“Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby”
I have read a variety of your fuck buddy related posts and haven’t found
anything similar to my situation, so I thought I’d ask you 🙂
Right, well I was kind of dating this guy and we were going down all the
paths of what one does before starting a relationship… dates, went to his,
met his family (not officially, just in passing) etc.. but I never once
stated that I wanted a relationship, I just don’t have the time for it, and
would miss the freedom of being single too much, he was under the impression
I did and brought it up + we decided it was best not to pursue one.. We have
joked about the idea of fuck buddies several times and the other day he came
to me with a serious request for it. I think I would be up for it, but I
also have a horrible feeling one of us will get attached due to the
aforementioned start to our relationship.. I actually think it would be him
as I am very good at emotionally detatching myself from situations.
So basically, would just like to know if it’s a wise idea going down the
fuck buddy path, as I feel I have a slightly biased view as the sex was so
damn good lol.
You mentioned that he brought up the subject of having a relationship, but you guys decided against it. The fact that he even brought it up should imply that he is interested in one and is definitely into you for more than just a fuck-buddy. It doesn’t really matter under what kind of impression a guy might be under, because if the guy doesn’t want a relationship he will try his hardest to avoid talking about one with a girl. In fact, he may go extra lengths just to hint that he’s not interested in a relationship. So you fear that he may become too emotionally attached if you agree to become fuck-buddies, and that is a legitimate fear to have when getting into a fuck-buddy relationship. There are, however, ways to make sure he doesn’t try to become anything more than what you want, and I’ve outlined those ways in the post “You’re Just a Fuck-Buddy. Period.” that I suggest you read. Nonetheless, I think the best thing to do in your circumstance is to talk it out with him.
How to Approach the Subject
Sometimes, and it’s very rarely when, that the two people in the relationship are able to discuss directly the subject of fuck-buddies. If, like in your situation, you both are open to the idea and it doesn’t sound repulsive to you like to some traditionalists, then the only way to be certain that he will be satisfied with the arrangement and not get too attached is by talking it out and hoping for the best. Don’t joke around it, but actually have a formal conversation about what you want from your relations and how you expect things to unfold. But many times in these discussions, people put rules down that they themselves end up dreading later on, so I do not suggest you create any strict restrictions that you may later regret. Be honest with him and explain that you don’t want a serious relationship and you may feel that he will get too attached if you continue to just have sex and nothing beyond that. When you explain this, watch how he reacts to the idea. If he acts like he’s thrilled by the idea and is fully on board then you’ve got yourself a guy you can definitely have a fuck-buddy relationship with. However, if he seems to be somewhat crushed or somewhat unsatisfied with the notion, then he’s probably thinking that he may as well go through it but with idea that he will turn you into a girlfriend by the end of the arrangement. But I, personally, am a big supporter of liberties and believe people should go along with what they feel like doing, and if you enjoyed the sex so much then you should go through with becoming fuck-buddies even if he may not feel 100% satisfied with not having you as a girlfriend. It will still be better for him if he keeps you as a fuck-buddy than losing you completely.
Also, another thing I find women do when they become fuck-buddies and claim that that is what they strictly want is they either get confused themselves or start changing their mind and begin to send out mixed messages. After you have discussed that you want to be fuck-buddies, make sure to avoid sending signals that you’re emotionally attached and do not warm up to him. For example, before you do “romantic” things, think about how he may interprit what you say or do. Because he is on the verge of emotional attachment, do not fully tip him over by doing things like cuddling after sex, holding his hand in public, etc. That’s just a caution note on how you shouldn’t act around a man that you don’t want to get too attached to you. But basically, talking it out should work out best for you here. Ih ope my non-biassed advice helped.