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Overcome Insecurities When it Comes to Dating

25 February 2010 8 Comments

I have to admit that even though I have my ways when it comes to talking and flirting and getting girls to come back to my place for a pleasant evening, there are times when I do get to feeling some kinds of insecurities. The insecurities I tend to get consist of the following two thoughts: “Did I do something wrong?” and “Does she not like me?” I’ve come to recognize that these sort of insecurities are normal for men and they tend to flare up when I’ve taken out a girl on a second date and we still haven’t slept with each other, or if I text message a girl and she doesn’t text or call back that same day. If that happens there is a chance that the girl doesn’t want to talk to me that day or doesn’t like me or that I’ve done something wrong, but most times I tend to put a lot more thought into the situation than I should and allow my insecurities to grow to a point where I end up looking at the girl with a completely negative light even when she does call back. Those insecurities build up to a point where I’m imagining worse scenarios than are even possible. Then I realized that there are in fact ways to stop having this type of insecure mindset when I am dealing with a girl I still haven’t slept with.

Keep a ‘Friend’ Mentality

What if you were to call text your good friend and he didn’t reply or call back? Would you get annoyed and think that he doesn’t want to ever talk to you again? Definitely not. Now, apply that same mentality to the situation with the girl you like. If you don’t think you’ve done anything to make her hate you then she most likely has a solid reason as to why she didn’t reply to your text message. There are hundreds of possible scenarios that could have kept her from messaging you back. So by destilling the sexual attraction you may feel for her from your ‘relationship’, you give yourself the ability to handle things with a more calm and collected thought process.

Put Yourself in Her Position

Another method to overcome an insecure thought process is to put myself in the girl’s position, but do it with positive ideas. Maybe she didn’t sleep with me by the second date is because she actually likes me more than I thought and is self-respecting enough to be traditional rather than put out on the first date. Maybe she wants to take it slow and really go know me before with sleep with each other. There are many ways to assess the situation which will make you feel better about yourself and about the girl, and insecurities on certain matters will cease to manifest in your mind.

Find a Side-Project

Insecurities tend to creep up on us when we have nothing better to think about than ourselves. A good way to stop wasting time with insecurities is to get a confidence boost and go out and look for other girls while you wait for the other one to return the call. When she does phone back and you do have it your way finally, you can always drop the side-projects or you can continue seeing other girls, our relationship with the girl you like. Most importantly, while you look for other girls and learn off new experiences, you put aside your insecurities and become active, which allows you to become more confident and less self-analytical.

Those three principles have allowed me to take it easy when it came to girls that wouldn’t always be direct with their intentions. And with experience I have learnt that girls do have their own gameplan as do guys and they do enjoy playing certain games that make men feel insecure about themselves when the girls are just tryign to make us like them more. It is important not to get too affected by these games and begin doubting ourselves when there is really nothing to worry about.


  • Derek said:

    Even the best of us get insecurities sometimes, but I do like that you actually decide to do things about it unlike most guys who just go on acting insecure not knowing how to beat the feeling. This will surely help many guys. Thanks.

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    Robby G Reply:

    @Derek: I hope guys who do feel insecure really do end up taking these advice, because these insecurities can have very bad effects on relationships that could developed into something great.

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  • Shirley said:

    Girls get the same type of insecurities. It’s crazy that men are just as insecure. I think keeping the friend mentality can really work well for us girls too. This post can really serve some good.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Shirley: I’m sure these advice will help girls as well and if they feel like they need to use them then I highly suggest it. A friend mentality makes you look at the situation with much ease and you stop over-thinking everything. I’ve used it before and it’s worked great.

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  • Patron said:

    You’ve done it again. Big post,this one crucial for the psyche and the be4st part of it is when you said see other girls too the more the marrier.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Mr. Patron: Thanks. I like how you put it, ‘the more the marrier’. That’s definitely true. If you’re looking around for other girls, you stop focusing all your attention on that one girl you feel insecure about.

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  • Rafall - Relationship Advice for All said:

    Good article. Insecurities when dealing with the girls they like are common among men. Hope that your article can serve well for the guys out there.

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