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Looking for Something More Serious out of the Relationship

20 November 2011 3 Comments

I lost my virginity to this guy I’ve known for a few months. I really like
him He’s a hard worker and a real country guy and I’m a real country girl.
He considers us fuck buddies but I would like to be more than that. He says
he likes me but I’m guessing he’s not ready for a relationship. Even if I
knew of ways to ease him into a relationship slowly would be nice. I mean…
There is also a possibility he wouldn’t want to go public with a
relationship to a girl like me. I’, 5’3 and 199 pounds, so I’m a hefty girl,
and the self conscious factor is there. I’m also thinking that he doesn’t
want a relationship yet because he still doesn’t know me all too well.
However there’s the whole factor of he just wants me for sex. I’m a muddle
of thoughts. He kissed me so much during our times together when we were
alone (we only had sex once by the way). I mean he kissed me more than my
previous boyfriends would. He pulls away with such a sweet smile on his face
that I just melt over too. I asked him to think about him being my
boyfriend and he agreed to think about it, yet that could just be it; a
thought. Am I confused on what to do? Yea I am.

You shouldn’t be self-conscious about your weight or height, because he definitely felt some connection with you if he slept with you the first time, and he kisses you like no one else. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s being self-conscious about yourself that allows others to think of you in a certain preconceived way. The fact that you’ve only had sex once, I would not really consider it a fuck buddy relationship yet, so don’t worry about that too much. If however it continues where you two just sleep together and he does not make an effort to make the relationship more exclusive and formal then you may want to reconsider what you’re involved in.

You asked him to think about whether or not he wants to be more serious with you, which from one side could have been a good idea if you were confident that he would answer the way you want him to, but if you are uncertain then you probably should have avoided that question and approached it in a different manner. I personally always believe in the feelings two partners have for each other and the way they treat one another rather than the tags they attach to them. So if you feel that he treats you like someone important to him and if he doesn’t cheat then his thoughts towards you may slowly but surely change in a positive way where he feels like he cannot be without you. Now, however, since you’ve asked him if he wants to be your boyfriend, you must wait it out and see what he says. If he is interested then great, if not, then I don’t think you should completely avoid him. Instead, still see him, but be more friendly rather than sexual with him. See if he changes or not in relation to you when you cease sleeping with him, and overtime I think he will want to return what you had together and if he sees that you’re a loyal and nice person then he will logically not want to lose you.

If you know for a fact that you don’t want to just be fuck buddies with him (and if he isn’t looking for a commitment) then I think that you should kindly tell him that this isn’t what you’re looking for (if you aren’t). If he’s a decent guy then he will not take things personally and continue to be friends with you. Try to avert from doing anything sexual with him and see how things go overtime. By all means do not get stuck on him and do in fact be open to new relationships. If anything, I encourage it, because that way it will be easier for you to get over him and to allow him that you are capable of going out with other guys and aren’t just waiting for him to change his mind about you. There doesn’t have to be anything sexual with the other men, but at least you’ll be out there and not worried too much about the current guy you’re into. Don’t mention anything about wanting him to be your boyfriend, and over some time if things go well and you two don’t lose contact then he will want to return and reignite something with some more serious intentions the second time around.

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  • Cay said:

    I just read this reply and would like to mention that it’s to late for me. Im confident that I was a one night stand. Recently I’ve been avoided and simple conversation has become non existent. Texts are a few words long if not one worded. Last week i was ignore completely. Sadly it hurts to see him. I would like to mention I dont text him a whole lot because I dont want to come off as obsessive and annoying. I am beginning to hate myself for thinking about him because it only hurts me. I don’t really know why I’ve gone back to just ‘barely knowing’ him again. He won’t even go to the movies with me (skipped out when he agreed to come to the movies with me on my birthday). I know his cousin is angry at him and said he’s to stupid to see how nice I am. I don’t know what’s goin on in this mans head

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Cay: Sorry that it’s too late, but now that you’ve updated me on how he’s been treating you, I think it’s probably best to just move on. He clearly doesn’t want to even be your boyfriend and he isn’t even responding to you, meaning he probably isn’t into a fuck buddy scenario. If he’s acting like this now, I doubt he’ll change even once he does decide to answer your calls or texts. Take it as a loss and move on. That would probably be your best choice.

  • Cay said:

    Yea, thought he was my first and it still hurts. My problem is within moving on. An idiotic part of me doesnt want to move and hopes for something while I know that I should. Yet I can’t seem to.

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