Relationship Tips »

[13 Aug 2010 | No Comment | ]

So I have been with this girl for 5 years on and off and we were our first
everything. But last month we decided to go our seperate ways, but no matter
what happens between us both, we always end up getting back together, but
this time we have just strictly remain fb’s.. But I still have feelings for
her, and she does also, I feel like this situation is really sensitive
because if I start sweet talking she changes the conversation, and I don’t
want her to act awkward around me. Truth is, it’s hard hiding my emotions from
her, and I would like to know how I can gradually get her to come back and
eventually go back out with me. Again I want to tell you she loves me also,
she just seems scared of showing her emotions, and if she wanted to move on
she would have already done it with all the other guys that have been trying
to talk to her, but she calls me and talks to me everyday like if we’re still
going out minus the lovey dovey stuff… Can you please help me? I love her
so much, and people always tell me if it’s for love don’t ever quit, I just
don’t know who to come to.. Thank you for taking the time to read my message.

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Friends with Benefits »

[10 Aug 2010 | 2 Comments | ]

Hey Robby,
So I REALLY need your help, so I hope and it’s kind of a long story.
I’ve known thus guy for almost a year now, we were pretty chill friends
and on February 13th we started sleeping together but prior to that we
hooked up a couple times. But on actual Valentine’s day he did text or
call me but the next day he texted me and told me he didn’t say HAPPY
VALENTINES because he was busy doing homework. I already knew he was full of
it and I didn’t care because all I wanted to do was fuck him basically and
I also wanted to get back at him for sleeping with one of my really good
friends months prior when I liked him, so my plan was to sleep with him and
dump him.
Up until April, I was playing the game well, it was ONLY about the sex, but
then in early May I caught strep throat during finals week and he stayed in
my room the whole week to take care of me and even got sick with
me…here’s where the problems started, I started to have emotions for
him, and even when he forgot my birthday 2 weeks later and blamed me, I
liked him even more. In early July he went through this phase where he was
SUCH AN ASS to me and I actually broke it off, but then he wrote me this
really long letter saying how he had feelings for me.
Even though he was really mean to me and sent me into tears I decided to
start sleeping with him again, but my feelings for him turned extremely
cold, now we’re practically dating but without the title because he “has to
focus on school” but I recently heard from other friends he’s been
sleeping with other girls. But he tells me how much he REALLY likes me. So
now its early August and he’s starting to be an ASS again and I have NO
IDEA why, and quite frankly I don’t care, I’m so tired of going through
the ups and downs and the emotions with a person I DON’T want to sleep
with anymore, so my question is HOW DO I BREAK IT OFF WITH A FUCK BUDDY WHO
IS EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED.
P.S—I don’t even know if I can say emotionally attached because the
perfect name for him is Mr. Unavailable, I want to end the sex with him and
remain friends, for my sanity. I have no clue how it went from me Just
wanting to fuck him, to me wanting revenge, to me loving him, to me
disliking him, and then to me just wanting to get rid of him all in a matter
of 9 months. I’ll never bring emotions into a fuck buddy relationship
AGAIN!

Thanks Robby!

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Friends with Benefits »

[7 Aug 2010 | 5 Comments | ]

Hey Robby,

I found your articles about fuck buddies very informative!

I was recently in a fuck buddy relationship with a guy I picked up while
partying one night. I didn’t know him at all prior to this and we agreed
right from the start that it would only be a physical relationship.

Our hook-ups lasted about 5 months and during the last month and a half, he
started sending mixed signals. For example, he asked me if I would miss him
because he was going away on vacation. He also asked me why I was so cold
to him and why I had to be so “tough” around him.

I thought that you’re not suppose to talk about the emotional stuff with a
fuck buddy? I even told him bluntly that I didn’t care what he did as long
as he didn’t give me an STD.

Then last week, he told me he was going to come for sex one night but didn’t
end up coming, I don’t know if he’s playing hard to get or whatever. He had
always come every other time when he said he would.

I don’t know what his motives are for acting shady like this, if he’s trying
to hook me in so that I would want more from him or if he actually started
liking me.

Anyways, I was totally fine with our arrangement until he started playing
these games. Wtf is this guy doing?!

I would love a guy’s perspective (my girlfriends are not helpful, they keep
telling me he likes me now).

Thanks, I would really appreciate your advice.

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Friends with Benefits »

[6 Aug 2010 | 5 Comments | ]

Hi Robby!
I met this guy four months ago. We texted or chatted online daily. Went out
and dated a whole number of times, he even cooked for me. Always had a great
time, connected well. Took him ages to make first move – almost 2 months.
After first kiss, we went straight to bed, and it was amazing and sex has
been amazing ever since. However, we kinda stopped talking. It’s weird. It’s
like he’s got what he was after and he doesn’t try so hard anymore. We don’t
chat online for instance anymore. If he’s away, he’ll go for days at a time
without contacting me, then another day we’ll exchange a whole string of
SMS. We don’t make any plans together. He doesn’t seem genuinely interested
in finding out stuff about me. Never asks. He doesn’t get jealous or hides
it well. After going to bed together, I expected this to take the course of
a normal “loving relationship” but he’s keeping it very casual. We’ll still
do stuff together – we’ve even been camping for a weekend and it was great
fun, but it just lacks any show or expression of feeling and real affection.
I was taken aback by this. And tried to stop myself falling for him full on.
Thought I could, but its really difficult and confusing. I’m getting mixed
signals.
What is going on inside this guy’s head? He had a bad break-up some months
back, perhaps he doesn’t want to get emotionally involved and hurt.
I’m trying to play it cool. The chemistry is great, sex is fantastic, but I
want so much more.

Do you have any advice for me? I fear telling him outright would make him
run. Playing it distant might make him think I’m Ok with it, which I’m not.
Maybe I could try keep us out of bed and doing more normal couple stuff
together..?

I think the guy
is playing with me. Testing to see what I will put up with. I want to turn
the game around, I want to be the one in control. How do I get his
attention? Make him crazy for me? It’s not entirely a f-buddy arrangement – he
introduces me to friends, gave me a present, we hold hands in public. But he
can go for days at a time without contact. Never voices his feelings (if he
has any).

Many thanks in advance!
Your blog is really useful. Thanks for sharing your wisdom 🙂

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Step Up Your Game »

[4 Aug 2010 | 2 Comments | ]

Hi Robby,

So I’ve spent the last few weeks trawling your website. It’s like an
addiction, I just keep reading! I could really use some of your awesome male
insight right about now.

I am currently fuck-buddying with a friend. I called it off once already
because I thought I was developing feelings and wanted to distance myself,
which made me able to think more objectively about it. I felt a bit like the
friendship had changed, and I was missing the easy way we used to talk. It
was probably largely one sided, but essentially I felt like I was having to
put in too much effort to keep the sex and the friendship separated. I had
to be careful that the things I said weren’t being misinterpreted. There
were these new boundaries on our friendship, and what might once have been
an offhand funny comment was now, in my mind, shadowed by the sex. Once I
realised that this was only a problem because I made it one, I had this kind
of “ohhhhh, okay” moment. The friendship HAS changed, but you know, I’m kind
of okay with that. I did, however, miss the sex. More than I missed the
friendship.

We went back to being “just friends”, but we talked less. I thought more
about the sex than I did about the friendship. Anyway, not too long after
I’d told him that I didn’t want to continue the arrangement, he came to me
and said he really missed the sex. With my new perspective, I jumped at the
opportunity to resume our fuck buddying. Then he told me he liked me, and I
admitted that I kinda liked him too, but both of us disclaiming any desire
for a relationship.

Now this situation is working out just fine, though one thing that irks me a
bit is that we’ll agree to meet up, and I’ll get all hot and bothered, and
then he’ll flake out on me at the last minute. I realise that the FB
arrangement frees people from commitment and any sort of obligation, which I
LOVE about it, but am I being unreasonable in expecting him to be courteous?
When he bails like an hour AFTER he’s said he’ll come over, I find myself
irritated, horny and often unable to make alternative arrangements. I dunno,
it doesn’t bother me that much, I’m just an attention whore who likes to
think of herself as irresistible to the guys she’s fucking. It’s a blow to
the ego when the option is there and it’s not jumped at!

But then when he does manage to come over, we have amazingly incredible sex.
I know he definitely enjoys our arrangement… I guess I’m curious as to why
it doesn’t happen more often.

I’m not desperate, so I’m happy to let him call the shots. I’m a pretty laid
back girl; low maintenance, roll-with-the-punches and I’m not fussed at all
if we go weeks without speaking. I’m a busy girl, I have a pretty full life,
a lot of friends and am usually basking in the attention of a couple of
guys, so it’s not like I’m starved for options or putting all my eggs into
one basket. I don’t really initiate contact and it really isn’t like I
bother him a lot. He does most of the initiation, with the occasional
starter from me so that I’m not accused of not putting in any effort. Plus,
it’s nice to feel desired, so I like to remind him that I do want him every
now and then.

I’m confused because sometimes his actions say that he finds me irresistible
and that he wants me soooo badly. Then other times his actions suggest that
he’s not really fussed if we fuck or not. In real time, when he’s right
there in front of me, it’s passionate and intimate and I know exactly how to
drive him wild. Having said that, he is on top of his game and has plenty of
other booty options, and I know that sometimes you feel like chocolate and
sometimes you feel like vanilla. So tell me, Robby G, how do I go about
getting a bit more action from this guy? I’m not down for exclusivity, or
anything that even slightly resembles a relationship, I just want to be
cream of the crop, so to speak. Egotistical? Totally. But I make no secret
of this.

I know this has been a stupidly long email, but I’d really appreciate a male
perspective. I am not really able to talk to anybody I know about it,
because that would be breaking our code of silence that we have going on,
and we have a lot of mutual friends. Please help!

Love, Rachel

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Friends with Benefits »

[1 Aug 2010 | 13 Comments | ]

Dear Robby

I hope this get through to you. I am Asian, so pardon my english if it
doesn’t sound right.

Here goes my story. Me and a co-worker started off as FBs. We would hook up for a few times a
week initially, sex was good and it goes on for about a month.

A little about this girl, she is very cold on the outside, and doesn’t show
her emotions easily. She loses interest in guys easily. But at times she does go for a one night
stand. That’s what she told me about her past. She loves sex.

So we started off the FBs relation, and it was all good.
Till i think i didn’t control my emotions and i guess i fall for her.

I made it known to her that i like her, but she reinforce that it’s only sex.
And i am not her type. It’s quite hurting with her comments but it’s
expected.

We still continue the sex, but it gets less and less. And my feelings for
her grew stronger and stronger.

I will keep thinking of what she is doing, if she is with some other guys,
if she is sleeping with any other guys.
I will text her, but either she go cold with the reply. One or Two words
answer.
Or she will not reply at all.
It’s very miserable for me.

One day, she told me we should stop this. And I didn’t agree. But she
insisted. And she was very cold and mean to me after that. We didn’t really
talk a lot in the office and she will be very mean to me when we talk.
I still msg her and care for her. But she didn’t bother much about me.
This goes on for about a month, and suddenly one day, she told me she was
pregnant.
I went through the abortion with her, pay for it. And care for her as what i
should.

After the abortion, we grew closer, and we resume the FB relation.
She confess to me that she actually start to like me a little, but really
not enough for me to be her boyfriend.
We will hang out more often, go home together, or hook up in my house or
hotel sometimes.
We hang out during weekends too. And talk in the car for hours whenever i
send her home.
I am so happy that things have suddenly changed and she is so nice to me like
my girlfriend.
She will text me with caring messages and will tell me she misses me and
miss my cuddle and stuff.

I am immersing in this. and i really cannot believe whats happening. I took
her for my girlfriend. We were each other’s priority.

Then suddenly for no apparent reasons, after about 1 month, she go cold with
me, and tell me we should stop this. It’s not right. She stop texting me,
rejected my dates to go out. And keep going out with friends. Not replying my
messages.
She doesnt like me “that way”.
I can’t say much no matter how hurt i was.

And for some reason, i have to leave the company, and i hate the fact that
i cannot see her anymore.

Now its about 2 weeks that it happen. I am so emotionally hurt. I can’t see
her anymore and things just ended.

I text her constantly asking her stupid stuff.
But all her reply is either one word reply or she will not even reply.
She rejected all my dates to go out.

One saturday, i sent her a text, telling her how much i missed her, and
the times we had, our roller coaster relationship.
But i have to agree that things must end and it’s best to do it.

Today, she ask me to meet her for supper for some work related issues she
wants to ask me.

Please help me on this, i really miss her. Is there anything i can do to turn
this around.
Sorry if its long.

Keith

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Relationship Tips »

[31 Jul 2010 | 3 Comments | ]

Basically a guy i was friends with 7 years ago (making me 14) randomly
droppped round my house on the off chance we still lived there! i instantly
remebered how much id liked him when we were kids and he gave me his number
saying we must catch up! i text him later that day saying how good it was to
see him and not to be a stranger! He then text back asking me to go out with
him for dinner! I agreed and we kept texting, just about what we were up to.
The meal went really well and we got on so well he kept saying how gorgeous
and funny and clever i was and how proud he was of me going to uni! Then we
kissed and one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together! We
carried on texting and he said how much he’d enjoyed our meal. He asked to
go round his place about 4 days later to test his bed. We watched a film and he was
very affectionate and complementary. Then after that the texts became fewer
and it took him longer to reply. I will say however he works a lot he
gets up at 4am and doesn’t usually get home till 8pm. Then asked me if I
wanted to meet up on the Saturday so i said yes then on the Saturday he text to say
he’d been asked to work and couldn’t really say no coz the money was good but
he was really sorry and would make it up to me. The following week the texts
were still few but i refused to be the one to always text first so often
left it up to him to contact or ring me. Then i saw him on Saturday and he was hungover
and a bit quiet…he looked shattered to be honest. we went out and got
chinese, watched a film and had sex. I’d assumed he was gonna stay but to my
suprise at half 11 he said he had to go coz he’d promised his housemate he’d
help him do stuff on the house and had to be up a 6 to go to the builders
merchants so i tried to get him to stay without sounding needy but he left
saying he’d text when he got home. I never got a text and when i woke up still
no text so I text him which I wasnt sure whether to do just jokingly saying
hope ur not dead in a ditch ha ha and he kinda brushed over it and said
getting up at 6 was horrible on his day off but he enjoyed last night. I
like him but really dont want to become his fb. I dont know what to do. Am i
risking falling into it or is this just normal bloke stuff? im not used to
this whole dating thing as i was with my last bf for 2 years!

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