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Once a Fuck Buddy, Always a Fuck Buddy?

6 December 2010 No Comment

I’ve been reading your questions and answers and it seems to me you can
deliver me a pretty good answer.
So I was with my boyfriend for about a year…I broke it off with him and
then I felt the urge to call my guy friend that I had met at an old job.
Well me and him had had sex before, but only once. But before he and I had
sex we also hung out w/ each other, spent time pretty much as “friends”.
Well I also had feelings for him. But when I had contacted him, the first
night we seen each other, we had sex. Almost as if he expected it from me
because we fucked before. Well recently we’ve been meeting up at his place,
to have sex. He texts me all the time though..even if it has nothing to do
with us meeting up for sex. I just really don’t know if he has emotions for
me or he’s just keeping in contact so our FB relationship doesn’t fall out.
I really really like him a lot and I’m sooo scared to confront him about how
I feel, only because I don’t know if the feeling is mutual. We have had
nights recently where we just hang out together with another couple. But
those just happen to be the nights where I’m on my period. I just don’t know
how to deal with it, and I don’t want to be blown off because of the way I
feel. He LOVES to have sex with me, but I just don’t really know if hes
interested in a relationship. How should I confront him and what do you
think of the situation?

I was in a situation very much like that in fact, where I had a girl that liked me a lot at work and we fooled around once in a while but didn’t start dating because I wasn’t really interested in a girlfriend at the time. Then she got herself a boyfriend, but still slept with me one day that we were hanging out outside of work. After that she left her boyfriend and we fooled around occasionally and again it was “expected” like in your situation, because we had already slept with each other beforehand. And also, like this guy, I texted her once in a while just to chat even though I knew we wouldn’t meet up for sex that night. It was just out of politeness and to make sure that the girl doesn’t think you’re only talking to her because all you want is sex. For instance, imagine if he only called or texted you a couple of times a month when he wants to get laid, I doubt you’d be too responsive to him. Now, about confronting him, well that could be difficult. I think the best way to go about it is to first try and control yourself from blurting things out and being very emotional about it. Hear him out first by asking him about his past relationships and why he doesn’t get a girlfriend now. He may tell you he’s currently busy for a girlfriend or he’s just enjoying life and isn’t interested in being tied down. Or he may tell you he’s happy with the current way things are and wouldn’t want to change anything. The thing is, it doesn’t really matter what he says, all that matters is how he says it. Try to read him and see if he really does mean what he’s saying. Also, after that talk he may get the idea that you are interested in or at least thinking about something more than just a fuck buddy relationship, so what he does the next day is important. If he texts you or calls to see how everything is then he may in fact be lying about him being too busy for a girlfriend and that he is looking for something extra from you and is just not willing to admit it yet. If he tries to avoid you the next day then there is a chance that he is doing so because he doesn’t want to give you the impression that he wants a relationship and that your subtle hints have slightly put him on guard.

After that reaction you will get an idea of how to go on from there. You may need to work harder at getting him to want something more serious from him by luring him in through various means, or you may just want to leave things the way they are and enjoy whatever happens. I personally was always a fan of letting the chips fall where they may and seeing what comes out of it. Sometimes the best things happen from things or situations you never expect. Don’t put too much pressure on the guy, because he obviously likes the fun aspect of your “relationship” and if that is ruined by trying to confine him then things may blow up in your face.

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