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If it’s Not Broken, Don’t Fix it

9 November 2010 No Comment

Hi,
I’m really confused right now and I really need your help.
I met him online. He seemed a nice guy so when he asked me out I agreed. We
went for some movies and dinners. And yes we had sex. He never wants to call
me but whenever I call him, he answers and if I want to see him, he’s okay
with that and let me come to see him.
I didn’t want a relationship with him at first, because at that time I just
got out of a really bad 2-year relationship.
He works fulltime and likes to go to the gym after work, but he keeps his
weekend free for friends and stuffs. So I only can see him at weekend
because he has to sleep at 10pm and wake up at 6am. He’s 28 and I’m 20 I’m
still in uni so I stay up late more than he does. We also live far away from
each other, about 30 mins driving.
He never call me, but when I call and ask him to meet up at weekend, he
always say yes and we always spend time with each other like I stay at his
or he stays at mine.
I didn’t have any feeling at first but then I start to have some emotions. I
don’t know but whenever I’m with him, I feel happy. He makes me laugh all the
time. He listens and comments to all of my stupid statements and even when
I’m sad, he tries to make me feel better with all kind of jokes. While we
are sleeping he holds me really tight a whole night. I have never had anyone
held me that tight while sleeping. Even our legs are together too 😀 and
I’m so in love with that feeling he gives to me while we are sleeping. If
I like something he also does for me. If we watch TV and I don’t like the
channel even he likes, he changes for me. I don’t know I’m just so in
love with the time we are together, full of laughs and fun.
But that’s it. He never call me first. He’s pretty a private person too
he never talk much about himself. He always return my missed calls, and
whenever he says he calls later, he does it. I was joking one time, that he
had to call me more don’t let me call him. He laughed and said okay he
would call me but he didn’t. When I called him he said ‘but you didn’t
call me either”.
I don’t know what he wants. He didn’t accept me, I mean show any
interested, and didn’t avoid me. But when I start having all the feelings
stuffs for him after we spend time with each other and all the talk the
laugh, I feel upset. Now I do want a relationship with him but I don’t
think he likes me. But why did he always treat me so nice.
I had one friend with benefit before my ex. He acted totally different. He
kept distance from me, never stay the night. We didn’t talk much about
anything. We only talked a bit about our lives when he came to see me. But
nothing more than that. He even didn’t care about me.
The guy I’m with right now. I don’t understand. He never call me but he
don’t avoid me too. And he doesn’t keep that much distance.
I really need your help to make me understand what he wants. Because the
feeling only can see him once a week and the feeling wana be his gf are
killing me.

It sounds like he’s just leading a very simple life and he tries to lead a very simple relationship. He sounds very closed off from talking too much about himself, yet he expresses himself through actions rather than words. I think it’s hard to find people like that these days and I think you should not try to push him to open up more to you. He is acting neutral when he is not with you, but when you are together, he is very caring and thoughtful, which is a great thing for you, and you continue to be interested in him because he is not chasing you, but put the onus on you to ignite the communication. If you want to be his girlfriend then you may want to ask him what he is interested in right now and see if he tells you he is looking for commitment or not. He does not sound like someone who would avoid telling you that he may want commitment later on just to keep sleeping with you. He sound too sincere to play those sort of games, but you also must really be sure that you are ready for him to be honest with you. I tell this to a lot of people that are struggling with the situation that you are in, and that is, if it’s not broken, don’t fix it. Let’s assess the facts. You know that he is busy all of the time; you know that whenever you want to see him on the weekend, he makes himself available; you know he is honest with you when you talk; you know that he makes you feel good when you are together; and you know that he is an introverted person when it comes to discussing things about himself. Now, what will really change if you become a couple? He will still be busy, he will still be caring when you’re together, he will still most likely be introverted. The only difference may be that he will call you rather than you have to be the initiator. Is it really worth going through a dreadful discussion of what you to really are, what you two want to achieve with your casual relationship, and any other restrictions that may be put on that relations with the help of that discussion.

So I think you should really give that theory of “if it’s not broken don’t fix it” some thought and maybe continue with the way things are going and find out later as time goes on what his true intentions are and if he wants a relationship with you that is with more commitment. And during this time you can discover more of his history and what sort of person he really is before making yourself vulnerable to his surprises.


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