Dating »

[1 Sep 2010 | 11 Comments | ]

Hi Robby, I am in quite a confused state with how to handle the situation I
am in with a guy I have been seeing.
We had met months ago through a dating site and for reasons unknown to me he
just disappeared on me. I re-connected with him by email because I am the
type of girl who doesn’t like to leave things unsaid or unfinished. I put it
out there that I was willing to be friends and let bygones be bygones for
him disappearing on me. We met. And well, the friends thing didn’t
happen. It was like no time had passed. We agreed to start dating again and
this time started sleeping together. We hadn’t before because just about
when I had decided that I was ready to take it to that level he went and
disappeared on me.
Since we have started dating again we only communicate through texting and
at one point there was so much mis-communication between us that we were
spinning wheels about something – an argument of sorts. I got so fed up that
I ended up texting him that we should go for coffee or something to talk
because we were spinning wheels not solving anything through text and to let
me know when was good for him and I wasn’t going to text him until he
agreed to this. He texted back sometime later asking me why I was being so
quiet (as I had broken communication with him after the text I sent). I
re-sent the msg about meeting. Well, he put walls up and said “Forget it.
It’s not going to work” and “I keep expecting something extra from you
and I am still waiting”. He won’t explain what he means by something
extra when I ask. Maybe I am just not getting something he is trying to tell
me…but I can’t be that dense, can I?
Anyway, it has been three weeks since I have laid eyes on him…He doesn’t
seem so inclined to see me, but when I text him he responds which is
something because I half expect him to disappear on me.
I am not sure where his head is at let alone what he means by expecting
“something extra.” I am not sure if he is worth all this trouble, but I
don’t not want the opportunity to find out. Can you give me some feedback
on how to approach this and what he means by expecting “something extra”
from me? Thanks!!

Read the rest of this entry »

Relationship Tips »

[30 Aug 2010 | One Comment | ]

Hi, okay so hopefully you can help me out with this.. I can sort of relate with the past stories I’ve read here, but here’s the thing with me.. my ex-boyfriend is my fuck buddy. We only went out for like a month, but ever since we broke up we’ve still been seeing each other and we broke up like 4 years ago now…but it took us two years to start having sex. So it’s been two years that we’ve been fuck buddies.. and I’m confused to the max! because when we’re together, it’s like we’re still boyfriend/girlfriend but without the title. And there has been situations when he does get jealous if he finds out other guys want to start seeing me or have a thing for me… he never says anything… he just stays quiet and doesn’t really say much. And when we do have sex, it’s not just like we have sex and he leaves. Sometimes he does, but most of the times he stays and cuddles with me and it’s only been one time that he did sleep over, but that time I was home alone (I live with my sister) but I know that if I lived alone he’d spend the night more often. So yes he’s sweet to me and everything, but this is what throws me off: He only sees me to have sex.

Before, we did use to hang out like actually hang out at his house and watch movies together… or go to the park or movies..and this was after we broke up. But now, it’s been a while that he took me out like that.. and only sees me for sex, and I actually straight up told him one night how I felt about him just calling me up for sex… how I felt used by him, and the look on his face I could tell he felt bad, and he told me that he didn’t want me to feel that way and that he wanted to start seeing me more often.

And I told him that I didn’t want him to tell me that only because I had made him feel guilty or anything like that, and he said no, that he really does want to, not just because I said it, but that because he wanted to.

So a month past and I didn’t see him. He did call me through out the month but he said he was really busy and he couldn’t see me…. and I know i’m going to sound naive… but I actually do believe him cause he goes to a university and is working currently two jobs and on the side he makes mini movies and music videos for local upcoming artists… And also a while ago when he met my sister, he told her that he knows how I feel like maybe I don’t believe him about him being busy, but that he really does care about me and this and that. I do notice how he changed after I told him how I felt about being used… But I do believe actions speak louder than words. He only tells me he wants to see me… and that makes me believe that he cares… but he is STILL only seeing me for sex…..

He does call me and text me at times to see how I’m doing… but then again when we see each other it’s just booty calls. And well yesterday he actually told my best friend that she, him and I should hang out soon…. which is really weird because he never really hangs out with me and my friends together. It’s always just me and him… so idk if to take this as a good thing or a bad thing?? Because in a way yeah, it makes me smile that he actually told my best friend that the three of us should hang out… but then again, I feel like maybe this is his way of letting me know we’re just friends?? because just the fact that I haven’t seen him in a month, I feel like he should want to hang out just me and him….not hang out with my friends and I…. It’s just the fact that he hardly ever does that, it makes me scared a little cus I don’t know what that means. Maybe I over think things too much… But since I haven’t seen him since about a month now… I feel it’s just a little weird and out of the blue that he all of a sudden wants to include my friends. Help haha.

Read the rest of this entry »

Relationship Tips »

[28 Aug 2010 | One Comment | ]

Dear Robby

I hope you are well and remember me from my previous plee for help!

Well, after things ended with the previous guy, I went on holiday and when I
came back I met a lovely guy called Ryan on an online dating site. We had
spoken briefly in October last year, but he suddenly stopped talking to me
and I assumed he wasn’t interested. When we met up in May this year, he
explained it was because things had started up again with his ex-girlfriend
but that things were definitely over now.

The thing with this ex-gf is that they went out for 3 years and he loved her
a lot. They broke up because she’s very religious and traditional she was
afraid to tell her parents about him, because they would not approve of
him.

He told me when we first started going out in May that he only spoke to her
occasionally, to see how she was etc. Which I thought was fine because I am
friends with Ex-bfs.

We have now been together for just three months and he recently went on
holiday on the otherside of the world for 3 weeks. During this time we
texted every day and I missed him a lot. When he came back, we went on a
romantic weekend getaway. Everything was great until the second day when I
stupidly decided to read the texts on his phone. I feel so ashamed of what I
did, and I don’t know why I did it in the first place.

I found all these texts between him and his ex-gf… as recently as a few
days before our weekend break. Even after we had started our relationship he
was texting her to say he still loved her and missed her very much and
hadn’t forgotten his time with her. She is quite unresponsive in her texts,
but they have been caling each other a couple of times since him and i
started going out. In the last message, he had found out that she is now
engaged to be married to someone her parents have set her up with, and he
said it “hit him like a tonn of bricks all over again”. She said his text
made her heart flutter and that she wished him all best in the future.

My heart feels heavy and I am so sad. How could he have been with me so
openly (we have met each others friends, we go on dates, he tells me he’s so
glad to have met me) when all the while he is still in love with his ex, and
telling her so?

I really do like him, and the funny thing is I can actually feel myself
falling in love with him. However, after this episode, I don’t know whether
to let the issue go because the ex is getting married and he can’t have her, or
to bring it up with him because I couldn’t bare him just being with me
because he can’t be with her.

I hope you can help me Robby and provide me with some of your advice.

Awaiting patiently,

S****a

Read the rest of this entry »

Relationship Tips »

[27 Aug 2010 | No Comment | ]

So ive had a crush on this girl for a while. we recently started talking and
hanging out all the time. when i told her i was deffinetly interested in her
she said she was interested too just didn’t want to date at the time. Even
though she didnt want to date, we still took the relationship to the next
level. We cuddle, kiss and have sex. By now I really have feelings for her
(not because of the sex but we were friends before) she seems to like me
back, she does little things that one wouldn’t generally do in just a
strictly sexual relationship. It’s just a really confusing situation and I
could use a little help.

thanks.

Read the rest of this entry »

Friends with Benefits »

[23 Aug 2010 | 2 Comments | ]

Hi Robby,

I have been seeing this guy about a year and a half… prior to seeing him
the attraction and flirting has always been there for years.

Our agreement on our relationship was based only the physical. Like all FB
relationships … this became complicated. Him and I were both involved with
someone else at the time. He left his gf for a brief time
(according to him it was indirectly bcuz of me). During that separation
phase we discussed our attachment and affection for each other and agreed to
try to take it to the next step.. things started to look good … then he
returns back to his ex..now gf.

Here is where the advice is needed… he claims that he’s confused and
regrets going back and should have given it a try. I received so many mixed
signals and the hot & cold personality. I dont know what to do or what to
say. I want to believe him, in fact I do cause it seems sincere, but at the
same time I feel like im being played and fked with. He assures me that’s
not the case that he’s just confused and is afraid of making the wrong
decision. Says he has his reservations for going back and it’s based on
comfort. That even during initmate times with her … thinks of me or can’t
finish… The funny part is that he acts like he’s my bf the jealous, always
wanting to fix my problems and very affectionate and caring. I’m just so
confused and its hard to keep up with the changing mood.

The other twist is that he wants my ex completely out the pic and wants me
to stick around until he figures his stuff out. I’m okay with that as long
the sex is out of the picture.

What are your thoughts? Why the mix signals? Is he playing games?

Read the rest of this entry »

Relationship Tips »

[21 Aug 2010 | No Comment | ]

I met this guy on a dating site. We were texting and talking almost everyday,
within a few days he started saying that we should be together as in we
should be a couple, i thought it was BS of course. So finally after several
failed attempts we met late night so we couldn’t go anywhere. we talked for
a couple of hours and then all of a sudden he kissed me which I responded
to. The next few days were slightly different because he wasn’t texting nor
calling as much (which he never did to be honest) but I thought it would
become more frequent but well we met a second time (late night, AGAIN!!!)
same thing, that day he asked me again if I wanted to be with him, Now here
is the thing; if he knows or has a hint that I’m still going to have sex
with him, why would he keep asking me if I wanted to be with him? Anyway I
said yes and well the third time we did have sex, which was amazingly good,
he kept telling me how amazing I was and all sorts of stuff, he seemed very
pleased, he was really sweet with me afterwards and all but what bothers me
about him is that he doesn’t call nor text frequently, I mean is this normal?
or am i just spoiled if I’m expecting calls everyday (I’m sorry but I’m used
to that) another thing is that he is always working (so he says) so he’s
never available until late night, I’ve only called him a few times, but he
hardly ever answers. At this point I don’t know if I’m his FB or am I the
real thing? It most certaintlly doesn’t feel that way. We’ve never been on
an actual date, we’ve never gone anywhere because of his stupid schedule.
Now when we’ve talked about wanting to see each other for sex he doesn’t
necessarily show up. He keeps giving me these mixed messages. I’ve kinda
confronted him about us, like what’s going on and he just tells me that he’s
really busy but he does like to be with me and wants to be with me and he’s
going to make time for me. What should I do? Act and treat him as if he is
my FB (because that’s what it really feels like), should I talk to him again
or just cut him off???

Read the rest of this entry »

Dating »

[16 Aug 2010 | One Comment | ]

So I met this guy through a mutual friend one night at a local bar. After a
few drinks and some jokes back and forth he took my hand and led me outside
and started kissing me. We exchanged numbers that night and him and I would
talk or text everyday. About 2 weeks later he invites me to his friends
house, kisses me in front of his friends and later that night we have sex.
Then we somehow have plans to go out but they fall through and we begin
having sex on a weekly basis. Then out of nowhere 2 months later he texts me
saying that he can’t do this anymore and that it’s over. I say some hurtful
things and delete his number. About 2 weeks later he calls me at 2 am and
invites me over and we have sex. Basically, this continues on a weekly or
bi-weekly basis. Then the other night in the middle of sex he makes a comment
about something and I got mad and when he asked why I was upset, I told him
it was why my dad died. He grabbed me, kissed me and held me telling me that
if I ever need anything I should call him. No matter what. Then he tells me
I’m the only girl he wants to be with and then says don’t get serious on me,
okay? And I ask is this all it’s ever gonna be and he said I never said that and
I don’t know what the future holds, just don’t get serious on me… Then he
holds me all night, which NEVER happens. I’m so confused at what we are and
what this is… Any advice will help.

Read the rest of this entry »