Relationship Tips »

[17 Jan 2011 | One Comment | ]

Dear Robby,

All girls suspect and doubt their bfs. I am currently in a relationship with
a man who travels a lot for work.

I did tell him before that I’m not too happy about the frequent traveling
and he’s still not reducing it.

We used to have a fight over the lack of sex – he needs it everyday but I
don’t.

I sneaked a peak at his personal laptop where he stores his personal
pictures and he still keeps pictures of his old flames. There was a recent
one with his ex or fling (shes not local) which he’s keeping it on his
laptop still. This foreign chick probably sent it to him during his birthday
cos he was with me physically during his birthday and not with this foreign
chick. But from the picture with text, it does not seem like they have
broken it off cos she addressed it as – Happy birthday to my dearest
darling.

Now I have some doubts:
1. He doesn’t take pictures of us or of me but he has a lot of his ex-es.
2. He keeps traveling even over weekends, and I’m suspecting he might be
having flings with other chicks overseas since he’s not getting enough sex
from me.
3. He gets defensive when I ask him about his ex-es.
4. The text on the picture I saw doesn’t seem like they broke it off cos
which girl will send a birthday picture with endearing words if he had broke
off with her?

Girls’ instincts of suspicions always prove to be alarm bells and I’m having
mine.

What do you think of my doubts from a guy’s point of view?

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Dating »

[8 Jan 2011 | No Comment | ]

So, I was dating a guy for about 3 months and everything was amazing, he was
always taking me out for dinner, telling me he loved me, telling me that he
wanted to marry me one day and pretty much being the perfect boyfriend.
Everything seemed so right and there was so much chemistry. In August I went
to Los Angeles for 6 weeks and we were emailing every day and talking on the
phone every day, however when I came back things changed. He got really
distant and would always cancel our dates. Then we eventually met up and he
told me that he wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship or wanted to be
single, in the end we decided to try dating again. However that didn’t really
work out and I became frustrated with being messed around and we had some
pretty big arguments and agreed to not date anymore. About 2 weeks ago he
asked me to drop something of his into the bar where he works, I went in
planning on just dropping the tickets off and leaving but instead we were
talking non stop for 2 hours! After that we didn’t really talk again until he
text me one night telling me that he missed me. I ignored the text until the
following day and then asked him what he meant by it. He said that he misses
hanging out with me. I asked if he ever wanted to date me again and he said
that he didn’t know, all he knew was that he wasn’t ready to find out just
yet. Then 2 nights ago he text asking for no strings sex, I declined but
then the following night decided that I did actually want to go to his. He
then said he wasn’t sure if I should because it might turn in to me staying
the night and us talking about our feelings. So I went and we had sex and
then I left. I don’t regret it but now I don’t know where I stand. I know that
he’s still attracted to me, and misses talking to me (although we didn’t
exactly talk last night) and I know that he did love me but now I don’t know
what to do. I do want him back but I don’t know how to go about this without
scaring him off.
Is he just looking for a fuck buddy or do you think there is more to it? If
there is, how do I go about finding out and making something more happen
between us. Should I leave it a few weeks or keep meeting up with him?
thanks any advice would be great.

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Relationship Tips »

[2 Jan 2011 | No Comment | ]

I had this “friend”, who I’d known since I was 16 when we starting working
together. We met up again recently, I’m now 19, he’s 27. We ended up having
a date and ending in bed together, though I later found out that his out of
state for collage girlfriend, who I thought was separated from him, was
still very much in a relationship with him. I knocked him senseless for it,
of course, and a week later she actually dumped him for reasons she hasn’t
told him yet, and he came to realize “Oh, wait, I actually did like her!”.

Somehow, we’ve developed an odd friendship/sexual relationship. I was
fighting it from the start, since I’ve never had or really agreed with
casual sex outside of a relationship, but he kept pushing and I usually gave
in each time. It’s been going on for maybe a month and a half. Last night,
for the first time, I played a bit of an experiment. I was craving someone
to give actual love to, and so, for the first time, I initiated sex with
him. Only I put real emotion into it and treated him the way I would have
treated someone I DID love and was in a committed relationship with. As I
suspected, the following morning he was more solemn, and now this evening he
admitted what I had been trying to tell him for a month and half: sex is an
emotional experience, and if he is truly still in love with his ex,
having sex with another person is going to be too draining on the heart.

I’m interested that this happened directly after giving him actual emotions,
though, and a part of me is wondering if it isn’t now too hard on him to
continue because he felt himself responding TO the emotions…in other
words, he was starting to care just a little too much. What do you think?
Possible?

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Dating »

[30 Dec 2010 | One Comment | ]

Dear Robby G,
I have a really complicated situation that I hope you can help me shed some
light on. So I met this guy at a bar and we really hit it off and I know it
sounds dumb but I lost my virginity to him after a couple of dates.
Afterwards he was treating me like his girlfriend (introducing me to all his
friends, telling his parents about me, making me dinner, breakfast, taking
me to hockey games, ect.) He was super nice to me and we had so much fun
together, we really connected. But one day he got really drunk and ask me to
be his girlfriend and told me he really likes me. I told him I like him too
but really want him to ask me in person sober. So the next day he didn’t
bring it up so I asked him what it was all about and he replied with “oh i
just talk shit when I’m drunk, not looking for a relationship right now”
ever since then he has been acting really weird towards me (awkward, quite,
uninterested in our conversations, uninterested in having sex, really just
emotionless and rude sometimes. He also used to be very persistent in me
meeting his parents before and hasn’t asked lately) He still invites me over
all the time to his apartment and wants to chill and have me sleep over and
he makes me dinner and we watch movies but he is still awkward to talk too
and he won’t have sex with me because he is ‘tired’.. he wont laugh at my
jokes anymore either. I’ve tired to talk to him about how he is acting and
he denied it and said he hasn’t changed and i should stop worrying. I also
feel talking to him about the way he is acting has made things worse. This
has been going on for a while now.
It’s weird because i don’t understand what he wants.. he doesn’t want a
relationship, and doesn’t want sex, but still wants to act like we are
dating?
I am interested in having a relationship with him but I’m not trying to push
things either cause I don’t have a problem with what we used to have.. I’m
willing to go with the flow right now as long as he can go back to acting
like he used to. What can you make of this situation? Why is he acting this
way? Anything I can do to resolve it?
Thank you!

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Friends with Benefits »

[23 Dec 2010 | 2 Comments | ]

I met a really great guy through an online dating site and we chatted online
EVERY evening; really hit it off. He seemed VERY keen, and pursued me, even
talking about how much he liked me etc. We met up one evening in a club and
spent the whole evening talking and kissing. He was still keen after this
date, saying he loved kissing me etc. I met up with him for a daytime date 2
days later and we had a great time, kissing and getting slightly more
physical, or so I thought. I didn’t hear from him the next day so texted
him and got a very terse reply. He then went quiet on me for 2 days so I
challenged him about it and he said that he now only wanted a casual
relationship with me because he thought I would be too demanding, and that
he probably wouldn’t fall in love with me. I told him I wanted more from
him but accepted that he didn’t, so agreed to become fuck buddies.

He came round that night and I pleasured him but he didn’t give anything
back, so I felt angry and messaged him to tell him to forget it then. He
seemed to be more offended than I was and we didn’t contact each other for a
little while. I eventually messaged him again to say I didn’t really want
to stop seeing him, and eventually we resumed meeting up.

From that point of me saying he could forget our deal, he stopped kissing
me, and we kept it purely physical, although we usually lie together and
chat for a couple of hours afterwards. I pretty much stopped contacting him
and just let him text me to ask if he should come over when HE wanted to,
with me deciding if I want to see him or am free then. We don’t chat
between meetups any more, except VERY rarely. When he does come over, it’s
largely me pleasuring him. We’ve only actually had sex once.

We’ve had this arrangement for 3 months now and physically he is getting
more tactile and ‘giving’ towards me, although he still doesn’t actually
contact me every week. The longest gap has been 3 weeks. He regularly asks
me if I’ve been physical with anyone else (and although I joke about it, the
answer is always no apart from one date with another man I had, after which
I kissed him, which I told FB about). I tease HIM about being a man-slag
and about the other women he gets off with because although I like him and
do want more, I also don’t want to possess him, because that’s not what I’m
like. I enjoy the time we have together, but I don’t do jealousy. Jealousy
is about fear of losing something and since I don’t believe we can own other
people, I also believe we can’t ‘lose’ them.

He contacted me one weekend in a way which felt more unusual; he first
texted me a lot earlier than he usually does to ask if I was going out that
night. Then later in the evening, he actually called me, which he NEVER
does. He left a message and I replied with a text. Then I didn’t hear
anything back till the small hours when I was fast asleep, to which I
reacted very angrily and basically told him to Foxtrot Oscar! He
spontaneously drove to my house and knocked on my door, but I refused to
open it because I was so annoyed at him thinking he could behave like that,
turning up unannounced in the small hours expecting to be serviced. He
tried to see me the next day too, but I was busy so didn’t see him again
till the following weekend.

I started to think I was developing stronger feelings for him after that
last meet-up and strangely neither of us contacted the other for another 3
weeks. Then I spontaneously sent him a dirty text (I never usually initiate
contact because often he just ignores me anyway). But this time he
responded and came over.

This time, for the first time since we agreed to become FBs, he kissed me on
the lips whilst we were being physical. It was only for a short while, but
it was a definite kiss like he gave me the first two times we met up. But
afterwards, whilst we were talking, he told me he’d had sex with someone
else recently. Again, that’s up to him as far as I’m concerned, as long as
he’s not spreading any disease to me! But I’m now wondering why kiss me if
he still just wants to be fuck buddies and sleep with other people? It was
nice and I enjoyed it, but I don’t think I can let him kiss me and still
keep it as FBs as that feels too intimate and emotionally connecting?? I’m
not asking for huge commitment from him at all; I’m separated and have two
young children and having just come out of a long-term relationship myself,
I’m not really ready for another big commitment myself. I’d just like to be
a little bit more than JUST FBs – to contact each other during the week just
to chat, maybe go out on the odd date, see each other a bit more than every
couple of weeks etc. He has no commitments of any kind, and again, that’s
fine with me. But I don’t want to feel like I’m allowing myself to somehow
be ‘sucked into’ an emotional commitment with him sending me more intimate
signals if he doesn’t actually want that. I’m content and accepting of
keeping things as they are for a few more months, but I don’t want my hopes
to be got up of something ‘more’ if it’s not to be. I’m also content to
start off VERY slowly and just see how the land lies, but I’m not prepared
to do that if he’s sleeping or being physical with other women. So now I’m
trying to decide whether to knock it on the head now, in case I get too
‘attached’ to something that really isn’t actually there at all, or allow
there to be the feeling of hope of something more and just let it flow
naturally?

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Friends with Benefits »

[11 Dec 2010 | One Comment | ]

I’ve known this guy for years. I was always attracted to him but just a
couple of months ago started openly flirting with him. He showed some
interest as well, so we exchanged emails and started talking. When I asked
him what he wanted he said ‘sex’ and when I said I had no problem with that
he answered ‘but can you managed to not get attached’? I understood that he
just wanted to be fuck-buddies and I agreed since such an arrangement is
convenient for me as well.
Since we started seeing each other, however, he’s started making me think
maybe he wants something else. He cuddles me, holds my hands, cups my head.
He almost always looks like he wants to kiss me and lately has even started
making games out of trying to kiss me. What’s more there are occasions where
he gets very serious, almost like he’s going to say something important,
then he’ll just stop and make a joke or something. The other day he even
started talking to me about what I wanted regarding marriage, children,
etc.
What makes it doubly confusing for me is the fact that he IS a guy I could
have a relationship with, but because of what he’s said I’m staying
emotionally distant. I don’t know whether or not to let him act this way or
tell him to keep things strictly business.

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Hooking Up »

[6 Dec 2010 | No Comment | ]

Robby,
I’ve been reading your questions and answers and it seems to me you can
deliver me a pretty good answer.
So I was with my boyfriend for about a year…I broke it off with him and
then I felt the urge to call my guy friend that I had met at an old job.
Well me and him had had sex before, but only once. But before he and I had
sex we also hung out w/ each other, spent time pretty much as “friends”.
Well I also had feelings for him. But when I had contacted him, the first
night we seen each other, we had sex. Almost as if he expected it from me
because we fucked before. Well recently we’ve been meeting up at his place,
to have sex. He texts me all the time though..even if it has nothing to do
with us meeting up for sex. I just really don’t know if he has emotions for
me or he’s just keeping in contact so our FB relationship doesn’t fall out.
I really really like him a lot and I’m sooo scared to confront him about how
I feel, only because I don’t know if the feeling is mutual. We have had
nights recently where we just hang out together with another couple. But
those just happen to be the nights where I’m on my period. I just don’t know
how to deal with it, and I don’t want to be blown off because of the way I
feel. He LOVES to have sex with me, but I just don’t really know if hes
interested in a relationship. How should I confront him and what do you
think of the situation?

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