Hi, i’ve been having a casual relationship with this guy who is 12 years younger
than me for about 6 months. Its also long distance so i have only been seeing
him about twice a month.He lives in my hometown in Wiltshire, so I go there
often to see family.
I did not tell him my age for fear of putting him off and I look alot younger
than i am (45). I fell for him as soon as our eyes met and he was very keen too.
I was happy because i had not been out or slept with anyone for 3 years mainly
due to being diagnosed with breast cancer and going through treatment and my
self – esteem was very low.
Anyway we chatted and went out the following night for a drink and stupidly
ended up having sex (it had been a long time!)He seemed to like me though and
said he would call. I then made another stupid mistake and texted him the next
morning asking if he got home ok as he had to walk quite far and was worried –
he did reply and said he would call me. I then returned to London.
I did not hear anything from him but bumped into him when i returned to
Wiltshire 2 weeks later in the local pub. He said hi, looked a bit nervous and
walked out. I then sent him a text to ask why he was giving me the cold shoulder
and he replied saying he wasn’t but was just shy. So l replied saying do you
fancy a beer and he said yes, so arranged to meet. Guess what?? he didn’t turn
up!!I saw him later that evening and he was very wasted in the pub. So i decided
not to bother with him but was still a bit hurt as i was so attracted to him.
I saw him a month later in the pub again and didn’t really speak but later on
that night he rang me to see what i was doing – so i ended up going back to his
house and having an extremely passionate 9 hours. He knocked me for 6 as i
couldn’t believe how amazing it was and never had experienced it before. He also
said that he couldn’t believe I was in his room.
But at the end there was no chat or cuddles and i suddenly felt really uneasy
and cheap – so l left and he said he would call me later that day so we could go
out that night. He didn’t!
Since then i have been returning home every 2 weeks mainly to see him as I’m
addicted to the passion. He only texts me when he wants sex and i foolishly gave
in thinking i could handle what was obviously a fuck buddy thing.
He has opened up with me quite a bit and admitted he is a drug dealer with a
serious coke/ketamine habit and doesn’t understand why someone like me would
want to be with him. He is very ashamed of himself and I feel sorry for him but
he doesn’t ever want to know anything about me. He has showed some signs that he
cares eg. he made a playlist on my ipod one night which was mainly love songs and
took me to meet his friends. He also asked me last time i was with him what was
going on with us, so i said l really liked him and would like us to get to know
each other better and maybe go out sometimes- thats all- he then went on to tell
me all his problems but never said how he felt about me.
l know that there is no future with him because of his problems but l wished
there could be. Last time l was down he completely ignored my texts saying i was
there and have heard nothing for 2 weeks. This will sound crazy but i’m madly in
love with him and i don’t know why as he shows me no respect but l’m heartbroken
and severely depressed now – wished to god i’d never met him. I just want to know
why he’s suddenly started ignoring me. I did get the feeling that there was
something there and his friends say he’s a lovely guy with a heart of gold so
i’m really confused. He is completely wasted just about every day and i don’t
think he knows what hes doing and l also think I’ve really lost the plot feeling
like this about some one who’s a dealer and a serious junky.
I just want some answers as to why he’s suddenly lost interest so l can move on.