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Biggest Problems Your Friend with Benefits Has with You

20 February 2012 One Comment

When I open my inbox, I notice that the majority of the questions I receive from readers tend to focus on the same issue. “I’ve had a friend with benefits for this or that many months and I’ve began to fall in love with him or her.” In this post I want to clarify to readers how exactly not to get attached to your friend with benefits and just have fun, because if you’re not in it for the fun and want something serious with emotional ties, then get yourself someone who is interested in the exact same thing: a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Any way you put it, the driving force behind a friend with benefits is sex. Sex and the desire for sex is what you two share in common. It may sound a little unethical to some that you can be with someone just for the sex, but that’s exactly what a friend with benefits is. You usually like your FB in the same way you like a friend. You may like spending time with him or her at moments when you have nothing better to do, but there is no monogamous attachment other than that. You aren’t obligated to not see other people and you can have multiple FBs simultaneously. When you’re in a relationship on the other hand, there are a lot of responsibilities that are attached and the reasons why you get a friend with benefits rather than boyfriend/girlfriend is very different.

I’m not going to explain how to find a friend with benefits, that has been covered in various other posts already but I would like to delve into the reasons why someone gets attached to their friend with benefits and how to avoid this.

1. When you’re with a friend with benefits, they do not reveal to you everything about themselves. They tend to show only the good qualities that got you interested in them in the first place. And that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be. A person who is interested in being a friend with benefits over a formal partner purposely does this because they are truly interested in being just that, a Friend with Benefits. If they were looking for something more than that then they would approach a woman with a different mind state. They would be looking for different qualities and they would be expressing themselves differently. You may think that “friend with benefit” situations just happen and there’s no one to hold responsible for it, but I would have to disagree. Sure there are times when you see that this guy you met would be better suited as a friend with benefits rather than boyfriend (a Mr.Right Now rather than Mr. Right so to speak), but most of the time the man or woman know what they’re looking for and they act in accordance to achieving what they are set out to get. Even if it’s not a conscious thought, it’s somewhere in the back of their mind, the thought that they aren’t looking for anything serious at the moment, but if someone does come along then they are open to trying out a friend with benefits type relationship. And therefore their body language and the things that come out of their mouth correspond with their drives. This can pose as a problem down the road when the other person who was initially hooked begins to believe that the person who is their FB is really the way they portray themselves, when in fact the way the FB portrays themselves to be is inauthentic. So do not think that if you love everything about friend with benefits, that he or she will be the same way if you two were in a formal relationship. Friends with benefits do not open up as much as boyfriends/girlfriends do.

2. Another reason why someone may get attached to their friend with benefits is because they get comfortable with them. This usually happens with men who find it unnecessary to find new partners simply because their FB is just a phone call away. If you do not want to get attached to your friend with benefits, then I really suggest that you prioritize benefits over the friendship. What I mean is know that your FB is more of a sex partner of yours than a friend who you go to when you need someone to talk to. When you become too friendly then you begin to get comfortable with that person and feelings begin to develop. When the feelings are one-sided, as they usually are when it comes to one developing feelings for their FB, then that’s where there’s a dilemma. Even when you have a friend with benefits, be open to any other arising relationships when the opportunity presents itself.

3. Women have a tendency to take certain things a FB does and blow it out of proportion. They think if the FB said or did one thing, that it has a much bigger meaning and that it is a signal for something else. For instance, if their friend with benefits slept over and cuddled that it necessarily means that he wants something more. This could be the case, but it rarely is. There are rules to keeping it strictly sexual, but sometimes people act out of what they feel is right that very moment and it doesn’t mean that they want to change the arrangement they have. Once you begin to over-analyze your friend with benefits, that’s time to rethink what you’re feeling towards them. It’s that moment when you start questioning his intentions that you should probably look at yourself and ask if maybe you’re the one who is getting a little too involved and are starting to feel something more serious for him/her.

These are some reasons why people get seriously attached with their friends with benefits and how they may avoid it.

Now, what are some issues you may have had with your friend with benefits, and how did you come about resolving them?

One Comment »

  • Jimmy said:

    This is just great. Been to loads of sites but this one gives it straight. That’s exactly what I wanted to know and this clarifies my problem. Awesome post.

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