Hooking Up »

[30 Oct 2010 | One Comment | ]

Dear Robby,

I wrote some time ago here about a guy Id met. We were initially sleeping
together but he was taking it super slow to get involved emotionally and
allow feelings into the arrangement. At first I thought we were just
f-buddies. But he denied that and said it was more. Very very gradually it
has indeed developed into more. We now spend a lot of time together and do
lots of couple stuff together. We have even had shows of jealousy on both
sides. However, he’s a really sexually active guy, practically horny all the
time. I’m fairly inexperienced. Not what you would call good in bed. But I’m
willing and eager to learn :)) The problem is I know he is having
occasional sex with other women – including his ex. I am worried this is
because he finds me boring in bed and is looking for other ways to meet his
sexual needs. Although I initially thought I could live with infidelity, in
reality it really hurts. I am afraid to confront him about it. But now every
time we’re not together, I cant help wondering what he’s been up to and with
whom. Would it help if I worked on being good in bed..? Then perhaps he
wouldnt need to go elsewhere..
I would like him to commit just to me, I would like a real serious
relationship with just the two of us in it. But he seems to avoid any talk
of “us”, the future, planning… It sounds like SUCH a cliche, but how do
you make a man commit..? I fear talking to him about it openly would only
have the opposite effect – it would scare him off.

Thanks in advance for your advice.

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Breaking Up »

[27 Oct 2010 | One Comment | ]

Hi here is my relationship story and hope you could give me some advice.

I met a guy last year in July 2009 and he totally swept me off my feet. He
inspired me and lured me close to him with all his “wonderfull life
accomplishments” stories. I (23yrs) was doing my postgrad studies and he
joined the school was totally new, and I thought i could help him out around
campus and share some experiences of my country etc. The first thing he
told me was that his dad past away a year prior and his mom past away in Jan
09. I felt so sorry for him and u know this just drew me closer to him. He
told me about how wealthy he was and his A+ varsity grades. Our
relationship progressed and by Aug 09 it turned sexual. He was my first
everything. As time progressed, I started to realise that 90% of what he
told me were lies. When I confront him he would deny it and I would never
get the truth it would be impossible. And what shocked me the most was to
discover that his mom was still alive I found this out Sep 2010. I am just
confused because I know that the relationship can not continue because he is
a liar. I can’t even talk about the lies affecting our relationship because
it gets me no where and he puts the blame on me and i feel terrible and then
i want to be closer to him to console him. This guy is really good he treats
me well, he assists me with my problems, makes sure i am taken care of. He
helps me with my studies. If it were not for all the lies and for the fact
that he has a child from a previous relationship (which i just can’t come to
accept). I would have loved to marry him because he takes good care of me
and i care about him. I however realise that all his lies and manipulation
aswell as the child he has- i just cant live with this. I really want to
get out of the relationship but have no idea where to start. its like he can
always find me no matter where i run to. He will find me and tell me how much
he loves me and has cared for me and i get confused because i believe him
when he says he loves me. If he has treated me badly i would have run away
a long time ago but that is the problem, he treats me very well. I just have
to get out of the relationship is not healthy. How do I break up with him a
part of me feels that i am stuck and can never get out. its like he owns
me? how do i get out?

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Friends with Benefits »

[22 Oct 2010 | No Comment | ]

So I have a question. I’ve been seeing this guy on and off for a whole year now. We are just friends with benefits. All the way back in the beginning of all this I was so confused because I knew I could definitely fall for this guy. I’ve known him ever since highschool and although we were never too friendly with each other through the years, we did become friendly through social networking. He once asked me to go over to his house. I did. Nothing happened that night. We both had a bit to drink and ended up passing out on separate couches. Once the morning came I realized he had gone into his bedroom to sleep and I had then left without warning to him. We saw each other again, (after my telling him I was interested in getting to know more about him). Before seeing each other again, he explained how he is not looking to commit to a relationship with anyone. I understood but saw him anyway and that’s of course the first night anything happened between us. A few nights later he texted asking if I’d come by. I turned him down because I was on my way to sleep. He told me I could just go sleep there, and nothing even has to happen, we could just sleep. I said no anyway… he then texted back saying “I just had…nevermind, I’m not someone to go out of your way for anyway”. I asked what he meant but he never, even to this day, told me what he was about to say. We kept seeing each other on and off. In the beginning it seemed he really liked me as more. He once texted me asking if I hate him now after not responding back too quickly to one of his texts. I explained I didn’t and that I’d just been busy. I grew feelings for him. Stupidly, I told him in not so many words but words saying that I did like him. He said he liked me only as a friend. I became a bitch. We stopped talking. Started talking again a few months later. This has been a pattern. The other night, he asked me to come by, after so many months of not speaking. I turned him down…. he kept asking, so finally I gave in. We did the deed. And then he cuddled with me in his arms and told me of how he had been at a strip club that night and kept telling the girls there with their boyfriends that they can do better and deserve better. He told me of how one of his friends girls who work there (not as a stripper) kept telling him off for lecturing them. I thought it was respectful that he thinks in that way. I didn’t say that, or much of anything. He then started patting me on the head and I asked what the hell he was doing..he said that’s his way of cuddling and that he’s not a cuddler, so I was about to get off of him and actually acted it out saying oh, I’ll move…and he pulled me back down onto him and then wrapped his arms around me. And then we fell asleep. Why do I feel he likes me as more and is just scared? Should I feel this way? He once told me of how his ex had gotten kind of physically abusive to him, he cut that story short (a while ago) and said he had to leave (while at my place). Maybe it has a lot to do with his last relationship, and how he can’t get close now?? Please, any advice is greatly appreciated.

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Friends with Benefits »

[19 Oct 2010 | No Comment | ]

So I’ve been involved with my FB – who is a friend of a close friend – for
around 8 months now. It started as a strictly FB situation but has gradually
become more confusing and is now at the stage where we see each other every
week and sometimes spend the night together without having sex. I have
feelings for him and it seems as though he does for me – he is very caring
and craves affection from me but completely shuts down at any suggestion of
even dating, let alone a relationship. If/when I mention or have attention
from other men he gets incredibly jealous and angry and he often tries to
make me jealous. If I go out without him he always tries to find out where
I’ve been, what I’ve been doing and if I still want him. He definitely has
emotional difficulties; he doesn’t like affection from other people and is
very closed. However, he often opens up to me about these issues and is
becoming increasingly more reliant on me in general; we still do things as
friends and text each other all the time etc. Every few months we both say
we should stop sleeping together and go back to being just friends but this
never happens; we either end up having sex or just sleeping together for the
night. I would like a relationship with this person as we get on very well,
are very close and are very comfortable with one another. However, there are
no boundaries anymore. He will often say we shouldn’t have sex anymore (and
go back to being friends) but when I agree he still call me and asks me to
stay the night with him which I find much more difficult to read than if we
were just having sex! (which we still do as well!). I am unsure how to
proceed now; I don’t want to scare him away again by bringing up dating/a
relationship but this situation is becoming very confusing to me – all the
time I’m involved in it it is stopping me from persuing other people. He
swings from being cocky about the situation and completely taking me for
granted and being really insecure that I don’t actually want him and will go
out with someone else. Am I completely wasting my time?

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General Advice »

[15 Oct 2010 | No Comment | ]

Hi Robby. its a previlege to be here on ya blog. Everytime i find my ideal
woman and try to get into a serious relationship they disappoint me but when
i give up and want to act de playboy things go smooth.the first woman i met
was my first love. we met in de secondary and dated through to High school
and University. She later moved to Germany and we kept contact for about 2
years. I later found out she was pregnant from another guy one week before
she gave birth, amazingly she kept communications till the day i found out
she was pregnant from an old school mate who had travelled to Germany too. I
met another lady and we started dating, She is a nurse. We dated for about 3
years then i moved to France. She later phoned me to say she was pregnant
with my baby. i took all responsibilities of the baby till she was 2 years
old. on baby’s second Birthday she confessed to me the baby was not
mine.It was such a shock and traumatizing period of my life. ever since i
became skeptical of women and relationships. i resolved to playing with them
or just using them. But honestly this is not want i want. I want to settle
down with an ideal woman. And make a proper beautiful and loving family. Can
u help me pls…

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Friends with Benefits »

[12 Oct 2010 | No Comment | ]

Hi Robby,

Thanks for all the great advice you have on here. I want you to know that
it’s very helpful to read from a guy’s point of view.

I’ve started grad school recently and it’s a very tight knit group and we’re
all very busy with work. Because of that, there’s much less occasion to get
out of the grad school class and socialize with the people outside of it.
One of my friends here and I started a FB relationship a couple weeks after
we got here. None of our friends know (and they still don’t). He had a
girlfriend at home at the time but now they are on a break.

The other thing is that he is one of my closest friends here, and we have a
great group of about 15 friends that hang out all the time together. A lot
of us hang out two by two so when he and I do, it’s not a big deal. He does
it with some of the other girls in the group too and we all joke about how
the “dates” go, with him and when other people hang out in twos. But I’m
pretty sure he’s not sleeping with anyone else because we’ve been spending
about 5 nights a week together, and the large group of us hangs out till the
wee hours of the morning anyway the other nights. He knows I hook up with
other guys, and he often jokes about it, asking how my dates went with other
guys and keeps telling me that this guy or that guy in grad school wants to
hook up with me.

For the most part, I think we’re just good friends who have sex with each
other. But when we’re alone, we cuddle, he kisses me on the forehead
sometimes, we went for a walk in the park the other day and he held my hand,
and he often holds my hand when we’re alone watching football or something.
I’m often the one that pulls away, and when we sleep together, he likes to
have me really close.

This past weekend we spent almost 48 hours straight together and it was a
lot of fun. I cooked for him one night, and we watched some sports, and at
the end of the weekend he told me he had a perfect weekend, which was sweet.
If not for the sex, I’d say this was a BFF type weekend, if not for
everything but the sex, it was a great FB weekend because we had a lot of
sex. My question is, what is going on? When we went into this, I had said I
didn’t want a relationship and I think he agrees. He has said to me and our
other friends that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now (which
is part of why he broke up with his gf) but the things we are doing seem
very blurry. I’m not the I need to talk and figure out what we were/where
this is going type of person so we haven’t mentioned it at all. I just want
to know what’s going on in his head. Thanks for listening! I really
appreciate it. I hope I’ll hear from you soon!

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Step Up Your Game »

[12 Oct 2010 | No Comment | ]

hey robby found your blog and i love it …i can totally understand your
advice and i feel it’s very accurate…so ok i was dating this guy and one
day he told me to call his cousin, he was drunk ..so i did and eventually the
cousin and i started to be friends behind my boyfriends back and he was
married. i met up with him on my birthday. My bf was in jail and we were
flirting like crazy and the next time we chilled we had sex..and at one
point when me and my bf broke up for 6 months, we started seeing each
other more. He told me he loved me and i did also and we even tried having a
baby together….but i got back with my bf and stopped calling him and that
left him heartbroken…so now we are both single and txt everyday all day
and see each other once a week for our fun..but im getting feelings for him
and he says why can’t we just let things happen naturally and see where
things go. He shows affection but now we barely speak about things that have
to do with us getting to know each other and after we have sex we chill for
a little bit but he takes me back home and when we are done i feel used like
that’s all he wanted…idk if hes acting this way becuase i hurt him before,
if he has feelings for me or not..whenever i truly need him he’s there for
me always and the other day he came to my house with his friend and he said
we had to kiss on the cheek…which is fine becuase my family doesn’t know
but i was shocked that he did it in front of his friend considering my
family was inside…but he also says he doesn’t want to share me with nobody
and that i should cover up my tattoo with his cousin’s name. He does little
stuff like when i said i was in the mood and that i would take care of it
he said what do u mean..so i told him i had a toy he said oo ok good so im
just getting all these mixed signals please help

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