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Is He Looking for Something Serious?

12 October 2010 No Comment

Hi Robby,

Thanks for all the great advice you have on here. I want you to know that
it’s very helpful to read from a guy’s point of view.

I’ve started grad school recently and it’s a very tight knit group and we’re
all very busy with work. Because of that, there’s much less occasion to get
out of the grad school class and socialize with the people outside of it.
One of my friends here and I started a FB relationship a couple weeks after
we got here. None of our friends know (and they still don’t). He had a
girlfriend at home at the time but now they are on a break.

The other thing is that he is one of my closest friends here, and we have a
great group of about 15 friends that hang out all the time together. A lot
of us hang out two by two so when he and I do, it’s not a big deal. He does
it with some of the other girls in the group too and we all joke about how
the “dates” go, with him and when other people hang out in twos. But I’m
pretty sure he’s not sleeping with anyone else because we’ve been spending
about 5 nights a week together, and the large group of us hangs out till the
wee hours of the morning anyway the other nights. He knows I hook up with
other guys, and he often jokes about it, asking how my dates went with other
guys and keeps telling me that this guy or that guy in grad school wants to
hook up with me.

For the most part, I think we’re just good friends who have sex with each
other. But when we’re alone, we cuddle, he kisses me on the forehead
sometimes, we went for a walk in the park the other day and he held my hand,
and he often holds my hand when we’re alone watching football or something.
I’m often the one that pulls away, and when we sleep together, he likes to
have me really close.

This past weekend we spent almost 48 hours straight together and it was a
lot of fun. I cooked for him one night, and we watched some sports, and at
the end of the weekend he told me he had a perfect weekend, which was sweet.
If not for the sex, I’d say this was a BFF type weekend, if not for
everything but the sex, it was a great FB weekend because we had a lot of
sex. My question is, what is going on? When we went into this, I had said I
didn’t want a relationship and I think he agrees. He has said to me and our
other friends that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now (which
is part of why he broke up with his gf) but the things we are doing seem
very blurry. I’m not the I need to talk and figure out what we were/where
this is going type of person so we haven’t mentioned it at all. I just want
to know what’s going on in his head. Thanks for listening! I really
appreciate it. I hope I’ll hear from you soon!

To be flat out about it, it seems like he has developed a crush for you. If he were serious about keeping it strictly as a fuck buddy relationship, he would try to keep the cuddling, holding hands, and saying that spending 48 hours with you as the best weekend of his life to a minimal. Not because he may not want to do all these things or because that 48 hours with you was extremely great, but just so you know that he is not interested in a formal and full relationship. Talking to him about it may not go so smoothly, especially when you’re not the type of person to do something like that. I think that the best way to show him that to you he is just a fuckbuddy by making him review the relationship. You may want him to do it indirectly by going out with another one of those friends of your inner circle, and you said you sometimes hook up with them, so don’t hesitate to hook up again. Then try to get this guy that likes you to find out that you still consider yourself an independent and free person who is only his fuck buddy. This may end up with a minor arguement that you can settle by telling him that you and him are only fuck buddies and you have no idea where he got the idea that you’re somethin more.

Or, of course, you may want to let this to continue and see how it unfolds. It doesn’t seem like a bad idea that you and he allow this to play out, because you two seem like a great couple from what you’ve explained. You really have to weigh the fact that you may risk your “relationship” or friendship if you act a little cold to him and try to portray to him that you do not want anything serious with him, and that you just keep doing what you’re doing and put the burden on him. Because if you’re not the one emotionally attached, it is on him to figure out how he wants to act around you and how he wants to treat and show you that he is interested in something more. Hope that helps. Enjoy!


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