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My Boyfriend is Always Busy

30 August 2010 One Comment

Hi, okay so hopefully you can help me out with this.. I can sort of relate with the past stories I’ve read here, but here’s the thing with me.. my ex-boyfriend is my fuck buddy. We only went out for like a month, but ever since we broke up we’ve still been seeing each other and we broke up like 4 years ago now…but it took us two years to start having sex. So it’s been two years that we’ve been fuck buddies.. and I’m confused to the max! because when we’re together, it’s like we’re still boyfriend/girlfriend but without the title. And there has been situations when he does get jealous if he finds out other guys want to start seeing me or have a thing for me… he never says anything… he just stays quiet and doesn’t really say much. And when we do have sex, it’s not just like we have sex and he leaves. Sometimes he does, but most of the times he stays and cuddles with me and it’s only been one time that he did sleep over, but that time I was home alone (I live with my sister) but I know that if I lived alone he’d spend the night more often. So yes he’s sweet to me and everything, but this is what throws me off: He only sees me to have sex.

Before, we did use to hang out like actually hang out at his house and watch movies together… or go to the park or movies..and this was after we broke up. But now, it’s been a while that he took me out like that.. and only sees me for sex, and I actually straight up told him one night how I felt about him just calling me up for sex… how I felt used by him, and the look on his face I could tell he felt bad, and he told me that he didn’t want me to feel that way and that he wanted to start seeing me more often.

And I told him that I didn’t want him to tell me that only because I had made him feel guilty or anything like that, and he said no, that he really does want to, not just because I said it, but that because he wanted to.

So a month past and I didn’t see him. He did call me through out the month but he said he was really busy and he couldn’t see me…. and I know i’m going to sound naive… but I actually do believe him cause he goes to a university and is working currently two jobs and on the side he makes mini movies and music videos for local upcoming artists… And also a while ago when he met my sister, he told her that he knows how I feel like maybe I don’t believe him about him being busy, but that he really does care about me and this and that. I do notice how he changed after I told him how I felt about being used… But I do believe actions speak louder than words. He only tells me he wants to see me… and that makes me believe that he cares… but he is STILL only seeing me for sex…..

He does call me and text me at times to see how I’m doing… but then again when we see each other it’s just booty calls. And well yesterday he actually told my best friend that she, him and I should hang out soon…. which is really weird because he never really hangs out with me and my friends together. It’s always just me and him… so idk if to take this as a good thing or a bad thing?? Because in a way yeah, it makes me smile that he actually told my best friend that the three of us should hang out… but then again, I feel like maybe this is his way of letting me know we’re just friends?? because just the fact that I haven’t seen him in a month, I feel like he should want to hang out just me and him….not hang out with my friends and I…. It’s just the fact that he hardly ever does that, it makes me scared a little cus I don’t know what that means. Maybe I over think things too much… But since I haven’t seen him since about a month now… I feel it’s just a little weird and out of the blue that he all of a sudden wants to include my friends. Help haha.

I think that he knows if you guys hang out by yourselves then it will inevitably lead to sleeping together again, so it’s perfectly normal and actually a great idea that he is including your friend into the time you will be spending together hanging out. He is taking your feelings into consideration and is inviting your friend just so you are feeling even more comfortable. But that’s not the important part. The real thing you should pay attention to is how he treats you once you are out with him and your friend. If he talks to you the same way he does to your friend then he has an idea that you are just friends who occasionally sleep with each other. If, however, he puts his arm around your shoulder or waste, or holds your hand then he is trying to show you the affection a boyfriend shows his girlfriend. Pick up on the way he treats you that day and you will see for yourself if he likes you like more than just a friend.

If you know that he really is a busy guy who does not have time to hang out too often, then you must consider a few things. You know that he will not quit his studies or work to make more time to see you more often for dates, so you have to really make sure to set your priorities. I genuinely think he likes you, because not only is he making an effort to take you out this next time with you and a friend, and because he spoke to your sister about your relationship and how he did not want to hurt you. You have to decide whether you will be satisfied having a boyfriend who will not always be there due to his busy schedule, but still a boyfriend who does like you and cares for you, or if you rather break things off because you think he is there just for the sex. I think the best thing for you to do is decide based on how he treats you when you are together. Next time you meet and you see it is leading to the bedroom tell him that you’re not in the mood for that and you’d rather just hang out. Read his reaction and see if he shows interest when you are just out someplace like dinner. Another way to test him is if he tells you he wants to see you on a certain night, tell him that you’re on your period and see if he decides to reschedule or he will say that he still wants to see you even if you won’t end up having sex that night. So as you said, actions do speak louder than words, and the fastest way to destinguish his true intentions is by testing him whenever you two are together through the methods outlined above.

One Comment »

  • Alice said:

    Thank you so much for your advice 🙂 well, things are kind of off right now, i feel like giving up. He never went out with my friend and I.. so I didn’t have the chance to see how he’d treat me with my friend being there. We did however hang out a couple times… and it did lead to the same thing – sleeping with each other. I feel really dumb admiting this, because I know I should put a stop to that cycle.. I’m not gna lie though I wanted to as well, not just him. But well this last time he came over to my house, I was home alone and in the end I had to rush him out cause I thought my sister was already on her way home, but I was wrong.. and well I felt bad for rushing him out, because we didn’t even get to hang out or have a conversation at all, it’s like we just had sex and his visit was done.

    So I tried something different this time, when I found out my sister wasn’t coming home until later, I called him right away to let him know she wasn’t going to come home til later, and before I could even ask him if he wanted to hang out a little more he started telling me he was driving and something about how he had a bunch of missed calls and his phone was about to die, so we hung up. But a little while later I texted him asking if he was busy, and he replied yeah, that he had just gotten home and was with his nephew….. so I took it as him not wanting to hang out and I just didn’t reply back. This was about a week ago, and I haven’t seen or heard from him since.

    Now I’m starting to believe he’s lying to me, and I might not be the only girl he’s seeing. So we both have FB accounts… but we’ve never
    added each other, he has my friends on there though, and I found out through one of my friends that he has a recent conversation on there that could affect us, because of a comment this girl posted on there, which has to do with some girl that I’ve been suspicious about him seeing. So what I did is I added him last night, and well he has not yet responded to my request, even though he already saw my friend request. And I know this because we have alot of mutual friends, and I saw he had commented on one of our mutual friend’s status… so I know he’s been online today, he just hasn’t approved my request. And I don’t know what to do… Now everything he has told me about him being too busy to see me and this and that, is starting to look like a lie, he does have school and his two jobs – but apparently he has time to play me out too I guess. I don’t know I could be wrong.. I just don’t know how to talk to him about this or what to do about it..
    Robby?? :/

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