Relationship Tips »

[21 Sep 2010 | 4 Comments | ]

When I met the girl who is now my girlfriend, she told me she hadn’t had a
boyfriend in 4 years.

It was kinda hard to believe because she’s very hot.

Turns out -while she didn’t have a boyfriend – she had had a series of
“casual relationships” or f buddies… one of whom she was still seeing when
we started going out.

I feel deceived that she omitted that part of her history.

And… I feel as though she was into those other guys more. She’d sleep with
them just for the thrill of it. But me – I have boyfriend responsibilities
– birthdays, valentines day, and so on. I think they had it a whole lot
better than me.

What do you think?


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Hooking Up »

[17 Sep 2010 | One Comment | ]

I met this guy 1 yr ago. We really seem to like each other, but, he has
never really asked me out. He only calls me when he has been out drinking.
I feel that the truth comes out when someone has been drinking. Anyways,
that’s really the only time he calls is when he has been drinking. Sometimes
he will text me back if I text him, but normally, he won’t answer.
When he calls me, he always tells me how much he really likes me and thinks
I’m a very nice person. He did tell me that he really does not want a long
term relationship right now. We have been together sexually twice and I
think that is all he really wants from me. I have really true deep feelings
for this guy, and I do think he knows that. I feel that he cares about me,
BUT, it doesn’t make at all sense to me why he only calls when he is drunk.
He could call anyone. He is 43 and soon to be 44. I don’t think he will
ever change. He has never been married, but, had a long term relationship
with a girl for 15 yrs and they lived together. I truly feel that he is
using me, but, on the other hand, I do feel that he has some kind of
feelings for me. I seriously think I may be wasting my time on him and I
feel I’m going to be crushed. Please help me with this situation. I really
care for this guy.

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Friends with Benefits »

[13 Sep 2010 | No Comment | ]

My next door neighbor was coming over to hang out sometimes, well I had went
out with my friends and got drunk and had a 4 some with some guys that I
met. I had felt really bad about it so I came home and told my room mate
about it. Well when my neighbor came over to chill for a lil while my room
mate brought that up. And then when he knew I did that he was interested in
talking to me. So he told me to go to his house one day and when I went
there we had sex. Then the last three days I have been on my period so I’ve
been giving him blow jobs. Well my room mate opened her mouth again and told
him that she thought I was starting to like him. And he texted me and told
me not to fall in love cause I would end up hurt. Well the truth is that I
really have started to like him. But yesterday he told me that he wanted to
fuck one more time and then call it quits. I really want something more with
him. But I feel like he doesn’t want that. But then I told him that I would
be going with my friend this weekend, the one I had the 4 some with, and he
told me I shouldn’t go. I don’t if that’s cause he doesn’t want me to fuck
someone else or if its cause he’s so much older than me. He’s 6 years older
than me. But I really want more than just to fuck with him. I don’t know
what to do please help me.

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Dating »

[11 Sep 2010 | 3 Comments | ]

Hello, I wonder if you can help me. I have been seeing a guy from my
workplace for around six months and it is a Friends-with-benefits thing.
Please forgive me for not using the words f*ck buddies!!!

Basically, I told him from the start that I had a boyfriend and he didn’t seem
too bothered by this (no surprise there then) but he asked me out and we
have been seeing each other ever since. At the beginning, every thing was
really good….he treated me like a queen and would always compliment me and
make me feel good. When I was distant one day, he told me that he hoped
that things weren’t over because he liked me alot. He would always email me
everyday and just generally be really sweet.

Anyway, as time has gone on, he has become alot more distant. I know that I
have a boyfriend, so I should’t moan, but he has changed. Just the other
day, he hadn’t emailed me at all and when I said that I wanted to chat to
him, he basically said that it has and that at least we could be civil to
each other. He didn’t even try to keep things as they were, he just said
that he was happy to “carry on” with me but if I didn’t want to then he
would be cool with it.

That really hurt and I know that I like him more than I want to. It`s
awkward because I work with him and I want things back to how they were.

I didn’t even like him in that way before and now I do…..can you please
advise me on how to get him to be interested again? Oh, and I am no longer
with my boyfriend.

Thanks alot.x

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Dating »

[9 Sep 2010 | No Comment | ]

Hi Robby,
I can relate to stories here and especially your responses are helping me to understand more. I have read a lot of relationship advice, and I have to say the more I read, the more I don’t know what to do. The main theme that comes across is deny your impluses and no contact. Well here goes. I met him online. He emailed over a year ago and I replied. He is younger. We were friendly online. We communicated through IM’s for over a month. I finally gave my phone/text #. He would text me sometimes 3 times a day. This started beginning July last year and were planning to meet beginning Sept. The week we were to meet, I didn’t answer his texts for 3 days (unconscious sabotage on my part). We were to meet on Sun, so I texted him and basically blasted him. He said he was planning on meeting, but transportation became a problem. Told me to date other guys, he wasn’t stopping me. I texted him a couple of times after that over 2 weeks, he never responded. This text relationship had turned somewhat sexually before this set up meeting. After about 3 weeks, one more attempt on my part which used the allure of sex, and he responded, fancy that! We started talking again. Sometime in Oct we met in person. It was due to me, not him, (sounds like chasing, I know). I had gone out on a date with someone else. There was no connection on my part, so it ended early. I texted him, It was a Sat about 9. I told him to lose friends, date, whoever, because I was coming to net him. He did. We drove to a favorite place of his. We made out in car for a little while, didn’t go far. I stopped it. Took him home in about 1 and half hours. He asked me to text when I got home. I did, no response from him. Tus got a single “hey”, not his usual text. I replied later in day, same kind of text. I heard nothing from him. I knew we had a connection, but now doubted whether he was still attracted. 2 weeks later, even at the risk of him thinking I was needy and/or insecure I asked if he was attracted to me. He went on and on about how much he was, no action. Never heard again from him for 3 months. I left him alone no texts. He sent me a very long email, titled long over due apology. Went on to explain he was so sorry for his behavior. He acted childish, got scared, said never opened up to a stranger like that, bs got scared and felt vulnerable. Said I probably hated him, this wasn’t like him didn’t even deserved forgivness. Didn’t know why he walked out on me, (drama).said would make up to me and so on. It was a Sat night about 10 at night. Begged me to answer email right then. I eventually did. This was in Jan this year. We discussed meeting. He had just gotten back on feet, and didn’t have the money to take me out in style. Around March, I had finally agreed to let him come over to watch a movie. The day of around 3pm he called with excuses couldn’t make had to cancel. I said I understood, ( I lied), I really didn’t. I sent a text saying undestood. He sent 2 days later one word text again. I told him what I really thought. Again dissappeared again for a month and half. Sent text saying how much he thought about me. Lost his phone, could have IM, but didn’t know how it would be received. He thought of what could have been and wanted no regrets. I didn’t answer. Next week messaged again, just hey beautful. I didn’t answer again. Then following week I responded. He was wonderful, he started calling on phone. Call me Fri and Sat after being with friends showed he cared. Was super attentive. I had gotten mad at him in the beginning, before he was so attentive. He started off not consistent, so one night when I hadn’t heard from him I said I was done. He snapped right around. We had some sexual text. About 3 weeks went by and I didn’t hear from him for 3 days, he lost another phone, but that week he used other ways to keep in touch. Used other phones left messages telling me he didn’t want me to think he was avoiding me, but had lost phone. The coming weekend we had phone sex on Sat night. Didn’t hear from him Sun, mon and then hear on tues. The messages this week felt obligatory, no 2 way communication. In his favor, I have to say his whole work schudule changed. He was working all nights. He left a phone message that fri night saying we had kept in touch nothing solid though. Also texted me twice on Sat. Early Sun morning I left a thinking of u text. Sunday about two afternoon, still no response from him and I could see he was on computer a lot that day, which was unusually. So, I wrote him that I didn’t like lack of comunucation. I didn’t here anything. Hours went by. So around 7 that night, the dam burst inside me and I opened the food gates. I didn’t call him a jerk or names, but I basically couldn’t understand how he could be so insincere, and much more. I said I didn’t care what he thought of me any more. That he must think that the sex is the real thing and I was glad I never did real thing, if this was a sign of how he would act, and on and on. Heard nothing of course. So mon evening I sent “no contact message” that said I was breaking up with him, (it seemed weird to say this, because what was I breaking up from). It continued (a generic message that was scripted) I felt uncomfortable and stupid for using those words), that the break was best for both of us, I would appreciate if he wouldn’t contact me right now, because I had some big decisions to make and needed time. Finally I said I would contact him when I am ready. 2 days later he responded. He was sorry if I didn’t think he was communicating enough with me, he couldn’t do anything about it and had been very busy at work. Then, this is the kicker and deja vu. He said I know you want to see other people, (I never said anything like that), go ahead, he wasn’t stopping me and he wasn’t ready for a relationship, with sad face at end. That is why I went way back to beginning of “relTiinshio” to show that words were almost identical. What gives? It had been about 2 months of no contact. Then Monday before last. He texted me on a Monday night late, that I am always on the back of his mind. The following sat I went on a date. Wasn’t great and when I got home I started comparing, so I broke down and sent a text with pics, (appropriate ones) “I am always in back of mind, ummm, not sure if that is a compliment, maybe (pics) these will bring me to the front of mind.” I am not sure if he got or not, because that was the first time I sent to this text number. Nothing since then on his or my part, no texts. What do I do? I said I would contact when ready. I want him to, not me. I want him to show he cares, but I hate no contact. Help, help, help. I know he probably doesn’t care like I do, but there must be something there for him or why bother answering anything at all?

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Relationship Tips »

[7 Sep 2010 | One Comment | ]

I’m crying my heart out, I dont even know why Im writing this, but it hurts
and I don’t know who to speak this with… recently I started seeing someone
which I stopped going out with last year, everything is going so far well
actually better than before for sure, we have gone out with (my) friends, he
has met (my) family (casually) after work everyday he comes home and sleeps
over, and in his days off after he has his hobby (Golf) time, we spent the
rest of the day together cooking and going out to the doggie park (yes he
bought me a dog) etc etc.

Now here is the thing! … recently the puppy got surgery (spayed) and it’s
been hell. We had to take her 2x to the vet this week alone. That’s not the
issue here but rather an annoying comment he said to me one particular
morning, he called me “dude” in a funny way (which I hate and talk about not
calling me so) and I replied to him “am I your f!@#ing buddy?! and he said
“Yes!” all dumb face as it sounds. I understand some people are not “morning
person” but please that doesn’t give way to be disrespectful. I meant it as
am I your buddy to be calling me dude? not as in F!@# buddy.

I felt like s#$t, somehow it made sense to me though it was a joke, we both
kind of went to our senses about what was said and how it was said, after
that I quietly cried on the vet’s office while he stayed in the car, laying
down on his seat.

I think I cried because for me it made sense the fact that 1. I haven’t met
his family (though he always talk about them, good things and bad, and had
mention he is not close with them) 2. I haven’t even met one friend of
his…(though I know he goes Golfing with a particular friend, that’s pretty
much it!) 3. He hasn’t brought me over to his house, actually his fathers
house (ok, he is chinese, but no one cannot be that old fashion) 4. Though I
know he works for a restaurant he hasn’t told me where does he work (though
he calls me from work and text me when the place is not too busy) after I
heard even if it was in a joking note saying yes to my remark of f@##ing
buddy it makes me wonder am I truly his f@#$ buddy afterall?!

I thought we were transitioning to GF and BF. As a matter of fact he has even
mentioned me as his GF before, and now he responds like this!? I want to
know, was this just a misinterpretation from my part?! or does it really
looks like I’m just his f@# buddy?

*When he left to work this morning though he seemed to be taken aback by my
reaction to the whole scene, he did give me a kiss and said later babe.

I understand sometimes relationships are harder than it looks and more
puzzling by the min!!! but help me please….I’m so confused! I’m about to ask
him for some time because I don’t want to disrespect myself as a woman,
mother and professional, I don’t want him to think I’m that kind of person and
if thats what he truly thinks of this relationship then how can I open such
conversation without jeopardizing our current status? …whatever that is.

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Hooking Up »

[6 Sep 2010 | No Comment | ]

Hey Robby,
Three years ago I slept with my first guy without being in a relationship
with him. I was totally innocent and stupid about guys, and thought I could
turn him into a BF by sleeping with him. We didn’t date, but in time (due to
my emotional attachment) we became FB, for 2 whole years. Sometimes he gave
me mixed signals, he was affectionate and all, but never tried to date me.
We did a lot of sexual stuff for the first time together and somehow saw
each other mature (we are in our early 20s), and I definitely got more
experienced, and had sex with other guys on the side – but have always
wanted this particular one as my BF.
He is now dating a girl who resembles me 90%, both physically and
personality-wise, and told me he is “in love”. He just doesn’t seem to see
how much I have grown as a woman, how well I can seduce guys and so on. I am
every bit as good as his current gf (or so all our common friends say), but
he seems to still see the little stupid virgin when he looks at me. I do
like him a lot and can’t accept the fact that my first guy turned out to be
such a waste of 2 years.
I am now trying to disappear from his life (which is tough because we both
go to the same small college and live in the same building), but can’t give
up the idea of dating him and showing him who I really am – outside the
bedroom. Is that possible, or do you think that he sees me as “once a whore,
always a whore”?

Thanks, love your site btw!

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