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I Want to Date My Friend

4 August 2009 5 Comments

Hey Robby, I’ve been reading your blog for a while, and I’ve got to say,
your advice on women have worked, so far.
I made out with a friend I wanted to kiss for a while, and that was good
fun for a while, nothing serious, so thanks again for that!

Now onto the real problem. I’ve had this other friend for a long time, like
5 years or something. She’s always been great to me. When we met I was
starting a relationship that would last for a bit less than 4 years. At
around the two year mark, my girlfriend left town but we kept seeing each
other, long distance style, until the love faded and each went their way.
This friend was always there for me when I needed it -long distance can be
tough- and we used to drink beer, watch movies together, the usual. I knew
there was sexual attraction there, we’d talked about it, but we never acted
on it out of respect for each other’s relationships. I don’t like cheating.
When I broke up with my girlfriend, after a while of one night stands and
whatnot, I decided this friend would be my next target: she’s smart, she’s
beautiful, she’s successful… I’ve always had a thing for her, and
apparently she did too, for me.
The problem is she’s in a relationship, so I worked on it for a while and
finally one day made my move and we kissed. Now, I know she’s not the slutty
type, she actually respects relationships, so I knew this was a big
exception. Her current relationship is pretty shitty, he doesn’t respect her
the way he should, he’s a dick in the bad sense, and she knows this. As a
friend I always wanted her to be happy, and now I want to make her happy,
but how the hell do I go about doing that? I read your article on winning
her over but I don’t think it applies in this case, as I’ve known her for a
I just want my chance of doing what this asshole isn’t doing.

It’s weird that I’m asking for advice on the internet, I’ve never done this
but I think you’ve got your shit sorted, and so far your advice has worked
Thanks mate.

Thanks for the question, I feel very encouraged when people come to me for direct dating advice, especially when they never ask for help over the internet. I thought about what the perfect thing for you to do would be in this situation and this is what I would do in your place. Hope it helps:

First I’d like to praise you for having the minerals to go ahead and show her how you felt by making the move and kissing her. Showing her how you feel is always better than telling her you like her. Now, I can see that you really feel passionate towards this friend of yours and discouraged that even though her current boyfriend doesn’t treat her as well as he should she is still with him. The fact that you’ve already kissed her means she already has a clear idea of how you feel about her and this can only work in your benefit. I was in a very similar situation myself not too long ago and not to be cocky but it was handled with extreme expertise. There is distinct set of things you’ll need to do which should work like a charm.

1. Take it Slow

Since you’ve been friends so long and you know so much about each other already, there is no need to rush anything. Don’t think that you should budge into her relationship and don’t even think that you have any right to. The fact is right now, even though she is your friend, at the end of the day she’s still with her boyfriend who she does have affection for. I’ve seen many friendships end just because the guy friend thought he had some sort of rights over a girl he liked though they were just friends. So that’s key. Make sure not to show that it bothers you that she’s with another man.

2. Find Some Time Alone With Her

Try to find some time when it’s just the two of you. I’m not talking about phone conversations, I’m talking about finding time when it’s just you and her enjoying the night sky. And the key here is to avoid any talk about her current boyfriend. If, in fact, the conversation does somehow turn to being about her and her relationship, make sure you’re not the first to bring it up. If it is brought up, however, do not say anything negative about her boyfriend. I’ve had girls talk a lot of bullshit about their relationships and I’ve learnt over the years to not say anything negative about their man but just the opposite, I try to say good things about their boyfriends. If she says that he treats her bad, reply by saying that maybe it’s certain things she does that makes him mistreat her. You know it’s wrong what he does but you may have to stand on the other guy’s defense. This is important because she sees that your intention isn’t to steal her away but to be a nice guy and help her relationship out. Do not carry the conversation too far. Say something productive about the relationship and move on with it. Go on to something more fun. Don’t seem too concerned about her relationship. The less you know the less you’ll care that she has a boyfriend, which will make it a lot easier for you to not feel bad to the fact that you’re stealing a girl from another man.

3. Show Her a Reason Why You’re Better

In order to show her you’re better for her than her current boyfriend who she already may have issues with, you need to really make her see two things. One, you cannot respect her too much. Girls cannot date a man who respects them more than themselves. Two, that if she dates you instead of just being friends with you then she’s in for a special treat. See, right now she already has you as a good friend and she may not want to get into a relationship with you in order not to complicate things. You must show her (some trickery involved) that if she chooses to date you then your relationship will become even more simplified. So to do this you have to make sure she doesn’t just come to you with her problems. Instead, when she comes to you, your mission should be to make her forget about her problems–not by talking about them, but by enjoying her time spent with you by doing stuff that is actually fun. They can be simple and they can be things that friends and couples do. For example, go out for drinks, but talk about positive things, then take her to the park and get her to sit on the swings. Give her some pushes then have some fun with it. Twirl her around, push her from side to side, basically be in control and somewhat of an asshole but make her see you mean well. Essentially, do things your way but make her laugh and have fun in the process. Once she’s laughing and having fun it’s very easy to get her to see the benefits of you over her current boyfriend.

Be Blunt and Execute

Once you see she’s having a good time with you, make sure you’re not over-ecstatic by the entire situation and not laughing or showing more emotions than her. In fact it may be better that while you’re showing her this whole great, fun time, the emotions that you should want to show her should be collected, slightly indifferent, and as if this sort of fun is an every day thing for you and she would get a chance to experience it regularly if she was to be your girlfriend. Make sure to give her a sense that you’re somewhat wiser than her and someone she may learn a thing or two from. Make sure she sees that there is a difference in the “just friend” Ralenti and the “boyfriend” Ralenti. Give her a sense that if she’s with you, not just as friends but as bf/gf, then she will gain new knowledgde and experiences and will be able to grow as a person. This will put her at ease that you know exactly what you’re doing and that her current boyfriend isn’t allowing her to grow but instead is holding her back from what is right under her nose. And when you find a good moment (let’s use our example), when you get tired of making her laugh and pushing her on the swingset, go over to the bench and take a seat. When she walks over, take her by the arm and pull her to sit either next to you or in your lap. And that’s when you need to make your move. Don’t hesitate (you’ve kissed before) and go for the kiss. She may be reluctant this time around because she may be afraid that if she decides to actually return the kiss this time then she may not be able to end up having the desire to return to her boyfriend. If necessary, use some persuasion and guaranteed she will be yours if all done correctly.

Let me know what you think and if you decide to take this advice then come back after some time (remember to not rush things) and let me know how everything goes.


  • The West said:

    Liking these advice. They’re straight to the point and not all about peeking around the bush. Different situations require different approaches to the same problem and game needs tweeks with every girl you deal with, but the core is there and this post proves it. Nice one.

  • Ralenti Ray said:

    I am very thankful for the quick advice, Robby! It’s exactly what I needed. I was having trouble deciding what to do, and this really makes perfect sense.
    Thanks again, Robby. Very much appreciated.

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Ralenti Ray: No problem at all mate, and I hope all turns out well. Return anytime and let us know how it’s going.

  • Ralenti said:

    I don’t want to rush my judgement, but things are going good, apparently. Every time we see each other I feel a growing indifference from her towards her boyfriend. The other day for instance, we went to a pub, I bought her drinks.
    I knew for a fact she wouldn’t do this if her relationship was healthy, which she reaffirmed later in the evening. It used to be fine when we had drinks because we were just friends, but she said said she wouldn’t normally go out with another man*, but she cares little enough about her boyfriend that she just doesn’t care. The guy knew we were going out for drinks, and he said he was cool about it, but later in the night he was calling her, asking her to come over to another party, which she roundly refused. I just laughed.

    *I don’t know if her choice of words was intentional or not, she might as well could have said ‘friend’, but whatever, I’m not going to read too much into shit.

    Well anyway, just to let you know how things are going this side of the world. Take care.

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Ralenti: I’m really happy to hear that my advice are working out for you and so soon also. She refused to go to a party with her boyfriend to keep drinking with you, I can easily say that’s great progress. Keep playing it cool like that and don’t be afraid to make your move when you feel things heating up and you’ll have this deal closed in no time.

    Cheers! 🙂

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