, he had a bonefire going and we made out an djust cuddled the whole time. he came over the other day just for no reason, and actualy hung out which he hasnt done in a while. he wants to go to some concerts with me. but were also young, so i think he just sees us going into different paths when we’re older. and thats what keeps us from “dating”. I was telling him tonight about a friends ex hitting on me, and he said ill tell him to fuck off if you dont. i said why,. I just dont understand because he ussually never says anything but like amking fun of him. My feelings for him come and go, hes a good guy! i just dont know if he likes me, or is like every guy out there. he just may be a really good friend, either way i dont mind i just want him in my life. my bestfriend says he likes me but i dont think so, advice pleaseee

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