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Making Sacrifices for Friendship

25 March 2010 2 Comments

Hi Robby, love the site and find the advice really useful.

Anyway, I’ve got a bit of a problem. I like this girl quite a lot and quite
a lot of people know at school that I like her (probably including her!) and
the other day I found out (a long with a lot of others) that one of my best
friends also likes her. He has never gotten off with a girl or anything
before (I have a with a few) and we are both 16. He knows I like her and he
knows I know that he does, and now he has started talking to me about it
saying how he doesn’t know if she likes him etc, just talking to me about
his problems with her (and we both know that both of us like her). It is
really awkward and I’m starting to feel like if i got off with her at a
party or something I would feel bad about it, and im also thinking that he
may use the fact that he has never gotten off with a girl for sympathy (we
haven’t talked about it properly yet). Do you have any advice of what I
should do/say to my friend or how I should act?

Thanks a lot Robby,

Hey Mikey, I’ve been in a similar situation before where I was beginning to like a girl and one of my best friends liked her as well. And speaking from experience, I would have to say that since I was not yet involved with her and didn’t have claim on her because we obviously weren’t officially together, I decided to quit pursuing her and give him the right of way. However, before deciding whether or not you think you should give up on her, you should weigh a few things, such as:

  • Is it worth having a best friend be mad at you?
  • Are you certain you can get with her if you do pursue it further?
  • Are you really into this girl or can you easily live without her?
  • .
    I’m usually the type of person that doesn’t mind sharing girls with his friends unless it’s my girlfriend who I care about. It’s important to decipher between what you want this girl for (just pleasure or serious relationship) and since you haven’t gotten with her yet, I would say it’s best to let your friend try out his luck with her, and if he fails then you should ask him if he’s alright with you trying to get with her, and if he’s a good friend then he shouldn’t mind, but if he does then respect that as well.

    My suggestion is you have a talk with your friend and tell him that you know he likes her and that you also like her, but since you see that he really cares about her that you will let him go after her. This not only makes you look like a good friend, but as if you’re doing him a favour. Don’t rub it in his face, but be happy for him and even try to help him out getting her. Remember, it’s just a girl and you’re still young and there will be hundreds of other girls in the future. Since I value friendship much more than any girl, I tend to let my friends get with the girl before me even if I think I may like her or that she may make a good girlfriend. However, you should make sure that this doesn’t happen too often with a friend, and if you sense that he does this more times than once then there is somethin wrong with your friend. If you tell him you like another girl sometime in the future and he acts in the same fashion then you should go ahead and ignore his wishes and pursue the girl because he clearly is just in competition with you. But since that’s not really the issue here, you should let him go for her and step aside this time. If he doesn’t get with her, then you should ask him if he’s alright with you trying to get her.


    • patron said:

      Or tag team that bitch!

    • Robby G (author) said:

      @patron: I don’t know if 16 year old girls are into that, but I gotta say, it’s always worth a try. Chyee.

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