Step Up Your Game »

[10 May 2010 | One Comment | ]

Hey Robby, lovin your site. I’m having a problem really similar to the girl
who asked about “Taking it Beyond the Random Hook-Up“.

I met this guy at the club back in November. He came up to me and came on
pretty strong. At the time, I didn’t think he was really exceptionally hot,
but I gave him my number. He stayed the night one night but he didn’t get
anything from me. He would text me alot to see if I was going out at night.
He seemed kind of like a player who probably asked alot of people to see
what was up for the night. One night when I did actually go out, he hadn’t
answered my text, and I saw him all over this girl.

I pretty much got the idea of what kinda dude he was and didn’t try and talk
to him anymore. This past couple of months, he’s started texting me alot
again. Like every day, he would hit me up to see what’s up. We’ve started
having sleep overs a few times a week. At first, it was just alot of sweet
cuddling and going to sleep, but my attraction to him has grown and we’ve
started hooking up.

I’ve come to realize that I’m feeling him alot more than I expected to. I
didn’t really think about the consequences when I started getting physical
with him. Now I’m really confused because I feel like I’m getting some
mixed signals and I’m not sure where his head is at with this situation. I
would like to get to know him better; he’s really intrigued me but he’s
pretty mysterious. I’m kind of emotionally shy myself and I’ll only open up
to someone if I’m feeling the signs that it’s safe. Our times together
aren’t exactly overflowing with conversation. I actually feel awkward
around him sometimes, which is weird to me.

He still texts me every night, to the effect that I’m pretty sure he’s not
fucking around with any other girl. I’ve told him that he’s the only one as
well. He cuddles so good, and even after sex, he’ll like to make out and
hold me. He even gave me an eskimo kiss once (haha so cute but wtf does he
want!). He has gotten uncomfortable/even jealous when there have been
other guys around me.

However, I’m apt to think we’re just doing the fuckbuddy thing because he
only texts me late night, and we don’t ever hang out outside of the bedroom.
I’ve tried to kind of leave things open for him to ask me to do something
directly, but it hasn’t happened. So when I see him out coincidentally,
it’s awkward to me.

The other night, he came home with me and we were both kind of drunk. He
was lookin at my phone and saw some texts to my best guy friend that said I
missed him cause he’s out of town. He was like ‘wtf really? I thought you
said I was the only one you were fuckin with’. I said “you are…
physically..?” and he looked kinda hurt. Then he popped “So what ARE
we/what are you feelin” question. Let me just tell you, I’m the type of
girl who is used to having the guys let ME know what’s up and I’m SO
uncomfortable with putting myself out there emotionally. I was pretty drunk
and I now wish I could have the conversation over again. I think I pretty
much told him that I dove into this situation without thinking much and
ended up catching feelings I didn’t expect and I’m not used to that. I said
that I was trying to see it for what it seemed to be and not get overly
involved? Plus, he’s leaving for the summer in a month. I asked him what
he thought, and all he said was “I understand” and we went to sleep. Uhh
wtf.

Anyway, I know this is long and I apologize. It’s just been in my head so
much since I can’t talk it out with him. I feel like my drunken explanation
didn’t come out the way I really wanted it to, and he might be backing off
now. I would love to get to know him better. I really don’t think I can
keep doing what we’ve been doing because it’s just fucking with my head too
much. What do you think he’s thinking, and how should I take it from
here??

Thanks so much.

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Relationship Tips »

[7 May 2010 | 4 Comments | ]

Hey Robby,
Sorry for the length of this, but I feel the background is
necessary. So I met this girl online about 6 months ago. We talked online
for a few weeks, and she finally asked to meet, just after Halloween. I go
meet her at a bar, and things escalate very quickly. We end up at my place,
and she immediately goes for the shower.

She comes out, and tries to get down to business pretty much right away. I
ended up turning her down, saying “I’m not that type of guy”. That seemed to
genuinely affect her (positively). The next weekend, we hung out again at a
drive-in movie, and things got hot and heavy again. I let her get a little
farther, but we didn’t go all the way.

From this point on, she became very flakey and strange, sending weird txts,
but never calling. I tried to initiate a couple of times, but basically I
decided to move on, as I assumed she had.

Cut to 2 weeks ago. I hadn’t seen or heard from her in months. I txted her
out of the blue basically asking what happened between us, in her opinion.
She said that she thought distance would be a problem (we live 40 mins
apart). I basically told her I thought she didn’t give it a chance, and that
I was still attracted to her. She said she had no idea how I felt, and that
we should get together again.

We did, about 4 days ago. And it was great, conversation was natural, we had
a great time, and I finally gave in and went all the way with her. Now I
don’t know where to take it, because I feel like she’s gotten what she
initially wanted from me, and that she is going to use the distance excuse
again to keep from seeing me.

My question is: she seems like the type who uses guys for sex. Every time we
have gotten physical, there was some level of alcohol involved. She is very
headstrong and proud of her assets. I am definitely attracted to her, but
won’t let myself be used as a sex object. What should I do? Should I
ultimatum her? Should I keep seeing her? Is there any way a healthy
relationship could develop from here? Let me know your thoughts. Thanks!

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Relationship Tips »

[4 May 2010 | One Comment | ]

Hi, I’m 20 years old and I’ve been dating a 35-year-old man for a few weeks
now. We are very attracted to each other and all the physical contact has
always been extremely tender and meaningful, but we decided to take things
slow, so for a few months we didn’t speak about having a serious
relationship till a couple of weeks ago. Everything seems right and
strangely perfect, but I keep worrying over the age difference. When we talk
about it, we admit we hardly notice it, but I’m afraid he thinks I’m
emotionally immature for him. (Even though he doesn’t say so, it’s obvious
that our emotional matureness is radically different…) Why begin a
relationship with someone so much older? Perhaps as time passes we’ll
discover we want different things…?

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Step Up Your Game »

[3 May 2010 | No Comment | ]

hello, i have a problem. I met this guy on a dating website, we met for 2
dates then we decided to just stay friend and still have a sexual
relationship because he wasnt ready for a relationship. Since then we have
had sex every now and then, but even after this he takes me out cinema and
to eat, i think I’m starting to like him more and more as i get to know him
better.. i recently had a new guy wanting to meet me and exchanged some
pics,.. I must have forgotten to delete this message and when i was with him
he checked my phone. He saw the message and asked me who he was and if i was
having sex with him. I said he was just a guy and sent him pics because I was
bored. He then started acting weird and that night he was very distant when
having sex and came quite quick…he usually takes much longer. Next day I
decided to send him a text clearing things up about the guy. He replied
saying that he wasn’t sure it was a good idea to keep having sex since we
have started working together on a networking website. I asked him if he
wanted to stop this but he keeps saying he’s not sure.. Bidaway hes 30 and I’m
19. i dont know how he feels and what he wants..and even though I act like I
dont care i really do. Please give me some advice. Thank you so much.

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Step Up Your Game »

[2 May 2010 | One Comment | ]

I’ve been hooking up with this guy here and there but nothing too serious. It
usually happens when we are drunk. We randomly hang out, but we’re usually
not alone. He will randomly text me and I’ll randomly text him. But I’ve come
to realize i like him more than just hooking up, and i wanna hang out with
him alone. But he clearly doesnt want to or else he would ask me to, right?
And i wanna tell him i like him but im to scared its just about hooking up
for him, and i dont wanna feel like an idiot or mess up the some what
friendship we have. Ughh help!

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General Advice »

[1 May 2010 | 8 Comments | ]

Robby,

I’m new to being a fuck buddy so I need your advice.

I met a married man – I’m married also – with whom I have NSA, FB sex. His
schedule is much busier than mine, so I told him to just call whenever he
had time to get together.

He lives about 40 miles from me and I go to him because he doesn’t have time
to travel.
I’ve seen him a couple of times and would like to see him again. I at least
understand that there are no set time limits – could be a week, could be 6
months, but I’m wondering… in your experience, do you think he’ll be back?
I do, but I’m not a man and I’ve never done this before. He gets free sex
whenever he calls and I come to him. I think he should pinch himself to make
sure he’s awake!

So I guess if I had to boil it down to a question, it would be: I know I may
never hear from him again, but just because a long time goes by doesn’t mean
I won’t, yes?

Thanks, Liz

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Relationship Tips »

[28 Apr 2010 | No Comment | ]

So I met this guy a few months ago and we hit it off really well, and began sleeping together. The night I met him he was very drunk, but mentioned to me that he was always on the look out for a relationship, (but again he was drunk). As time went by and we started seeing each other on a more regular basis he would sometimes look at me after sex and tell me that I couldn’t get too used to this because with his job he could end up leaving town at “the drop of a hat”. I suppose its the typical story of the two fuck-buddies where one begins to fall for the other. It has become quite a problem for me and the sex is incredible, absolutely, and nothing replaces it but the problem is I can’t figure him out. I’ve asked him before if we’re “close friends” or “fuck buddies”, because he knows that I have a no bull-shit policy and when I ask something like that its not the usual thing where if he answers honestly I’ll be hurt, I wouldn’t. The problem is he couldn’t answer that question and instead changed the subject. I know we’re friends and we’ve become better friends as the time has gone by but it’s confusing because there are periods of time where I will see him frequently and then periods where I see him quite infrequently…(I still can’t determine if this is entirely because of our clashing work schedules or not). Well to make matters even more frustrating we’ve started talking to each other before we go to sleep more often on days we don’t see each other. On one of those days I told him how I felt about him, I’ve done this before, and that I would be interested in a relationship. He is a very articulate man, but he seemed at a loss for words in answering why we weren’t in a relationship. It was something about how he knows he should be getting serious, he’s watching all of his friend’s getting married (some even having children now), and his parents pressuring him to do the same but he just doesn’t feel ready, (which is also confusing because he was engaged at one point but they broke it off because he moved far away for a dream job). To my knowledge he’s moved on since then. Then he said that there are few people he likes seeing in large doses (I know this to be true, him and my roommate are best friends and they are ALWAYS together and he doesn’t hang out with many other people, really), but I, like my roommate, am one of the few exceptions and simply to think of each other as close friends and just having “fun” for now. The next day he took me out to dinner, and we hung out for a bit and didn’t sleep together (of his own accord, certainly not mine). I didn’t see him for about a week after that, even though we talked briefly in between. I apologize this is becoming a long story but then…we hung out, went out for a bit and then went back to his place and just watched TV until about 5 am. We didn’t do anything but he still kissed me good-bye as he often does (although typically it’s because we’ve just had sex, whereas this time we didn’t). I don’t understand his actions at all. Does it appear that he’s interested but trying not to hurt me? Is he trying to be sweet so I don’t catch on that he’s using me? What is this sort of behavior? I can’t comprehend it at all.

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