Make the Best of What You Have
Okay, I’m in a situation that is really confusing-to me at least..and I’m
hoping you could help with it.
It all started about 3 months ago…I met some guy and when we decided to
meet-there was always his friend with him (he is the one i feel in love
with)..with who i felt a connection right away …anyway that first guy was
kinda rude and all that and we stopped talking. But I did start talking with
his friend more often and then we start seeing each other…( the thing
with me is I haven’t been with a boy (in any way) since last relationship-bad
experience – and well that lasted for two years) and when i start seeing
this guy it was all I wanted in a guy..-but he wasn’t in my “plan”-i
planned to go to USA this February to some guy who I’ve known for a year and
a half and when i started seeing this guy i kinda feel bad about it
cause of that guy in USA so we just decided to be “fuck buddies”-though he said
he would easily fall in love with me etc. He called me those cute nicknames
and stuff…and after sex we stayed and talked for hours…he was sending me
messages 24/7-it was almost like we were together but he said at a time he
doesn’t want to ruin the relationship we’re having with all the normal couples
anyway lately I’ve noticed how I feel more than I should towards
him-actually I fell in love….and i asked him if maybe i have a chance with
him…and he said though I’m a great girl, hot, fun etc. he feels that we wouldn’t
make it in a relationship and that he doesn’t want to make me feel bad or
giving me false hope because he doesn’t feel the same way about me-so should i
just let him go or what? I’m confused and its just frustrating..but we still
see each other and everything…can you please give me an advice?
Photo by Helga WeberIt doesn’t seem like he has commitment issues, because men with commitment issues tend to be more cautious of not getting the girl to fall for him, and this guy really made it difficult for you to avoid it with all the texts and nice remarks, etc. But what it does sound like is that he knows what he’s doing when it comes to women and even though he may be being honest that he doesn’t want to hurt you, that is what he is in fact doing by telling you that he just wants to continue things as they are. He has done a good job at luring you in and he has been playing the game of a sweet guy who is there to make you feel good and be a great companion, but that is it that is all. He has turned you into his fuck buddy and he is genuinely happy with that and does not seem like he wants to either ruin that or he just doesn’t want to tie himself down at the moment. I don’t think it’s that he is a relationship-phobe but it does sound like at the current time he is interested in messing around more than getting into anything serious.
He treats you well and he knows how to keep you interested in him, but at the same time he is teasing you with the hope that things can turn into something special or formal in the near future, yet without giving you the actual satisfaction. I can’t be sure that will not change his mind about you in the future, but I will tell you not to keep your hopes up and wait for him with your fingers crossed because more times then not this will simply continue on as a fuck buddy relationship. So what I would suggest is to look for someone who is interested in a relationship with you rather than just wanting to sleep with you, if of course that’s what you currently want. If you can be okay with just being his fuck buddy then why not just continue on with this path? What you should ask yourself is, ‘Am I happier with being his fuck buddy and doing what we’re currently doing than if I was single looking for someone else?’ You could essentially keep being in a friends with benefits relationship with him and at the same time look for someone who satisfies all of your demands and once you do find that special someone then you can tell this current guy that you’re moving on, and believe me he will understand. All that matters right now is taking in the situation, realizing that it is unchangeable, and making the best of it. My advice though, is if you think you won’t be able to keep your emotions under control while you are in a fuck buddy relationship with him, then it is best to get out of it now. If you are afraid that he will break your heart then get out of it now, because he most likely will since you are already preparing yourself for such a conclusion. Most importantly, take control of yourself and the situation and realize that you do have choices here and you can leave and find someone who does satisfy you more than what you currently have. This isn’t the last relationship you’ll have and you can always find someone that is better for you. And also, meeting new people and dating is loads of fun and thrilling, so the whole process isn’t a negative thing but something to look forward to.