Is There Truth to His Words?
Hi Robby, I was hoping you could help me out…
Since about Christmas of 2009 I’ve been hooking up with the same guy. We’d
meet almost every day of the week, drink, have sex, and that was it. Around
the begining of February, we stopped drinking and started talking to fill
the void. We get along well, and have tons of inside jokes. He’d come over
to my house each night almost, we’d watch TV for a while, have sex, and goof
off for the rest of the night. I started to develop feelings for him, but I
didn’t have the guts to say so. I thought that if I did, he would leave
But in the middle of April, he left me waiting for him in the rain for two
hours…Because he was having sex with a girl in the back of his car, the
same car we’d been sitting in for months together. We both ended up crying,
and he said he’d rather have me than her. After that, I told him I couldn’t
have sex with him in his car anymore. Suprisingly, he stuck around. We’d
walk around near where I live and find things to do.
I asked about the girl, and he said that he didn’t really talk to her,
because her SIM card was broken.
Since then, we’ve had sex again. Things started to go back to normal until I
was about to get kicked out of school for a stupid mistake. If I got kicked
out, my parents would most likely kick me out of the house, and I might
never be able to see him. For the two days before I got kicked out, he came
over. We both cried and slept a lot…Holding hands, cuddling like always.
Things worked out, and I can still see him. But he dropped the L bomb. I
told him it was mutual, but I’m still unhappy with the situation. At any
point, he could be having sex with someone else, breaking my heart all over
again. I’ve been having trouble sleeping and eating because of the last
incident. I know he has every right to, and that I can’t say anything about
My basic question is, do you think he wants something more than just a fuck
buddy? Do you think I should tell him that I can’t do it anymore if it will
only remain a simple hook up?
Thanks in advance…I hope you can help me!
When someone cheats, I know that it automatically becomes extremely difficult if not impossible to ever again trust them, but you have to look at this with a grounded state of mind. When someone has lots of things going on in their life that seem stressful, such as school problems, misunderstandings with family, and any other troubles, they tend to try and look to a partner for comfort, but when that partner does something so inconsiderate then you begin to feel negativity towards them. In this case, you must take a step back and analyze things clearly. The fact that he cheated on you does not mean that he was out to hurt you, but only did it simply because the opportunity presented itself. Now you must assess whether you trust him enough to believe that he will not repeat the unfaithful act if the same sort of opportunity ever presented itself. Men and women both sometimes use an “I love you” to pursuade their partner that they genuinely are only interested in them but that is not always the case and people end up hurt most when the L bomb is dropped insincerely.
Breaking it Down
The question if he will only want a fuck buddy or if he will want a formal relationship lies in how serious he is in engaging on an emotional level. If all of his motives aim to one final destination which is the bedroom then he obviously is interested in only sex, but since you mentioned that he likes to cuddle and sometimes you only sleep over each other’s place without having sex then there is a good chance that he is into you. I feel slightly sceptical nonetheless just because he cheated on you. You must be careful that he is only using you as a companion up until someone better comes along. He may even agree to being your boyfriend for the sake of having a girl to go out with and sleep with and have fun with, but at the same time he is not hesitant to pursue other women.
Putting Him to the Test
The way you can put him to the test to find out if he genuinely likes you and is not using you only for his own benefits is by pushing some of his buttons. You must try to see how he feels when you are the one talking to other guys or acting flirtatious around other men. If this
stirs up any jealousy in him then you can see that he actually cares enough about you to feel some sort of emotions to those acts. Of course, he may not be the type to openly express his jealousy, but if you know him well enough then he may be one of the men who keeps it inside and expresses it in a more subtle way such as becoming less talkative and less social. So before telling him directly about your feelings and how you are unsatisfied with a simple hook-up and are looking for something more than that, I would suggest that you put him to the test to see how emotionally attached he really is. If he passes and you see that he truly does care for you then you should follow your heart and retreat back to him and act as caring as he acts towards you, and finally express to him that you want to maybe try out something that is more than just sex. If, however, he does not express any care for you and when he sees that you act interested in someone else, he goes on and just chats with some other girl and easily gets over you then he never really expressed much affection towards you and I can easily say that he is not ready for any type of serious relationship. The key factor here is how much he cares about you, and if you are able to pick up on his affection then you can feel free to discuss your emotions with him.