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Is he Only Interested in Being a Fuck Buddy?

6 December 2009 5 Comments

Hi,

I’m currently in a situation where I’m now Fuck Buddies with my Ex. I
started dating him when I was 15 and we were together for 2 yrs. After 1 yr
of our relationship I moved out of my parents house to live him him and his
parents out of town. We broke up because my father passed away and I needed
to go back home to support my mom. This was 5 yrs ago.

We were previously FB’s 2 1/2 years ago but it didnt work out due to drama.
He has made it clear that he does not want a relationship right now and
wants to have no strings attached. Being greedy 🙁 I agreed, knowing that I
have feelings for him but I’ll keep them to myself.

We hooked up the other night for the first time in 2.5 yrs and it was
absolutly amazing, how he acted around me felt like old times. I dont want
to tell him how I truely feel right now and I’m wondering what I can watch
for in terms of hints that he may want a relationship to come from this down
the line.

S&J - EXPLORED!
Off the bat, I’d like to say that I can see you have some contempt towards the fact that he doesn’t want a relationship with any strings right now and keeping those feeling you have for him inside will only brew up until they come out. The fact that you hooked up the other night and it reminded you of old times can be a good thing and a bad thing. If he acted like he has before when you were in a relationship, it is possible he was just looking for someone to sleep with and saw you as a girl he could hook up with since you shared a past: that’s the bad thing. Or it could mean that he genuinely misses you and that hook up the other night really stirred something up in him which made him want to take care of you and act towards the way he used to when you two were together.

To Tell or Not to Tell

If you’ve hooked up the other night for the first time in 2.5 years then it may be too early to tell him you still have deep feelings for him. What I mention quite often is that I don’t like putting tags on things like if you’re an official “girlfriend” or officially “fuck-buddies”. Though these words have certain connotations to them as to how either one of you can act towards other men or women, all they do is put limitations. So what I would suggest is that you don’t mention to him how you’re feeling, but rather show it. When he sees that you’re calling him and asking him to come out for a meal or whatnot, just try to see if he only comes out with you if he’s just expecting sex at the end of the “date” or he’s genuinely interested in spending time with you. I’ll mention later what to look for to see if he wants you for just sex or if he is into more than just that. But it’s also important for you to not act like he’s the only option out there and that you’ve never gotten over him since the time you officially broke up. It’s crucial that he sees that there have been other interests in your life.

Things to Look Out For

Ways to tell if he is just into you for sex:

  • Does he talk about how great the two of you were together… in bed?
  • Does he avoid seeing you in public but rather fancies seeing you in places where there’s clear acces to a bed?
  • Does he avoids talking about emotions?
  • How does he act when you talk about other guys or your past relationships? Does he seem jelous or indifferent?

Ways to tell if he is genuinely interested in a relationship:

  • Does he call you just to chat rather than only set dates?
  • Does he reminisce on the good times you two shared?
  • Does he treat you better than he did during your relationship?
  • Does he talk about other women? If so then he is trying to hint to you that he is keen on keeping this as a fuck-buddy relationship.

Those are some things to look for and it should be clear within a few dates what his intentions are. I hope this has been helpful and hope that you can read him correctly and figure out where to take it from there.

If you have a dating question of any sorts, contact me and I’ll be happy to answer it in a future post.

5 Comments »

  • Sammy said:

    that is a very cool idea for how to distinguish whether the man wants you for just a fuck or more than that. I love the posts with your answers Robby. And the new Flickr pics are cool. Vienna and Paris look like beautiful places!

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Sammy: Thanks for reading and liking my advice. Vienna was beautiful but I’ll be honest it wasn’t my favorite city. Paris on the other hand was incredible in all aspects. Sucks that I’m not in enough of those pics though because I was travelling around by myself most of the time. But it was great anyways.

    Reply to Comment

  • van said:

    Hi , i have recently met up with a Friend from years ago..we were close as teenagers into our early 20,s,he used to ask me out but i always declined…i didnt want to ruin our friendship.although i always liked him…anyway we met up a couple of months ago,after finding eachother on a social networking page..we met up and the physical attraction was electric,but he has a girlfriend!!we then didnt see eachother for several weeks,a misunderstanding..he then text me..we carried on texting..you know the kind of texts…and then decided to meet up again..as FWB..we had never had sex before..it was amazing!! we have met up again and “Sext” regularly..he has told me that he really”Loved” me when we were younger..i am confused as to whether this is FWB..or that we really do like eachother,or we are building on the past..all the same he is taken .although i am in my 40,s it is still confusing…i am adamant that i don’t want a relationship..but when i get a text from him it makes my day!!! sooo what would you do?…carry on with the FWB..or ..?

    Reply to Comment

  • Anynonymous said:

    Hey
    I’ve started having feelings for my fuckbuddy, were both pretty young and we’ve been fucking since we were both underage. Before we started getting together. He lost his virginity to this girl who became pregnant and they decided to keep it and the baby. Their kid died of cot death sadly. But he didnt tell me about it. And we started getting quite close. Like he would wanna come round or wanted me to come round, just to watch a movie or he’d make me dinner. The sex just keeps getting better and better! We were having a cuddle on a park bench he his phone went off and his wallpaper was of his and a girl. Once he remembered he turned his phone away from me. Now he keeps sending me mixed messages because he’d delete all the women on his phone saying I am the only woman he wants in his life. Then on Facebook he’d be ‘married’ to someone and constantly posting on her wall. This is probably jealousy talking but WTF?! can someone tell me what to do and/or gimme some advice please!

    Reply to Comment

  • Anynonymous said:

    Hey
    I’ve started having feelings for my fuckbuddy, were both pretty young and we’ve been fucking since we were both underage. Before we started getting together. He lost his virginity to this girl who became pregnant and they decided to keep it and the baby. Their kid died of cot death sadly. But he didnt tell me about it. And we started getting quite close. Like he would wanna come round or wanted me to come round, just to watch a movie or he’d make me dinner. The sex just keeps getting better and better! We were having a cuddle on a park bench he his phone went off and his wallpaper was of his and a girl. Once he remembered he turned his phone away from me. Now he keeps sending me mixed messages because he’d delete all the women on his phone saying I am the only woman he wants in his life. Then on Facebook he’d be ‘married’ to someone and constantly posting on her wall. This is probably jealousy talking but WTF?! can someone tell me what to do and/or gimme some advice please!

    Reply to Comment


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