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Long Term Friendship/Friends with Benefits

18 October 2011 2 Comments

5 years ago, I met a guy and we got along quite well. After we met, we only
had contact with eachother by webcam, ‘cuz we didn’t live really nearby.
We talked almost everynight but since I felt like it was leading nowhere,
and I was very young and full of hormones(16); I started seeing another boy.
But when I met up with the first guy(A) he was very flirtatious with me, I
had almost gone too far with him, but then he told me that my boyfriend
wouldn’t like that’

after a year I broke up with that boyfriend and after some months me and A
met up, for sex. We agreed it was only sex.

after that I had some short relationships; and one (that recently ended) of
2years. During that relationship; I had seen A couple of times. one time at
a festival, we went for a walk outside the festival area; we talked; and he
gave clear, very clear (as if he just said it xD) that he wanted to have
sex. after a long discussion (and a fight with my innerself, ‘cuz i did find
him really attractive) I told him that he couldn’t always ask this from me,
when I’m in a relationship. You see, we talked about the fact that it was
only sex, he made it clear when he was talking about life in general that he
wanted to enjoy his youth and didn’t feel like a relationship. But still he
made the habbit of asking certain attention when I was in a relationship.
That night, I told him he couldn’t do that anymore, ‘cuz it’d make me wonder
about stuff for the next couple of months again. He answered that he knew I
wouldn’t, and that I would just move on again after this, just like I always
do. And then he refered to times when that happened according to him.
after that we still had contact by sms, about random things.

a while ago, I broke up with my boyfriend. And I have been thinking about
hooking up with A again. He is not giving me completely the cold shoulder,
it’s more with ups and downs.

Another thing that seems important here to me now is: when my ex-boyfriend
and I decided to live together, he gave some sarcastic comments.

Could it be that A is mad at me for not ‘waiting’ for him for all these
years? And wouldn’t that be quite silly, ‘cuz he clearly told me at the time
we had sex that was all he wanted.
I’ve been wondering about this a lot, a friend of mine says it’s likely, ‘cuz
I was A’s first bed partner. I on the other hand thought it might not be
such a big deal for boys.

whenever I ask A for clarity about this, he hides behind jokes and allusions
on having sex. I’m 20 now, this has been going on for 5 years; the men of
whom I asked their opinions have always been friends of mine, so I think
they might not be completely honest with me.

So please, an objective opinion on this.

5 years of cat and mouse play is a very long time and it’s very interesting to hear that you’ve had men come and go and it appears that he is the only one that really sticks through and you question isn’t in reference to the other men, but only concerning this one particular individual. In my experience, the relationships that evolve from a long term of cat and mouse play never really go far. There is too much baggage between you two already that makes the relationship bond difficult to maintain. He surely may be interested in you and vice versa, but in all honesty, I believe that that moment that you may have shared initially has past and it’s best not to reignite anything here.

The fact that he flip-flops around being with you shows that he is not all too sure if he is willing to completely commit to you. These hot and cold acts that he pulls certainly make things difficult for you to read, but you should know that if he didn’t want to be in a formal relationship with you in the beginning that it’s more of a game for him now than it is anything serious. I don’t mean to say that he may not mean that his intentions now are serious, but I personally doubt that it would work out for a long time. His sarcastic comments to you when you revealed to him that you’re moving in with your boyfriend are childish yet understandable, because he has been there interested in having sex with you whenever you are in a relationship with someone else. Rather than wanting anything serious, he makes himself believe that he wants a real relationship with you, but that’s only because it is something he hasn’t yet been able to achieve with you.

I am sure that you haven’t been to frank with him about your own feelings towards him and that is because he as well isn’t being all too open with you. There is a lack of openness and communication, and that is key in any relationship. If you would like you two could always give it a shot and see where things go, but I highly doubt that things will work out as you hope just because there has been so much past difficulties. That’s my objective opinion and hope it’s been helpful.

2 Comments »

  • Very Confused said:

    I am 23 turning 24 and i`ve been through hell and back in all my relationships (whether they were serious or they were just flings). I met him (He`s 21) at my friends birthday party about almost 3 months ago. We partied, we cracked jokes and we fell into a natural friendship; like we`ve been friends for a long long time. We spent time texting each other back and forth and met up a few other times at friend`s houses for parties and stuff. One saturday night, we spent the whole night talking about everything but the sun until 7-8 am. About a month ago, we spoke about our physical attraction towards one another and we decided to try the FWB thing. We went through with it and we found out that we have suuuuuuch an amazing physical chemistry. Outside of the bedroom, we found out that we have so many things in common such as movies, characteristics of our personnalities, music and even allergies. I like hanging out with him and I find myself liking him. Lately, hes been saying/doing things that made me question whether or not he may have developped feelings for me.

    He asked me if I had any other FWBs and I was honest and told him he was the only one and he walked away smiling. When we first got together, he told me he had a lot of girls on his list including girls from outta town. But last week, he suddenly told me that he was getting tired of sleeping around (that hes getting too old for that stuff) and that now, he rarely picks up the phone when his 2 other FWBs call his phone and I spent two days in a row at his place (I sleep over all the times we hook up) and his phone never rang once. But he told me that he would never do that to me, that whenever I need him, he would be there for me. I asked him why was I different, he told me that I was the first girl who made him question himself on his maturity and that he liked that about me. He repeatedly also told me how cute he thought I was; how I was a chill person he could along with and that he liked me. His roomate (a friend we have in common) says ” He missed you; you know, he doesnt sleep well when you`re not here” or “Stay. WE would love it if you would.”

    He suddenly changed his Facebook statuses to things about heartbreak; things like how his hearts a stereo, that it beats for you so listen close (Gym class Heroes song) and saying stuff like he can’t choose; why cant he choose. He posts songs he used to sing to me in bed like Jah Cure’s You’ll Nver find ( You’ll never find no one in this lifetime that loves you like I do, so never mind things that people say that I will hurt you) or his other song Unconditionnal Love ( You never see it coming and the next thing you know, its unconditionnal love. See she aint looking for no diamond, aint digging for no gold, just somebody to love, unconditionnal love). And before he would be down all the time for us to hook up, and yesterday, he turned me down. He told me he was busy but that he’d let me know. Whats up with him… Please I need advice. Does he like me ? Or am I reading WAYYYY TOOO MUCH into this?

  • Kristin said:

    If you are staying in Val Claret or Lavachet there is a free of charge bus which
    runs every single 10mins to Tignes le Lac and our meeting point.


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