Relationship Tips »

[7 Oct 2010 | 6 Comments | ]

Hi Robby, I would appreciate your advice on a dilemma i am experiencing. I
met my fuck buddy online almost 3 years ago in November 2007. Ever since
that time we have hardly gone long periods without seeing each other. The
longest we’ve spent apart is 6 weeks. At the time of meeting him, he had a
girlfriend and i lived in a different city 125 miles away. I never had
romantic feelings for him back then and i was not interested in a
long-distance relationship. I was able to separate sex (which was
fanstastic) from love. After about 3 months into our affair, his
relationship with his girlfriend ended and i continued to see him before he
got himself another girlfriend around 18 months later. I was devastated and
hurt as by that time i was emotionally attached to him. But because of my
feelings for him i continued to still see him rather than break up (big
mistake). Although i was technically “the other woman” i did not see myself
as such because i was there first! Anyway, his relationship with her only
lasted 6 months and it ended really badly. Again i was there, right
throughout and I continued to see him up to 8 months after his split from
her. But when he did not make me his girlfriend after his split from her, I
got angry and decided to put my foot down and end the relationship once and
for all. That was last month. I texted him saying he should not contact me
again as i am looking for a relationship and don’t want to waste my time on
him anymore, seeing as he is not interested in being with me properly after
all these years. He never responded to my text (which was rather strange as
he normally does respond whenever i attempt to break things off with him).
Then last week, i heard from his neighbour that he is now in prison (on
remand)! So this explains why he has not contacted me all this time! I
called his number and found it was continually switched off. I felt terrible
upon hearing the news and i immediately booked a prison visit, which is due
next week. But I haven’t figured out what i want to say to him, or whether
visiting him is even appropriate seeing as I broke it off with him in my
very last text message. I want to give him some emotional support in this
difficult time. I know him very well. Although we were never a couple, he
told me all about his life over the years and I know all his deepest
insecurities. Even his official girlfriends never knew as much about him as
i do. I know he must be missing me right now. But I want to know whether our
absence from each other and his time in prison has inspired in him a
different attitude towards me. Now that he is vulnerable in prison, has his
feelings for me intensified? Is it possible that he may have come to a
realisation that i am special to him and he does not want to lose me? Whilst
i am sure he’d be very happy to see me, is it possible that he’d be more
willing to commit to me now? On my visit, should i just concentrate on doing
my duty as a concerned friend (even though in fact i am in love with him)
and not bring up the commitment/”how do you feel about me” issue at all? or
should i explore whether he is now ready and willing to commit to me? Is
having the talk whilst he’s in prison a matter of “bad timing”? My instincts
is telling me I should just keep it light, support him emotionally and not
bring up any commitment issue until when he leaves prison. Then when he
leaves, just continue being his platonic friend UNTIL HE TRIES TO SLEEP WITH
ME. At which point I will then tell him that I am not not prepared to sleep
with him in the absence of a proper relationship. What do you think, Robby?

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Friends with Benefits »

[7 Oct 2010 | 2 Comments | ]

ok, i met this guy thru a friend of mine back in feb. pretty much been fuck
buddies ever since. In july i asked him if he really liked me as in
something more than just a good fuck. he said he did but didn’t want a
relationship that he liked being single. i told him that was fine that it
was the same for me. i just wanted to know where he stood. i then asked him
what he would call us. Friends with benefits(fuck buddy), just friends, or
fuck buddy that can one day be more. He said lets just call it friends that
never quite know what’s going to happen. i ask so pretty much a fuck buddy?
he said no.. friends that dont quite know what will happen. i didnt really
understand it but went along with it..shortly after me asking him that he
ended up moving in with me due to certain financial reasons a few weeks
later. I asked him if there was ever a chance of there ever being a “you and
me” he said maybe one day because he really enjoyed hanging out with me. I
left it at that and haven’t asked him anything else about it. i take him to
work and pick him up everyday we do a lot of things together. havnt had sex
in a few weeks not that i dont want to but it just hasnt came up he is kinda
a shy guy that doesn’t get out much or can communicate with women well but we
have a lot in-common and i like him a lot sometimes i get the impression
that he feels the same about me and other times i just dont know. this past
weekend him and 2 of his male friend went out. as well as i did but separate
from them. later they all met me at the bar i was at and we all hung out
played some pool drank some beers. me and his best friend went to listen to
the band that was playing and started dancing. later we all went to a after
party i introduced them all to some of my friends after awhile we all seemed
to go our own direction me and his BFF ended up dancing some more and then
started making out. I didn’t think anything of it because the guy i like has
really been showing any real interest in me. after the party we all came back
to my place and then decided to go to waffle house. He didnt want to go so me
and his BFF went. came back to my place, him and my other room mate were up
we all talked for a bit but me and his bff got tired so we went to my bed
and went to sleep. nothing happend between us till the next morning they both
had to go to work when they got back we all went back to bed. when we woke
back up me and his bff had sex. he left and came back over wanting us to go
out to eat with him the guy i like didnt feel like going (due to he was hung
over and feeling lazy) so me and his bff went out just the 2 of us. we got
to talking about a few things, got to know each other a little more since any
other time i was around him the guy i liked was there or his wife. (yes his
wife, but they are now getting a divorce, not because of me they have been
having problems for a long time but just now decided to get a divorce) so me
and him got to talking and he told me that the guy i like (his bff) got
jealous and a little offensive when we was dancing and making out the night
before. I asked what he said back to him he said that if i was his girl he
would back off he told him no that i wasn’t and never mind, and that was it.
It made me think that he really does like me since he got jealous but still
afraid to commit since he said i wasn’t his girl…. well after me and his
friend get done eating and talking we go out to a bar where some of my
friends were playing. We had some beers danced and later went back to his
place we had sex again and stayed the night there. The next morning came back
to my place he stayed for a bit we all hung out and talked about the show,
the bar, and the party and bull shiting around, he left… there hasn’t really
seemed to be any difference between the guy i like and i… and after
getting to know his best friend a little more im starting to like him a
little bit too. i just dont know what to do. one guy is in the middle of
getting a divorce, and the other dont really show that much intrist in me
other then a friend and sex once in a while… should i just be friends with
the both of them and thats it nothing more between either one. or friends
with the BFF and keep trying for the one that lives with me or stay friends
with the one that lives with me and see if the BFF shows anymore intrist in
me other then friendship and sex. he does show more of an intrist in me
then the guy that lives with me. What do you think i should do??? any kind
of advice will help me out a lot! im very confused right now. sorry for this
being so long as well… cant really ask a question about something with out
explaining the details. if ther is something else you need me to better
explain for you to give your best advice, just let me know.
Thanks!

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Hooking Up »

[1 Oct 2010 | 2 Comments | ]

Robby,

I met a guy while I was on vacation and we ended up getting drunk and having
sex on the night we met. Then we saw each other the next night, hung out
again, and ended the night with sex again. The sex was amazing. Afterward,
on both nights, we got dressed, he walked me to my room, and kissed me goodnight. The next morning was the end of my trip and I had to leave him. We
saw each other and had an incredibly cute good bye. I essentially tucked
him into his bed, but not before cuddling with him for a few minutes and
kissing him. He spewed a cheesy line of how, “it’s never good bye, only see
you later”. Before this he had asked if I was going to give him my number,
to which I was surprised. I had seen what we did as an “extended one night
stand” and didn’t think anything else would come of it. I reacted with a
shocked, “what do you want my number for?”–our homes are a 4 hour drive
away from each other and just didn’t see how it would work. He’s currently
in the army and deployed, we met during his 2 week leave. After asking for
my number, he said he’d get it later since we were already friends on
facebook and he wouldn’t have a phone for a few months anyway until he gets
back from deployment.

Now, it’s been a month since we met and had sex. We’ve talked on facebook
chat pretty regularly since parting ways. When we hung out again, after
having sex that first night, he told me that he didn’t regret doing what we
did and he mentioned something vague about even liking me if we had met back
home or something along those lines.

Anyway, at first, when we started talking on FB chat, it was great. He
would IM me and we just spent time talking and getting to know each other.
It was flirty and we discussed the sex. I told him I wouldn’t have done it
if I hadn’t been so drunk but that I didn’t regret it. He said I was making
him feel bad, like he raped me. I told him he shouldn’t feel that way.
This happened the first time we chatted. After that, we just talked and
continued getting to know each other for a week and a half.

Then, the IMing turned sexual. It started off innocently, with him saying
he wished I was there to tuck him in and ended up turning into full blown
cybering. It turns out that when he drives from base to home, my area is
pretty much the midway point of the drive. And he suggested stopping
through to “prove to me” that the sex we had wasn’t his best performance.
Later on, flat out saying, “we should fuck when i get back”. While the
prospect of more sex with him is tempting, it began becoming clear to me
that he only sought one thing from me, and that was sex. And how could I
blame him?

From the way he talks to me, I can tell he wants a fuck buddy relationship
with me. But I already see myself wanting more from him and it immediately
struck me as a bad idea. I already want more, so I know my feelings are
bound to be hurt. But he was so insistent about the topic of us seeing each
other when he got back, that I humored him. What started to piss me off
during this particular IM conversation was the way he kept professing how
sexy i was, that he likes my smile, my personality, my “everything”. He
said i was the only girl he fucked on his trip and that “it was hot
passionate sex” and that he thinks “it was incredible and our sex is
amazing” and that he wants me.

But this, I’m sure, was all part of the sell, him trying to convince me to
see him again. The conversation ended with him thinking I wanted to
continue having sex with him once he was back, but with me concerned that it
would be a bad idea.

I continued to talk to him over the next few days while reflecting on the
idea. In the meantime, he suggested we upgrade our IMing to skype-ing at
some point. I refused. He suggested that I cook for him once he was back,
to which I jokingly agreed.

Finally, after a few days of talking, I felt as though I should tell him I
didn’t think us having sex again would be a good idea. He wanted to know
why. So I told him I thought I’d start to feel bad about it if I kept doing
it. He said that that was my decision to make but that he didn’t feel bad
and that he didn’t think I was a whore or anything like that. I think I
offended him because I implied that he gives sex away. So he told me he
thought I saw sex the same way as him and then said he had to go and signed
off.

I felt like that had ended on a bad note. So I sent him a quick message to
say that I did see sex the way he did, that I agreed that two adults can
have sex if they want to. But that I feel like I like him more than he
likes me and just don’t want to get hurt. He replied that his intentions
aren’t to hurt me, that he thinks I’m cool, and hopes we can be friends. I
replied saying I know he’s not trying to hurt me but I feel I’d be hurt and
agreed that we should be friends. Then I decided we needed space from each
other for a couple days. I wanted him to process what I had told him. So I
didn’t appear on chat for the rest of the weekend.

After a couple days, I went online and he IMed me right away. He asked me
how I was and we went into a normal conversation from there. Then a week
goes by, we’re talking, and he mentions that he gets a lot of time to think
about everything, including “that cute chick [he] seen 3 weeks ago”. He
mentions that he still fantasizes about me. But that if it makes me feel
better, he doesn’t always just think of the sexual stuff. I say that that’s
b/c I’m just that awesome and he tells me i’m making him hard. Trying to
avoid another cyber session, I tell him that he’s doing it to himself and
that I thought he didn’t want to get worked up during the day since he had
to go to work soon. Then he suggested that I send him pictures of myself.
And when I began to refuse, he said that he’d make it worth my while when he
came home. Completely disregarding the conversation we had a week earlier!!
This was frustrating for me. I told him I don’t send naked pictures, that
we had already talked about sex again, and told him I had to sign off. For
this entire conversation, I did all I could do to keep the topic off sex,
but he kept insisting! Clearly, he sees me as nothing more than a sex
machine. This pretty much sealed the deal for me. Clearly, I’m an object
to him. I don’t want a guy i like to make me feel objectified the way he
has. And I’m THIS close to never talking to him again. I KNOW it’s what’s
best for me. But the moron in me, I guess, is still holding on to a shred
of hope that I can be more than that to him. Because I like him (everyone’s
ultimate downfall).

Just tell me I’m being stupid. I guess I want an outsider’s opinion. So
that I can move on from him without a hint of doubt.

But there’s certain things that make me think he really does like me. A lot
of the time when he talks to me, I feel like he just goes on and on about
his life and his situation. Which is fine. But I noticed he never asks me
about my life and that I rarely talk about myself when we talk. Well, there
was one time where he talked about himself for a lengthy amount of time but
then stopped and said, “Whatever though. Tell me something about you. I
wanna talk about you.” But it was just the one time out of the many times
we’ve talked. There’s things like that. Plus, he said we had amazing sex
and pretty much described me as the total package. I guess they were just
things he said b/c he wanted to get his way with me. But they’re also the
things that make me wonder.

What do you think, Robby? Could it be possible that he’s just super horny?
He did admit to me that he has a huge sex drive. But at the same time, even
though he only has super positive things to say about me, he never says
anything in regards to a commitment. To him, it’s all about the fucking.
He’s a good guy though. When I tell him I had a crappy week, he asks if I’m
ok and says I can talk to him if I need to. But then again, I feel like he
doesn’t have a genuine interest beyond having sex. What do you think?

Kay

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Relationship Tips »

[30 Sep 2010 | No Comment | ]

Hello-
I need advice. I have been chatting to a man for about a month and recently
we went on a date, he lives three hours away. Needless to say we found
ourselves very compatible and attracted to one another and we ended up
sleeping together. I felt a bit sad later, as I felt this may jepordize any
chance of a relationship. Well we still talk and text, and I am going to be
near his city for my job so we are going to meet for dinner. How should I
act on this date if I want to be his girlfriend, or one day something
serious? I think he is interested still, but I also think that it is crucial
to play this right.
Please help.

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Relationship Tips »

[27 Sep 2010 | One Comment | ]

Hi Robby,
Basically 2 years ago I met a lovely man. We started dating, seeing each
other once or twice a week. He’s a VERY busy guy, works 2 jobs, one of which
involves night shifts. I always accepted this as I’m a working mum and don’t
get much free time either. Everything was going ok but i noticed he started
to let me down sometimes and said he didn’t want full commitment as he had
broken up from a serious relationship only a few months before we met. I
accepted this as my life is just too busy for anything serious too. This
worked for a while but I still didn’t really know where i stood….the dates
stopped, we’d only see each other at our houses and it seemed to be just
sexual. I told him that i felt a bit used and after 5 months we split up. We
were apart (with no contact) for 3 months and then he got back in touch and
we fell back into the same old routine. This has happened again twice since
and it’s always him making the contact. He says he doesn’t want a relationship
BUT he questions what i’m doing, who i’m with and seems genuinely interested
in my life, kids, work etc. We are currently seeing each other but i’m being
distant. To me its just sex as i’m too scared to let my emotions get
involved again as it hurt too much before. Neither of us are seeing other
people, we both agreed that it would be unfair previously and don’t mention
it now. The only thing i’m struggling with is the fact he seems to want more
intimacy. It’s him that initiates cuddles, holding hands etc, and twice he’s
told me to look at him during sex (i just can’t ’cause if i do i know i’ll fall
for him again)
I just dont know whether its worth me trying to make it work with him or to
try to walk away again……but even if i do that i know he’ll get back in
touch again. I even started dating someone else and told him (earlier this
year) and after leaving us alone for a month he started randomly texting to
ask how i was!! I ended it with the new guy ’cause i knew i still have feelings
for this guy. I just sometimes feel like i’m flogging a dead horse. If i try
to play cool and not reply straight back to texts he keeps texting asking
what’s wrong and then gets moody and questions me!! But when i’ve told him
before that ‘i’m quitting cos you dont seem to want me’ he claims that he
does but is ‘useless’!!! HELP!

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Dating »

[24 Sep 2010 | 3 Comments | ]

hi Rob,
in a crazy dilemma now. i know this guy for ten years now and we sleep with
each other on and off but we have never dated or went on a date with each
other. The chemistry is madness when we do get together and we confided in
each other about our problems, life etc. Its been ten years, I had feelings
for him and he never told me what he felt except for the one time he said, ”
its interesting this relationship we have” and im like, “huh? what
relationship?” another time he stopped in the middle of sex to whisper “i
miss you” in my ear. he sent me mixed signals. at one period, he will call
me for no reason “just to wish me a happy holiday” he will drop messages
like ” hows your day?” he even talked about 15 years down the road. then
after that, he stopped and it went straight into plain texting me to meet up
for sex.
so, dear ROB, i got tired of this confusion and i decided to leave, for
good. i dropped the bomb on him one night thru text stating that i do not
wish to see him anymore. but I wish him well and everything. to my surprise ,
he stopped me. asked me why and when i said i dunno, he said, “if you dunno
don’t do it” i didnt reply and the very next day, he asked if i met
someone… i said “not at all” then he said “then please just stop saying
such things, just shut up” so when i mentioned that i felt like he was
making use of me, he got upset and said that he never did that and if that’s
how i felt, he will not even lay his hands on me anymore in the future but
that we should keep in touch and be on talking terms.. seriously, im like
“huh???!!!” its just too confusing.
i thought i was just a fuck to him , he sent me mixed signals, but when i
showed him the door, he refused to budge. right now, he is just angry and
upset. what the hell is going on in his head?

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Friends with Benefits »

[22 Sep 2010 | No Comment | ]

Hi there.
My best friend and I started sleeping together after he and I went through
really bad break ups. Everything was fine and dandy. We knew that we were
just fuck buddies. We kept our friendship separate from us having sex. We
have a very honest and open relationship. He and I made an agreement that we
would not sleep with anyone else while we were sleeping together. I admit
that I did sleep with other people while he and I were sleeping together,
but never told him. It is now 3 years later since we became fuck buddies and
things have become extremely confusing to me. Just recently I have started
getting feelings for him. He and I text every day. He tells me that I am the
perfect woman for him and he tells me that he loves me. He hasn’t told
anyone he loved them since his last serious relationship before he and I
started having sex. He also tells me that he is not with me just for the
sex. I finally told him that I had sex with other people while he
and I were sleeping together. He is now extremely jealous when I hang out
with other guys. Even though he knows how I feel about him and that I want
to be with him, he does not want to date me. I continue to go through this
battle of him acting like he wants to be with me, but won’t. I have stopped
having sex with him for a period of time because it hurts me so much, but we
just keep falling back into our old ways. We can’t stay away from each other
and we value the friendship that we have. What should I do?

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