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Keeping the Woman You Love is Harder than it Seems

19 November 2009 10 Comments

Manu e Winston 3
I don’t know much about personal development, but I know quite a lot about drinking, partying, and getting into loving and caring relationships that last for only one night. The thing is however, you sometimes get tired or bored with constantly changing women and waking up with headaches and you end up searching for that one woman you think you can give your heart to and actually get into a relationship with. I’ve previously written about my criteria for what I look for in a girlfriend, but today I’d like to talk about how to make sure to keep that woman. This post will be in a form of a personal experience, because I’ve learnt this through my own mistakes, because after a few years of constant single life, I’d actually found someone that seemed to resonate something much greater than any of those one-night stands could offer.

6 Ways to Keep Your Woman:

1. Don’t give her too much freedom: Sure, everyone loves their freedom and especially in a relationship we sometimes need our day offs from one another, but don’t let your woman think that you’re totally indifferent to her requirements for distance. Your woman wants you to take part in her life otherwise she wouldn’t be dating you. Giving her too much freedom to go out wherever she wants whenever she wants with friends without having to feel the need to tell you about it gives her a feeling that she doesn’t even have a real boyfriend just because he doesn’t show interest in what she’s doing. You have to always assure her that you are there and that she does have a boyfriend she needs to keep in mind. Ask her how she’s been, how she spent her day, who she saw, and how she’s feeling that day. I don’t encourage anyone to over do it because that can lead to arguments, but discussing it in conversation just shows that you care.

2. Long-distance relationships are harder than you think: If you or her has to separate for sometime, make sure you call every day. Ask her when is the best time for you to call her and make sure to do it. Indications that things may be going soar is if she isn’t calling you back when she says she will, or if she sounds slightly irritated when you call. These are clear indications that something isn’t so well between the two of you and that’s when you should probably either try to go out there and see her about it if you can, or decide to talk about it over the internet. Face-to-face is key, however, and we have technology that allows for this to happen even I you two aren’t in the same room. Phone conversations or texts for this sort of thing can ruin things for you, believe me.

3. Pick up on any small details: Little things in a relationship play a big role. What usually ends relationships is a build up of small flaws that could have easily been repaired if only you would pick up on them sooner. Be smarter than just believe her that if she says everything is fine then it actually is. Don’t think just because she says she loves you that she actually does, because love can diminish quite rapidly if it’s already begun to head downhill. Remember, the first “I love you” is always hardest to say, but the last one can easily come out as a lie. So make sure you’re attentive to how she’s acting around you, to the tone of her voice, and if she still gives you eye contact when she’s speaking to you.

4. Let your heart be judge: Everyone has an opinion when you’re in a relationship. From family to friends to even your friend’s friends. It could really get hectic if you listen to anyone but yourself. You need to always first and foremost ask yourself how you feel about this relationship. Is it making you happy? Is it better to be with her than without her? And do you get a special feeling when you two are together? This can only be answered by your heart because in the end of it all, it’s you who has to live with your decisions, no one else. Some can give good-hearted advice, others can give you logical advice, and other can give you wretched advice, and it can become real difficult to distinguish one from the other. So the best judge is your heart, not your mind, because if you two break-up due to logic and you think it’s the ‘right’ decision, your heart will end up taking the biggest punishment.

5. Don’t stop impressing her: Just because you two have been going out a long time and you think you don’t need to do anything else, you’re wrong. Throughout the relationship you need to somehow reignite the spark that holds you two together. Surprise her with gifts and romantic dinners. Don’t just wait until things get rocky, but do it once in a while out of the blue. And when you actually do new things to excite her, that fire keeps burning and though she once thought you can’t impress in any new way, you’ll break all expectations and she’ll re-fall in love with you. Those types of days end up filling the best memories the two of you will ever share together.

6. Grow together rather than grow apart: She is the love of your life, right? Well, include her in your life then. Introduce her to the people you know, be interested in the people she is friends with, find hobbies you can share, and most importantly, communicate. The lack of communication makes people unknowingly grow apart. Talk about life, food, education, every day chores, anything that comes to mind, but just keep the communication going. Evoke new interests within one another. If you have a certain hobby, involve her in it, and if you see she finds something important to her, try to get involved. Share your interests and goals and you will grow well together.

Take it from me that though some things can hurt your pride or reputation, it may all be worth it in the end. If you honestly believe you’ve found the right one then whatever you do, fight for her, because it’s your life and you live once, so try to be happy. Don’t take what someone says to heart, because some people may say one thing one minute because they’re mad and then completely forget about it, leaving it to dwell on you. Try not to do something that you may regret for the rest of your life. Even martyrs do things out of love despite what anyone else may say or think.


  • Jenny said:

    Oh my gosh.. a boy actually has it figured out.. kiddingggg 🙂 When I read this subhead I immediately cringed, “Don’t give her too much freedom,” but I like where you went with it. Good point. If you let her go out with her girls all the time.. it’s likely she’ll find another guy.. and you’ll just be the ride home at 2 a.m. Guess what book I’m finishing during my week off next week.. woooo!
    .-= Jenny´s last blog ..Best Idea Ever #248: The Weekend Bathroom Pass =-.

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Jenny: Nice to see you here again. When I was actually typing out the subheading I was thinking it may get a lot of women scared a little. But then I wrote what I actually meant with it and glad you like where I went with it. I’ve never been the 2 a.m ride home and know some people that have been and there’s possibly nothing worse for a boyfriend.
    Will look forward to hearing what you think of Civilized Savages!! 🙂

  • roma said:

    thumbs up, you really nailed this one mate. definately consider get a part time job as a columnist =D

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Roma: Cheers, but I think novelist will suit me better. Drinking and writing is more my style. By the way, got a book deal and it’ll come out in 4 months or so… as soon as I finish the new manuscript.

  • Cowgal said:

    Wow Robby! How old are you??? This is wisdom my man! You really suck the essences out of experiences from playing the field! I can really salute you. You actually understand women! Whoever said its impossible to understand women seriously should go to you. I’m sorry I can’t stop being impressed by what I just read.

    I took your advice of walking out on my cowboy after 2mths where I totally heard nothing from him and all I did was keep popping up at his place. Deep inside I just wanted to touch him with my sincerity, effort, love and mindblowing sex. But hell, he loved his mates more than me. So I walked out telling him he doesn’t know how to treat his woman right, and hes 36, while I’m 28. I dated an older man under the impression that he might be more mature and wise than boys of my age but I think hes only 18 in da head!

    Robby you totally rock

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Cowgal: Thanks, I do rock lol just wish a certain someone else saw it that way, but whatever moving past it and getting out there to find new ‘dams in Amsterdam is fun too.
    In your situation though, sometimes older men do act less mature, but keep your head up, it all works out for the best in the end. Lots more cowboys out there in the field for ya 😉

  • Cowgal said:

    Woo Robby, sounds like you been hung up on a damsel? Its actually so common to have people around you see your value higher than your own special someone does. But if she fail to see your value, thats cos she aint of your level. A great chemistry is making each other feel special and appreciated, that you had lived your life waiting for her/him to appear. Or maybe thats just my fantasy! Never give up! One personal ques for you, which is a greater pain – pain of regret to give someone up or the pain of being hurt for having tried?

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Cowgal: Believe it or not I’ve experienced both and have to say that for me the regret is on some level better because in my case it gave me hope that it can still work out someday even though deep down I knew it wouldn’t. But being certain it’s over after having tried and failed it’s easier to get over it. Time, a bottle of vodka, and realizing you need to move on cures the pain. And I personally try to make myself believe the girl isn’t worth it and search for all her negative attributes to remember her by instead of recalling the good, cuz then it’s easier to overcome that pain.
    I’m quite hungover right now (spending 5 days in Paris) but hope my reply makes sense to you like it does to me.

  • Cowgirl said:

    Robby I share the exact same sentiments with you. The regret of having ‘What if’ stuck in your head can last a lifetime but having tried and failed is proven and definite.
    By trying it is doing justice for yourself.
    Life goes round in circles, there is even a chance that someday in future you bump into that certain someone from the ‘What if’ and realised she might be the one but you let her go cos of fear/ego/pride…ouch

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Cowgirl: The “what ifs” are really the worst thing to live with. Failing hurts but at leatst you know you gave it your best. But years later if you didn’t ty your hardest at making it work you realize all thos things you mentioned (fear/ego/pride) could have and hould have most probably been compromised.
    (btw if you want to chat more about anything add me on Facebook.:))

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