Moving On is the Hardest Part
My boyfriend and I were together for 5 years until he cheated on me. During the five years he seemed so in love with me and around me that at times i felt like i needed space away from him. He started talking about marriage since we were 17 but i always told him to focus on school so we can prepare for our future. He never seemed focus on school but I needed security and stability for the future, therefore we broke up many times during our relationship but he would always come back and it seemed like he couldn’t live without me.
After he met that girl, he became a completely different person. Very
conceited, into his looks, going out all the time, simply wild and crazy and just the complete opposite of what he was. I felt so betrayed.
This was a year ago. I forgave him, took him back. He expressed that he was very apologetic, he felt guilty. But the relationship was no longer the same. He was acting like if i said one thing wrong he would leave me. for some reason I was afraid of him leaving because he was my best friend. My emotional bank, my emotional balance. Without him, i couldn’t handle my emotions.
Anyway, I recently found out that he’s still cheating on me, with multiple woman now. How does one go from being so in love for so many years to not caring at all? Does he feel any remorse for what he is doing to me? We were together for 6 years, we were each other first everything, how can he treat me like any random girl? Does he feel bad for doing this?
What I will say may not be what you will want to hear but this is quite a mundane fact that usually occurs with couples who got very emotional from a young age and were each other’s first everything and thought they will last together forever. Though you two were together for 6 years, the relationship began at a young age and he may have mistaken lust for love, and because you were the only one he was with, he may have thought it was as good as it got. Then he was introduced to new girls and saw different things he liked in those girls. I’m not saying that you may have not been the right one for him, but he began to experiment and enjoyed what he felt. You said he came back to you and you felt worried that if you make a mistake then he will leave you, but that worry usually becomes the root of the problem. If you constantly try to make him happy so he doesn’t leave, then you yourself become miserable and cannot act comfortably around him.
Your relationship is off balance and before he cheated on you, you used to be the superior and it was he who couldn’t live without you. Now, however, after he got to feel some freedom with those other girls, he feels a push of confidence that he previously did not have. He uses that newly found confidence to embrace his superiority, and the only way that can be balanced out is if you stop folding to his needs and stop caring that he may leave you if you don’t act exactly how he expects you to.
Remorse vs Blame
I can see that you really are heartbroken over this current situation and you want to know if he feels the same way. The truth is, he probably has mixed feelings about the situation. He could be feeling remorse because he can probably feel how much he is hurting you and knows that the history you two shared is something of great importance. However, he may also be putting a little bit of blame on you for taking so much of his time from him. I know this may sound somewhat irrational, but in many cases where a man has been going out with a girl he loved for so long and then moved on and found new interests in new girls, he tends to want to put blame on his past relationship to be able to move past the emotions he felt for his girl (you) and to easily be able to enjoy his “new, bright future”. My advice for you would be to try and move on. I know it’s difficult but in the long run it will work out best for you. You’re still young and though right now it doesn’t seem like the best choice for you, you will really look back on this relationship and see that the best decision for you is also to look forward to better relationships.
I really hope this one bad occurance doesn’t change your perception of things too much, but just remember to learn off experience and be thankful that you went through this now instead of later on in life when things might have been too late to change.