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Outplaying the Player

3 February 2010 2 Comments

So, i’ve just recently started a physical relationship with this guy. We’ve
known each other for about a year now and have in the last 3-4 months gotten
to know each other alot and on different levels.

We talk about everything and anything very honestly and openly. He’s a guy
who reads people very well, very smart and confident and has a reputation
for being a playa. We hang out with his mates and i get along with them
brilliantly. I’m chilled and relaxed about everything, never push or nag or
demand, the way i’m going at it is a friendship with a sexual attraction.

In the beginning, i thought i had strong feelings for him but the more we
progress i’m just realising i’m having lots of fun and not feeling any need
for more. What confuses me is since we text every day at least once, even
before we we’re having sex we would hang out 3 times a week and have so much
fun. It’s taken us a really really long time to get to this point because we
both just went with the flow…

He’s told me before we started having sex that being a sexually active and
generally casual person, he understands the damage sex and physical intimacy
can cause and he’s not entirely certain he’s good for me. The other night he
asked wouldn’t i prefer someone i can introduce and spend time with my
mates…not a fickle young man that is interested in himself and doing nasty
things to me? And to give him the restraining order when the other fish
swims by.

I’ve basically told him that i’m a person who needs space and wouldn’t
dream of taking a boyfriend to a work function because that’s my time with
my friends. I prefer to be picked up when i’m done, taken on an adventure
and having fun times.

I think i’m just a bit unsure as he keeps bringing the topic up of worried
that i’ll fall for him and i just kinda assumed that a fuck buddy/benefit
friend you would leave that stuff out of it and wouldn’t care….

The thing when dealing with players is that they are used to girls falling for them and getting too emotionally attached at which point the player feels that things are getting too close and bails. This makes the girl like him even more because she once had him and lost him, but he’s already moved onto the next one. Then when a girl who shows the same interest towards him as he shows to other girls, it creates a haze of uncertainty for him. Sure, there’s the sex and the smooth connection, but he’s not used to having a girl who treats him how he usually treats other girls and this turns you into being the mysterious one who he tries to understand more. You’re basically giving him the taste of his own medicine and it’s making him curious. Though you’re playing it cool and know for yourself that there’s nothing serious between the two of you and you’re happy with going with the flow, he may be second-guessing this, feeling confused about whether you’re sincerely not interested in anything more or if you’re just “acting” cool with it.

You don’t really have a problem here as long as you make sure he understands that you genuinely don’t mind that you’re only fuck buddies and nothing more. If he’s a true player then he will be happy with it, but there’s always that chance of him being the one to fall for you rather than you falling for him. One way you can test him on the subject if whether he likes you more than a fuck buddy or not is by mentioning other guys. Fuck buddies shouldn’t care whether or not you are seeing other guys so that would be your best move in my opinion. This however, won’t make him stop liking you less, it will only make you understand better if he has gotten too emotionally attached or not. It will all be in his reaction. If you see that he feels hurt or disgusted then he is in fact gotten too close to you. If you see that he jokes around about it and disregards it as nothing more than another casual conversation topic, then he just views you as a fuck buddy and you won’t need to worry about creating more distance in order for him not to want a formal relationship with you. Once you know if he likes you more than a fuck buddy then you’ll have a different problem on your hands and then it will be upto you how you want to continue with it.

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  • Bonnie said:


    So, so, so perfect!!

    Thankyou from the bottom of my soul.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Bonnie: That’s just what I do 😉
    Thanks for the kind words.

    Reply to Comment

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