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It’s Over. Move On.

5 March 2012 2 Comments

I really need advice because I am afraid to get hurt! I’ve been with this guy for 8 months. I met him in a bar and at first I didn’t like him and also he is 2 years younger than me but I decided to gave him a chance because he seem to be a nice guy. We start dating, he took me out for dinner, drinks, dance and also invited me to have a dinner in one of his friend’s place. The first month was amazing.. we used to text in whatsapp.. calls.. everything.. but summer arrived and both of us have our plans during the whole month of august.. I tried to be in touch by whatsapp.. but he always replied late and he never texted me first. After one moth we meet again and he seemed different… he changed. Instead of meeting up twice or three times per week now it was once per week or even one every 15 days. He stopped texting me in whatsapp and just in a while he called me.. I try to meet him too many times but he was always busy and every time that I wanted to make a plan he had too many excuses so I decided to text him and let him know that I didn’t want to be in this kind of relationship so in few word i just ended everything. He didn’t answer my message just after 1 week he called me and told that he needed to talk to me because he didn’t want to finish the things like this. He told me “I’m out of the city but i will call you..” he never called me.. and the next time that I met him was by chance it was with a girl in a bar. So he broke my heart.

After two weeks or maybe more… I meet him again (because we go to the same gym and also because he lives very close to my house) so he came to me to invite me to have a drink. And also to ask me about my life because I was having problems with my visa (because I am a foreigner in this country) so he offer me help. He started to call me again and helping me getting me a lawyer. So everything start again. Having sex and texting, calls… but I talked to him before to start over again and I asked why he changed?? He told me that he has been feeling depressed and when he feels bad he prefers to keep apart. So also he told me that he is not ready for a relationship because his ex cheated on him so now he doesn’t trust any girls. And I told him I’m not ready neither (which is not true) but just trying to change his mind in a close future. So we decided to be fuck buddies really open to meet more people if we wanted.

So it’s been up and downs in this relationship. Sometimes he text me sometimes he just disappears. After sex he always cuddles and sometimes he sleeps at my place. During all night he hugs me or he hold my hand. Since one moths ago.. we talked about everything. Job, family, problems and we start working in personal projects together because I am a photographer and he likes to paint. So we help each other. Sometimes he likes to talk about future with me… or make future plans with me but next days he is very cold or he doesn’t look for me for days… Since one or two months ago everything just happens at my place now we stopped going out for drinks and now we just spend time in this way.. first we chat for hours and then we have amazing sex which he always finishes being very cuddly and nice. Now I see him every time at the gym and sometimes on the way to my job. I’m sure that I’m falling in love and I don’t wanna be hurt… what should I do?? Should I go away?? Should I talk to him?? Im just wanna know if there is a possibility that we end up in a real relationship… My friends tell me to be patient one day he will be in love?? Hope you can tell me what to do! thks!!

I know your friends are there to give you support, but sometimes their positive advice is not the best advice. He does sound like someone who may have depression, and knowing what he may be going through, acting distant and then very close and cuddly is definitely part of it. His hot and cold actions are for sure affecting the way you feel about him, and that mystery about him is something you’re surely feeling passionate about as well. I think before you say you think you are falling for him, I think you should think about what it is about him that you find so attractive. Is it real love or a crush–wanting something you cannot fully have?

I personally think that if he cared more about you then he wouldn’t be acting the way he is. And I don’t mean that it is your fault that he isn’t interested at the moment, it just may as well be something is wrong with him (depression or whatnot), but that still shows that he isn’t capable of connecting at the moment. Because of this inability to connect, he pushes you away, and if you do not want to continue getting hurt then you yourself know that you have to move on. The fact that when you broke it off with him and it took him days to reply is a clear sign that he himself is unaware of what he wants and if he does then he does not know how to maintain it. Then there was that instance when you saw him at a bar with another girl. He portrays to you that if he does ever want a relationship then it will only be on his terms, and I doubt that you can have a very happy and long-term thing with someone who does not give leeway and has a strict mentality about what he wants and how he wants it to run.

You should probably not bank on the idea that if you continue pursuing him then he will fall in love with you and you two will have a great relationship. Not only because there’s a small chance, but because life’s too short to keep waiting for something to happen with someone who you do not even know is there right person for you. Don’t break all ties with him, but do not set yourself on the idea that if you wait long enough then he will fall in love with you. If you wait long enough, then he’ll probably think of you as a very dear friend. Guys, just like girls, don’t always want what’s right there in front of them, waiting for them. They want new and exciting. So I even would bet on it that if he did think of you as someone he’d consider a girlfriend in the future, that it would be because you “move on” from him and start seeing other guys instead of being patient. If he knows he can have you any moment then he loses the excitement, but if he sees mystery in you and sees that you’re not dependent on him, then he will find more intrigue, and that sparks attraction.

Get out there and find a guy who will want to date and gradually start a relationship. Forget about sticking around and trying to convince someone who is unsure of himself to date you and hoping that one day he will get over his depression and choose you to be the one he will love forever and ever. It’s hard, but true. Sometimes things don’t work out, and the best thing to do is to not dwell on regret, but pick ourselves up and move on before we get way too deep.


  • Dave said:

    move on it’s not worth any of your time. He sounds like a dick and uses the whole depression thing as an excuse.

  • Naryll said:

    Hate to say this but that guy is just a user. Don’t mind him anymore and focus your mind to your favorite things. You’ve mentioned that your a photographer. I’m sure that you’ll find your way out of his mess. Good Luck!!

    “Naryll” for parasol excentré 

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