Relationship Tips »

[1 Dec 2010 | One Comment | ]

hello Robby, i have written to you before and really love the advice… So
here it goes, i met this guy through an online dating site last december..in
january we finally decided to meet up and things hit off very well.. but
after a few days we both agreed that we only wanted to keep things casual
and no official relationship. We both had just come out of a
relationships…. so after this we started sleeping together and going out.
since then we have become very close, and i think i have fallen for him :S
on the first month of this i and some of my friends pranked call him and
made him believe that we were women interested in him… he somehow related
this to some girl who he ended up having an argument with her because of
this… so i stopped. Just a few weeks ago when i stayed over at his house
that he found out by accident that it was me who made this calls… we didn’t
talk all night and he didn’t touch me, it felt so awkward… anyway… the
day after my mom,my aunt and my cousin were going to a concert in spanish
(i’m latin) and he decided to still come to this concert, he met my mother
and everything went very well that night.my mother of course thinks hes my
boyfriend, there is no fuck buddy relationship in her mind…so she kept
telling me off and saying that i am very cold around him, in comparison with
my real ex’s! During this concert i caught him checking out another girl, and
saw him texting other women… this really pissed me off and made me upset,
but of course i didn’t say anything to him about this… a few days after he
calls me and says to come over to his, he takes me hairdresser with him, he
ask for my approval on his haircut, we have dinner with his mum and for some
reason he seems more affectionate… so i’m not really understanding how he
feels after the pranks calls which cause him a lot of problems… i feel
really bad and i have said sorry to him… the main problem is that i really
don’t know how he feels towards me, i try to act like i do’n like him in that
way and talk to him about my exes and boys that talk to me, but he never
mentions things like this to me… he has also become more romantic in
bed… not as cold as the first few months we started this… last week as
a joke i asked him what he would say if i said i loved me and he said “i
can’t do anything about that, there is nothing i can do about that”!!!
obviously i tried putting this as a joke but it really hurt to see that
reaction… i am so confused. I really love this guy, and i’m just scared to
tell him this, hes 31 and am 19 but we on so well. tonight on his facebook
he put a song on how someone will make this woman cry when she finally falls
in love… so i commented and he said it reminded it of me but then said he
was joking.. i said somone must have dedicated it to him as he is such a
player.. he sent me a text saying not to call him a player and deleted my
comments of his facebook, and right away he puts another song called “you
don’t know me”.. i dont know if that was for me but it felt like it.. i hate
feeling this way, I want to just say things to him and how i really feel but
i dont think he will trust me, especially after i talk to him about other
guys and a few months ago told him i still loved my ex..dont know what to
do. please please help me…. i will do as you say..
thank you so much, and i am really sorry for the length of this… but i
really need to take this off my chest

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Breaking Up, Friends with Benefits »

[27 Nov 2010 | 3 Comments | ]

Hi Robby,
I’m going to try to make this as short as possible. My ex boyfriend whom I
started dating more than 12 years ago while we were in high school, have a
baby together. We dated for 1 year in high school, he was my first, then he
cheated on me my senior year and we broke up. We didn’t speak for about 2
years then ran into each other. We immediately started fucking again at
least once a week, this went on for 5 years. We both had relationships with
other people meanwhile we never stopped fucking each other. I got pregnant
and he moved away for a year half way across the country with some girl he
supposedly was going to marry. Never called or came to see our baby for a
year. He called one day after we had our court hearing for custody after he
pretty much didn’t get anything and told me he was coming home. We
immediately started fucking again, and now it’s 5 more years of us fucking.
90 percent if my friends are guys and I have heard I’m the perfect fuck
buddy who doesn’t break the rules, I think that’s why this 12 year Saga has
gone on so long. You have to tell me some way to get out of this, it’s
starting to get to me.

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Friends with Benefits »

[26 Nov 2010 | One Comment | ]

There’s this guy i’ve been fbs with for about 8months. I’ve seen other
people and i know he has too. we dont talk too much about the others. we have
but usually dont. Before i explain i should tell you that in a way we both
have been called emotionally unavailable. We both prefer hook ups than gfs.
We have a lot in common especially our love for women. It was always
when-ever we were free which could be once a week, once a month or sometimes
longer. But for the past say month or so things have started to feel
different. little things like one we have hung out multiple times and didnt
have sex. a few times i woke up and we were cuddling. just hung out cooked
foood and watched movies.

I had an upsetting talk with an ex talking about how i would horribly fail
as a gf, i texted him because i know he’d tell me the truth as friends. he
told me i would be an amazing gf and then sent a text not talking about how
its okay im not in a relationship and about how he just isnt ready to be in
a relationship. I wasnt asking anything about us or why he wasnt so i that
confused me. We text quite a lot compared to the begining. Not everyday
usually, sometimes, but a few times a week. Most of the time its not even
about sex anymore. he always has me sleep over and has even driven me to
work and stopped by starbucks so i can get a coffee(which is my favorite).
he’s told me about a woman he really wanted to be with and how it was not
the woman for him. i’ve told him about guy i was in love with who turned out
so wrong as well. the other night we hung out and talked about baking
because i love to bake. he had said something about how would i like to go
to his moms and make a homeade gingerbread house. Dont get me wrong i didnt
take it as me meeting his mom as anything but a friend. He said a few
friends go every year. Later that night though he dropped a “if you want to
impress my friends you’ve got to learn how to make these cookies my mom
makes” What is that? why would i need to impress his friends. Plus we wants
us to get a soda machine and keep it at his apt?(thought that was random)

I’ve never looked at him more than a fb. not saying he’s a bad guy, he’s
amazing but i never looked at it anything more than sex. so my question is,
is it turning to more or am i just being paranoid?

-Kitty

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Hooking Up »

[15 Nov 2010 | No Comment | ]

Robby G. This is my situation.
I just ended my 6 year relationship with my girlfriend. I had been thinking
about it for a few months and finally did it. It was easy for me to do, not
easy for her to take. I talked with some girls, banged a couple randoms. A
bunch of new hot girls got hired at my work. I started to work on some. I
met this one girl. At first I just wanted to get drunk and bang her a few
times. We started talking I didn’t hit on her really just tried to be cool
and make her laugh. We started texting each other. Me and some friends were
going to the bar one night. I texted her and said she should come with her
roommate (her roommate works with me too.) She came out I got wasted and
thrown in the drunk tank. When I talked to her the next day she thought it
was hilarious. We kept texting each other. She was having people over and
wanted me to come over and drink the next weekend. I got drunk and stayed in
her bed. I tried to bang her but she wouldn’t let me. I was supposed to go
over the next night but she cancelled last minute. I went over to a friends
place instead. We had been texting each other frequently that day. I stopped
texting her as much. She asked if I was mad but I played it off that I was
driving and couldn’t text. I just kept the text short and neutral. She
texted me later in the evening“ if you want you can still come over I’m
not doing anything now” I went over, I tried to bang her she wouldn’t
let me. She said she was hesitant to hook up with someone from work because
of rumours. She cuddled up to me during the night. I couldn’t tell if she
really wanted to hook up or if she was just playing games. We kept texting
each other. I invited her over to my place a few times and she said yeah but
then cancelled at the last minute. I shortened my texts. She could tell I
was mad. I was working night shift, she was drinking with people at her
place. She told me to come over and cuddle after I got off at 7am. I went
over she cuddled up to me right away. She started to kiss and grind. I tried
to go down her pants. No dice. We talked about stuff for awhile. She said
she was worried about people talking at work, she did’nt want rumours going
around. (We work at a youth jail this can lead into problems.) She also told
me she just got out of a 2 year relationship and she wasn’t looking for
anything serious and told herself not to hook up with anyone from work
because it can turn out bad. I just wanted to bang a few times and that’s
it. I hung out with her, her roommate, and a guy from work. I got wasted I
stayed the night and we banged. We started to text for often. Over the
course of texting she was very clear that she does not want anything except
to hang and bang, but we made an agreement we won’t hook up with anyone else
from work but she really does not want a relationship at all. I thought
perfect. We kept texting everyday. She was going to Vegas for 3 days. We
kept texting and I jokingly said you better not bang guys down there. She
told me why? it doesn’t matter we aren’t together and its none of my
business. We kept texting and she kept stressing that she just wants to fool
around nothing exclusive just no people from work. S
She keeps stressing to me she doesn’t want a relationship and thinks I’m a
awesome guy, wants to bang but is hesitant about banging because of work. I
didn’t care about what people said at work, I just wanted to bang her
because she was hot and lots of guys at work wanted to. We kept testing
allot. I noticed that I went from wanting to bang lots of girls to thinking
about her a lot. I noticed that I was starting to like her. She went to
Vegas. I played it cool like I wasn’t worried about her doing guys and
that I was pumped for her to go, I kind of hinted that I wanted something
kind of exclusive, nothing serious just bang only each other. She did not
want anything exclusive, she had mentioned when we first started testing
each other everyday that she had loose ends with a guy. She texted me from
the airport that she was going to turn her phone off for 3 days and would
text me when she gets back. I played it cool said I was jealous that she
gets to go to Vegas and get drunk while I am on nights. That night she
texted me from Vegas that she was thinking of me. Over the next few days she
kept testing me. She called me a few times as well drunk out of her mind. I
couldn’t even understand her really. The last night in Vegas she texted
me. I didn’t get the text for a few hours. I texted her back. I heard
nothing. When I did hear back from her I said I was kind of worried you kept
in touch with me the whole time and called me drunk every night then you
didn’t answer my texts and you just disappeared. She responded I am not
your girlfriend. I said I know I‘m not trying to make it like that but you
text me cute things and called me drunk 3 times while your in Vegas. She
said she “was sorry she isn’t trying to make it like that and she knows
the way we act is relationship style which is weird.”. Her texts were kind
of different after that kind of distant. She was supposed to come over to my
place after work the night after she got back from vegas. She said she was
so tired she didn’t want to. I asked if she wanted to still hang sometime
soon. She said I could come over to her place she is just in a bad mood and
feels lazy. I went over and she was really grumpy. We kind of got into a
argument she said I don’t know what your expecting from this. I said
nothing I could tell she was trying to make it clear that she just wants to
hang and bang. I said “ I’m not expecting anything but you cant say that
and send those kinds of texts while your in Vegas.” We both were quiet
for the next while. When we were lying in her bed that night I said
something and she got mad. We were quiet for awhile. I said ok do you want
me to go home this is awkward? She said no she was over it. We started to
cuddle and kiss. I went down her pants and she was so wet right away. I said
wow your wet already. She said well its been a few days. I took this as a
hint that she was trying to tell me she didn’t bang any guys in vegas) I
said you have no idea how happy I am to hear that, she giggled. We finally
banged a second time and this time I didn’t have any performance anxiety
(the levitra probably helped to). When she got back into bed she said “ I
am going to sleep really good now, your really good in bed. She got called
into work early in the morning she went in. I was already supposed to stay
the next night because I was going to a kegger near her place and she said I
could stay at her place after the kegger. She told me to stay at her place
during the day while she was at work instead of driving back to my place 45
mins away then coming back the same day. Now I am sitting at her place. I
notice now that I really like this girl. I went from wanting to be single
for awhile to really and play her to liking her a lot. I thought back and
noticed that I think about her a lot and we text everyday. When she is
sleeping in bed I can hardly keep my hands off of her. Her body and face are
so sexy. I never really like just cuddling with girls, its gay. I am
stressed now because it seems the tables have turned. I don’t know what to
do but I know I don’t just want to bang this girl anymore. I don’t know
if I want a girlfriend either but I cant help these feelings for her. I’ve
been with a lot of girls, a lot. This is the first girl ever I think that
has giving me this feeling and I’ve never had butterflies either. I
don’t know what to do. I don’t know what she is thinking or how she
feels about me. How do I get her to myself. I think she might like me but
still just wants to bang, she is a very independent person. I don’t know
what to think. I think the potential is there for it to happen I just have
to play my cards right? Help me out brother??? P.S. I tried to donate it
would not work.

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Friends with Benefits »

[15 Nov 2010 | 3 Comments | ]

Hey,your blog and advice is great so I thought I would your insight into my
situation.

I need your advice on how to win a FB back. Background:

He is married but that works well for me because it means that we can really
only be FBs. He’s a proper player because they have been together for 13
years but he has been unfaithful throughout. He claims he needs the
variation but there is also an obvious need for him to have his ego massaged
too. He loves attention and loves feeling wanted by women.

I met him a year ago and from what I understand he has several (I don’t
know how many) girls he sees regularly and then the one-night stands. I
suspect one or two of the regulars are girls the wife knows and many exes
are also known to her because they run in the same social scene. I also
suspect that some of the ‘regular’ girls are told they are the only
‘other’ apart from the wife so that they don’t expose him and become
jealous. He knows he does not have to worry about that with me as I have
never placed any commitment demands on him.

On the whole we see each other once every 6-8 weeks so it’s not that
frequent. In between there is flirting and attempts to see each other more
but it never works out because we both have busy schedules. He chased me for
a good month before we got together and he openly admitted that he came
after me because I have not commanded any commitment from me, I am
‘different’ to the other girls he knows (and I know that to be true –
all the others are in the same ‘scene’ as him – I am not at all) and
he can openly see other girls too.

Truth is we have good sex and connect well physically. He likes my sense of
adventure and I like that he is keen to please. I am dirty in our text
exchanges which he enjoys and naughty when it comes to suggestions for our
bedroom antics. He likes being able to call me spontaneously too if he wants
to come over. He is always complimenting me in bed and our FB sessions work
well because despite the lack of commitment, it is quite intimate. He also
understands it will be over when I meet someone I want to enter a proper
relationship with. He will occasionally ask if I would still sleep with him
once I am married and I tell him he will be well out of the picture by that
point.

He has ‘ended’ it twice but because he claimed his wife found an email
from me and because someone alerted his wife about an infidelity so he had
to cut it off with everyone. On both occasions, he came back. In the time I
have known him we have had a few minor ‘moments’. One of us has upset
the other but nothing serious. Most recently a text conversation took place
which ended badly. He told me to delete his number, not to contact him again
and had a rant in the process. This was the first time he had been angry and
I know its because I had hit a nerve. Also, although we are not Facebook
friends, he blocked me. I suspect this was due to his anger but also because
he was securing all avenues of being exposed to his wife. Girls have tried
to do that to him in the past when he has upset them. I think he was
expecting me to retaliate further (to his text) but I did not. I replied
immediately to his angry text telling him I was sorry. I sent another at the
end of the day saying sorry again. And then a last one explaining why I said
what I said two days later. In all honesty, I wasn’t expecting a reply to
any of the messages but I wanted to diffuse his anger immediately. He
doesn’t hold grudges and is very easy going so I knew I needed to
apologise to get him back ‘on side’.

I am writing to you because I don’t know how to long to wait before I can
determine if he really meant what he said or if there might still be a
possibility that we can continue where we left off. In the past there have
been periods of 4 weeks with no contact. He is young in the head so please
don’t assume I have not had to deal with my fair share of childish
behaviour from him and ego crap. He tends to chase me and want me more when
he thinks I am dating someone – typical male ego.

The sex is good and set up convenient and I don’t want it to end. Our
sexual relationship means I can enjoy good sex whilst exploring proper
relationships with other guys and not give in to celibacy. What can I do to
win him back? I am hoping you will say sit still and he’ll come back. I am
worried that I hit a nerve too hard and he will not contact me again. Any
advice you can give would be appreciated.

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Dating »

[9 Nov 2010 | No Comment | ]

Hi,
I’m really confused right now and I really need your help.
I met him online. He seemed a nice guy so when he asked me out I agreed. We
went for some movies and dinners. And yes we had sex. He never wants to call
me but whenever I call him, he answers and if I want to see him, he’s okay
with that and let me come to see him.
I didn’t want a relationship with him at first, because at that time I just
got out of a really bad 2-year relationship.
He works fulltime and likes to go to the gym after work, but he keeps his
weekend free for friends and stuffs. So I only can see him at weekend
because he has to sleep at 10pm and wake up at 6am. He’s 28 and I’m 20 I’m
still in uni so I stay up late more than he does. We also live far away from
each other, about 30 mins driving.
He never call me, but when I call and ask him to meet up at weekend, he
always say yes and we always spend time with each other like I stay at his
or he stays at mine.
I didn’t have any feeling at first but then I start to have some emotions. I
don’t know but whenever I’m with him, I feel happy. He makes me laugh all the
time. He listens and comments to all of my stupid statements and even when
I’m sad, he tries to make me feel better with all kind of jokes. While we
are sleeping he holds me really tight a whole night. I have never had anyone
held me that tight while sleeping. Even our legs are together too 😀 and
I’m so in love with that feeling he gives to me while we are sleeping. If
I like something he also does for me. If we watch TV and I don’t like the
channel even he likes, he changes for me. I don’t know I’m just so in
love with the time we are together, full of laughs and fun.
But that’s it. He never call me first. He’s pretty a private person too
he never talk much about himself. He always return my missed calls, and
whenever he says he calls later, he does it. I was joking one time, that he
had to call me more don’t let me call him. He laughed and said okay he
would call me but he didn’t. When I called him he said ‘but you didn’t
call me either”.
I don’t know what he wants. He didn’t accept me, I mean show any
interested, and didn’t avoid me. But when I start having all the feelings
stuffs for him after we spend time with each other and all the talk the
laugh, I feel upset. Now I do want a relationship with him but I don’t
think he likes me. But why did he always treat me so nice.
I had one friend with benefit before my ex. He acted totally different. He
kept distance from me, never stay the night. We didn’t talk much about
anything. We only talked a bit about our lives when he came to see me. But
nothing more than that. He even didn’t care about me.
The guy I’m with right now. I don’t understand. He never call me but he
don’t avoid me too. And he doesn’t keep that much distance.
I really need your help to make me understand what he wants. Because the
feeling only can see him once a week and the feeling wana be his gf are
killing me.

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Dating »

[2 Nov 2010 | One Comment | ]

I met a guy, through a mutual friend. As we talked, we found out that we
both grew up in Asia and went to sister schools. A few weeks later, I added
him on Facebook and we had an hour long chat about music and other random
bits of music. He’s a DJ. I made my way up to the city with friends one
night and asked him to meet up with us. We spent the whole night hanging
out/talking. He bought my friends drinks, introduced me to his friends.
Great night! He asked me to come home with him, I declined- wanting to play
coy. We stayed up texting each other till 4am that night.
There were a couple facebook wall posts initiated by him throughout the week,
and an invite to his birthday in the city for the following weekend.
I was in the city again 5 days later, and text him. He asked me to come
over, I told him that my friends wouldn’t let me leave unless he came and
got me. He did, left his phone number with my best friend and assured him he
would take me to my best friend’s house the next morning (30 miles away!!!)
After we hooked up, he spooned me the whole night and in the morning lent
me clothes to wear so I wouldn’t have to do the walk of shame in my party
clothes. Mind you this was after I fell off his bed, yanked his door knob
out of it’s socket, ripped his boxer shorts, and completely vampire hickeyed
his neck(talk about disaster). He also offered to walk downstairs and drive
his car around the block and park out front of his building so I wouldn’t
have to walk too far in my walk of shame outfit ( one of his large Tshirts
and a hoodie).
We drove to my best friends house and just chatted and laughed the entire
time. We kissed goodbye and I told him I would see him at his bday. He
insisted I kept his shirt- so I would be comfy on the ride home.
I was running late to his bday party on Saturday night, I was at another
friends party. When I came in I greeted him hello (he was at a bar, crowded
with multiple friends) with a hug. He complimented my jacket, because it
matched his pants. I made a comment about the Vneck he was wearing since it
was the shirt I slept in at his house. This also displayed all his hickeys.
Not much really happened, he got cake shoved in his face, and I licked it
off. I eventually had to leave because a friend got sick. I told him to text
me, if he wanted to hang out later. I ended up passing out, but he did text
me at 3:30 am asking how my friend was. I text him when I woke up saying, I
was sorry that I missed his 3am text because I passed out. I didn’t hear
from him till later that night, saying he had a busy day- and asking how my
day was.

My question is. WHAT is going on here? I like the guy. Am I reading too much
into it?!? HELPPP

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