Hi Bobby, firstly can I say I really enjoy reading your site. Your advice is
honest and well written, so I hope you can shed some light on my situation.
I met a guy in early January through an online dating site and after
speaking for a while we went on a date. As the date ended, we both wanted
to spend more time together, but as all the bars were closing, we decided to
go to his flat to watch a movie. We ended up making out and he asked me to
stay the night, which I did. I did not sleep with him, although he did ask.
We texted a little following the first night, and arranged to meet at his
flat the following week before I went on holiday for two weeks. Again, I
stayed round but did not sleep with him.
When I was at holiday we texted and kept in contact, and when I returned I
tried to arrange for us to go on a date. He replied saying he was very sorry
but busy at work (he is a paramedic that works long hours and throughout the
weekends). I was disappointed and later that day asked him whether he
wanted to keep in contact and meet up when he was free, and he said that he
had started seeing someone else and it would therefore be inappropriate to
keep seeing me. He said he was sorry if I felt he had led me on but that he
wanted to remain friends.
I was disappointed, but wasn’t emotionally invested enough not to want to
be his friend. We kept in contact, and one night we were texting and he said
it hadn’t worked out with the other girl he was seeing. He asked if I wanted
to drop by his flat as it would be easier than texting. I went over and we
ended up sleeping together.
We saw each other every week/every other week for the next 6 weeks or so.
Each time he would come to mine or I would go to his, we’d cook dinner,
watch a movie and he’d stay round. Typical FB behaviour right? In between
our nights together we were also speaking to each other every day via
Instant Messenger or text.
As we are both online daters, we are both dating other people. We are
however not sleeping with other people. He has told me he is looking for a
Last week, I was having some drinks with work friends & my best friend and
he said he would like to come along. He got on very well with my best friend
and made an effort to speak to my colleagues. He stayed til the very end,
even if he later admited he was a bit bored.
As the time has passed, I have begun to realise that in an attempt to not
get emotionally involved with him, I have been supressing my feelings and
hence what I really want. I spoke to him today and he said he had a date on
Monday, and it actually made my heart hurt a little. This is when I knew
that perhaps this arrangement is no longer suitable for me.
I want him to know how I feel, and also try understand what he wants from
me. But at the same time I don’t want to scare him with an ultimatum, as I
don’t think that would go down well!
I told him I would like to see him on Monday for a chat – so I am really
hoping you can give me some (urgent!) advice on how to approach the subject
Thank you for your time