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In it for the Physical Connection

10 March 2010 One Comment

I recently ended my relationship with my fuck buddy. Seeing as how I’ve
never had a fuck buddy relationship before, and thought I could manage it, I
began to discover that I cannot handle emotionless sex. I was beginning to
have feelings for him, so in an attempt to save myself from getting hurt,
and to be fair to him, I honestly told him that I was beginning to have
feelings for him, that I knew he could not reciprocate my feelings, and
therefore thought it best that we go our separate ways.

Here’s the thing. After breaking things off, he is still contacting me.
Does it mean he could have had feelings for me after all? Why contact
someone who clearly wants more, when you only want one thing?

His actions are truly confusing to me. My heart still beats a little faster
when I get a message from him, but I just ignore them.

What is going on? Why would he do this? Isn’t a fuck buddy relationship
about “Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?”

I already conveyed to him that my milk is not for free.


You can’t look so black and white at the situation. Many times when men and women get into a fuck buddy relationship, certain unexpected things happen. They can either develop emotions, like in your case, or sometimes they can get used to the person sexually and feel compatible. He may be confused about what he wants at this current moment, but he may still want to continue having sex with you. As you said, however, if you don’t want to give “the milk for free” then you should get to the bottom of what it is exactly he wants.

Emotions vs Sex Drive

At a time of a fuck buddy relationship, a man may sometimes believe that he is completely independent of any emotional attachment and does not feel obligated to certain things that a boyfriend would feel obligated towards. However, there are occasions that when the girl tells him that it is over, he may feel that he was in fact deeper involved emotionally than he initially believed to be. But this can also be that he just misses the sex rather than the girl and it is something you can only discover by seeing if he tries to build on the fuck buddy relationship and promise something beyond just the sex. You should try to find out what his true intentions are by asking him where he wants to take this relationship. Do not bring up that you like him, but ask him what he wants out of it and if he himself knows then he should tell you. If, however, he tells you that he is unsure at this moment and cannot tell you if he wants you for the sex or because he truly likes you then I’d put my money on the fact that he most likely is hooked on the physical aspect of the relationship rather than the emotional. They can both interlink at times and confuse a person in a fuck buddy relationship, but after being in a fuck buddy relationship long enough, he should be able to tell apart whether he actually likes you more than a fuck buddy or not, and if he cannot then he is most likely hooked on the sex.

Think about yourself in this situation. After being in the fuck buddy relationship for a certain amount of time, you began to feel an emotional attachment towards him and you know that you like him beyond just the sex. He should have been able to understand that about himself by now if he likes you or not, but he cannot tell you concisely what he feels (unless of course you haven’t asked him yet) and I then believe that is only the desire for the sexual connection you two shared that keeps him contacting you after you have made it clear to him that you will not continue the fuck buddy relationship.

One Comment »

  • Kate said:

    That’s something I haven’t even thought about. I think this is fantastic advice and very original outlook on an issue that seems like theres not a way out of the problem.

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