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Move On, Move On, Move On

27 March 2011 2 Comments

I wrote to you a few months ago about my FB situation. All has been well
since.

He came over twice in a month recently (with a two week break in between)
which is far more frequent than usual. I sent a light hearted text the day
after his last visit to which he replied that he had decided he could no
longer do this and could no longer cheat on his partner.

Given that he has a few FBs, has been cheating on his partner for over ten
years with random one night stands as well as FBs, has ‘ended’ it with me in
the past (but never because of his conscience) and returned on both
occasions, does this message mean its really over this time?

I respect his wishes but is this him feeling guilty, him wanting to end
things with me specifically (versus cheating in general), or a real sign
that his conscience has kicked in?

If it is a guilty moment, does that mean I just need to give him time before
he comes back?

Also, do I need to reply to him and say I understand and respect his wishes
entirely or just leave it?

I just want to understand if this is another yo-yo moment for him or if its
really over?

I don’t think that it is his conscience kicking in as much as him growing out of the whole cheating mindset. Though I am not sure if he has changed the way he acts around you and other women he’s been going steady with, but it is possible that he just come to an “age” or some sort of change of heart that makes him feel like he does not need to cheat on his wife anymore. If he is sincere about his decision to not see you any longer sexually or in any other fashion, then I do suggest you do respect his wishes and move on. Similarly, you cannot know what sort of things he and his wife have been going through in their own domain and it is possible that he has finally come to a point where he does not want to continue cheating and hurting and disrespecting his wife. It’s also the perfect opportunity for you to exit gracefully without any drama. If I was in your shoes, I would not even reply to his message and just let things be, moving on completely. I’m sure a certain mutual affection has developed between you two, but it doesn’t seem like it’s gotten to a point which is irreversible. It appears that you still have control over yourself and your emotions and it is probably best for you to move on and find other guys. And I would even say that it would be overall more beneficial to you to get into a relationship that is healthy rather than with someone who is already involved with another woman. Not because it is unethical or whatnot, but simply because it is not predetermined to end bad. It really depends on what you’re looking for currently, but if you do have time and the desire then it’s best to take things slow and date around and find someone who is interested in something other than just sleeping around to feed his ego.

So, to answer directly, the fact that he has said that he cannot see you anymore is most likely for the best. And in all honesty, it is probably better for you that even if he decides to come back and get re-involved with you that you turn him down. He’ll probably try to reignite things but if you hold your ground and do not let him contact you then it will be best for you in the long run. Since, with his history, it is very apparent that he changes his mind often and even though he ends things one day he is just as prone to return the next week and try to convince you to be with him again. It’s part of feeding his ego, the knowledge that you will always be there to take him back whenever he pleases he can return back into your life.

2 Comments »

  • Tehra said:

    You are absolutely right about him needing to feed his ego. Since I wrote to you, he did in fact get in touch… by calling in the middle of the night over five times. I had to switch my phone off.

    I am ready to move on because his pathetic needs to feed his ego are boring now. Its as if he can’t do the FB relationship properly or maturely.

    My question to you is how many more times will he contact me before he stops? There are other FBs so its not as if I am hounded (in fact, he’s only tried twice in the last month). Shall I ignore him the next time he contacts me or should I tell him to leave me alone now?

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Tehra: I think it’s just best to not even give him the satisfaction of answering his calls. This way there are no chances of falling back into his traps and trying to bring to life what is already quite dead. Let the past stay there and move on is my suggestion.


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