General Advice »

[10 Feb 2012 | One Comment | ]

I remember asking myself a simple question recently that led to a vast variety of answers appearing in my mind that didn’t really answer the question. I left it for further contemplation and decided to sleep on it. Morning after I couldn’t remember a single word from the question as I was completely wasted the night before. This unfortunate reality made me kind of upset yet at the same time kind of happy. Happiness coming through due to the fact that I realized, that stupid shit crosses my mind much more often when I’m intoxicated than (NOT then) when I’m sober.

So I’ve decided to do a little experiment tonight. Do all the writing AND more importantly thinking, whilst completely drunk.

I’m not really certain as to what to expect since I’ve been disappointingly surprisingly happy and cheery lately, but I’m sure something will turn up. Read the rest of this entry »

Friends with Benefits »

[10 Feb 2012 | One Comment | ]

Hey Robby G!

About 6-7 months ago my mom introduced me to a guy who could help me with a
bartending job, we met up several times to go over the process, but ended up
spending more time talking and hanging out-going to a restaurant etc.

Definitely great chemistry between us and he had told me he thought I was very
attractive, but I had mentioned I was in a relationship of 3 years so that was
that, really. I ended up getting a job elsewhere, thanked him, he asked if we
could still hang out sometime, I said sure! We would text every so often, just
about what we’ve been up to, little about each other but never really hung out.
About 4 months ago he had asked to meet up, so we went to a party with friends
he knew, while I still had my bf. Nothing happened other than a lot of flirting
(which I didn’t feel great about). He had asked to see me again, and I wanted to
really bad but never got around to it.

About 3 months ago, my bf of 3 1/2 years and I broke up, it wasn’t a bad break
up but college has gotten the better of us and it got really tough. This guy and
I ended up talking again, hanging out, and watching movies, which lead to a lot
of kissing. Hung out 4-5 times before we slept together, both of us said we were
in no position to be in a relationship (me because I had only been single for a
month and love my ex, but was attracted to this new guy; and he because he had
been single for about a year and had not really met anyone). After sex we spend
a while talking about life, our families, school etc. We always kiss
“hi” and “bye” and always hold hands/cuddle before and
after- was a little confusing. I figured we were just “F” buddies, but
after he stayed the night at my place the 4th time we slept together, he wanted
to cuddle, hold hands, kissed my forehead, gave me massages, back tickles etc…
just felt very couple-y.. and we would have sex in the morning.

We text once every week or so, he has called me “love” and texted me
on thanksgiving, my birthday etc. He calls me beautiful and gorgeous and goes on
about how hot I am when we are with each other… but it’s not over the top and
obnoxious. But we also do not go out on dates or anything, which I assumed would
be the case as we were starting off as a booty-call situation.

We went to a lake for a midnight walk recently and he initiated holding my hand.
He gave me his coat and we talked about traveling and going to Europe.

I am just very confused because I had been ok (and assumed) that I was just
going to be his “F” buddy, but it feels like a lot more than that. But
when I asked if he wanted to come to a friends wedding with me as my date, and
stay at the hotel after, he said: “Simplicity is the key to success”
and didn’t think it was a great idea. I said “alright :)” as I didn’t
mind either way, but then he told me “I hope you don’t think its
because i don’t have feelings for you.”

I like him, a lot. But I don’t know how to act now because he is giving me
really mixed messages. Any suggestions? And thank you so much for taking time to
read this!

Read the rest of this entry »

Step Up Your Game »

[2 Feb 2012 | No Comment | ]

So here’s the deal:

In my country there is a rock music group that was kind of famous like 6 years
ago, now they don’t release any albums and there were fights with the vocalist,
etc.

One night they were singing reunited in a club, I was there front line, long
story short I fucked the vocalist.

That night I met the piano guy and then he and me continued to talk and
eventually we fucked. this has been happening since November. Every time we fuck
we talk and we have gotten to know each other we go to the same clubs and have a
hello/hello public relationship, because almost everyone in this city knows
everyone, and everyone knows I fucked the vocalist, at least in our social
circle which includes the pianist sister who happens to see me as a whore, and
she has all the reason btw. The vocalist is no problem we only did it that one
time and he lives in another city, and I really like the pianist, I have stopped
talking to him (we always chat on fb) and i wanna ask him out on a date, but I
don’t know it’s complicated because i think that me fucking his partner is gonna
make him not give it a chance. I don’t know what to do and I see your advice are
great, pls help!!!

Read the rest of this entry »

Dating »

[1 Feb 2012 | 4 Comments | ]

Hi Robby,

I love the way you give advice when I wrote you about my love problem in the
past (Pursued by a Married Man). Everything you said was an eye opener.

I am confused again this time with a new guy. He was someone I met
more than 4 years ago. We went out on a date, had dinner then he took me to the
movies. During the dinner, he was really ok to speak with and acted like a real
gentleman but when we went inside the movies, he kissed and touched me everywhere.
The kiss was so passionate and good that I allowed him to kiss me more and there
were some touching and so on but that was it. He invited me for a second date
and this time, right after the date, we had sex. Afterwards, he hinted on
wanting to see me again, and I said yes but when I went home, I felt sad,
because it was the first time I did it with a guy who was not my bf. And mostly,
I felt attracted to him yet I can see he only wanted to get laid with me. When
he asked me out for the third time, I decided not to respond, deleted his number
and removed his messenger ID from my list. And as I lost touch with him for 4
years although during those time span, I would randomly receive offline messages
from him every once in a while. I had not been able to log on to my messenger
for quite a long time, so I was able to move on from him and forget about what I
felt for him. And because I was so ashamed that I gave in to a stranger, I was
hoping he won’t see me again.

Just last December 31st, eve of new year, I was able to get online to keep in
touch with my sister until I got an IM from a guy. I still recognized his ID
though, and yes he was the guy I hooked-up 4 yrs back so I decided that I would
pretend to have forgotten him. He gave me a video call and I answered it. He
smiled while he was trying to introduced himself again to me and since I told
him I don’t remember anymore, he told me about what we did during our
dates back then. I felt stupid telling him I don’t remember so I just
said “yeah I remember you”–and
there–we were able to sort of..pick up things where we left of.
We spoke for 5 hours trying to reconnect whatever was disconnected between us.
After he found out that I’m still single, he offered me a real
relationship saying “will you be my girlfriend” I told him that
if I am to be in a relationship at this point, I don’t want playing
games and I don’t want to be involved with a taken/married guy. He
assured me that he’s not in a relationship nor married so, finally on January
1st 2012, I said yes and we’re already a couple. By the way he’s assigned
to Africa because of his work so we decided to keep in touch online. When
I’m at work, we do it through emails/IM and during week-ends, we video
chat through Skype.
During our first week as a couple, everything was ok despite the distance. But
somehow, something’s bothering me but I just can’t tell
directly. All I understood was that his plans when he comes back only revolve
around what are we going to do in bed. He keeps on talking about sex. He would
keep on telling me how I managed to stay beautiful and sexy and that we will do
a lot of stuff in bed. At first, I tried to understand him that he’s
just lonely and he is hungry of some intimacy (he doesn’t have any
chance to go out with girls in Africa because he’s doesn’t feel
secure). What’s bothering me more is that he keeps on telling me to get
naked or at least expose some of my body parts while we are doing video chat. 1
time, I obliged. But after that, I firmly said no. I explained to him my reasons
and then he would ask me to at least wear something sexy. Sometimes I do that
but most of the time I don’t. He said that he’s serious about
his relationship with me. I want to believe but I’m scared. Sometimes,
he would tell me about his plans in having a family with me but when he starts
asking me to get naked while we video chat, it makes me worried. He is sweet and
I can feel that he’s sincere but sometimes I doubt him.

Do you think this kind of guy is really serious about our relationship?

Read the rest of this entry »

Friends with Benefits »

[29 Jan 2012 | No Comment | ]

Hi Robby,
I need boy input here! My question is: as a guy who is in a f/buddy relationship
with a girl who has obvious feelings for the guy, would you ever say “i
love you” in a playful way (like in a joke or backhanded way) or do guys
avoid any non-serious use of the L word like the plague? I would have thought
the latter, but an FB of mine really surprised me by uttering the L word (in a
backhanded way). I’m trying to figure out if that’s all it was — a bizarre
backhanded comment that slipped out at the height of passion, or if it could be
a shred of an indication that this guy may have some love bug going on…

The story: I’m a girl in an open relationship. I’ve had fun with lots of sex
friends without getting emotionally attached. BUT there is one guy that I got
stuck on… he was in a messy break-up when we first met, and he knew all about
my open relationship thing.

Something about us clicked and a strong attraction grew between us that was
different to anyone else, and for the first time, I had feelings for an FB.
Overall though, he was often reserved, elusive and distant, he was hot and cold,
sometimes rude, and played games throughout our 10-month affair, sending mixed
messages. He always avoided any “I really like you” kind of
comments or anything that would pin down his feelings. I was always honest,
direct and open about things, and I know he took advantage of this. Anyway, in
the end I moved abroad and our desire for each other was still strong but my
feelings were mixed; I liked him, but I was hurt, due to his
reserved/hot-cold ways. We kept in touch for 2 years without seeing each other
(even though I tried to break it off a few times) and then we had the chance to
meet again (he is now not so happily married to the gf of the messy breakup).

We had a fantastic, passionate meeting, during which he kept exclaiming how he
loved this and that about my body (he likes a bit of dirty talk). Then he said
“I love you and your sexy [body part].” I didn’t know
what to say! I was shocked that he would utter any kind of I love you, no matter
how backhanded, dirty or bizarre.

Isn’t this something any FB should avoid saying??? I was the one with
the feelings but I would never have said “I love you” to him in
any situation, be it serious/jokey/dirty talk.

Thoughts??

Read the rest of this entry »

Friends with Benefits, Step Up Your Game »

[24 Jan 2012 | One Comment | ]

hey Robby. I’ve been seeing my fuck buddy Nelson for a couple months now, and
we’ve been fuck buddies since the beginning. I’ve never had a fuck buddy
relationship I’m not sure what to expect. We meet a couple times a week at least,
and for the past two weeks I’ve been staying at his house as a guest, and the
two weeks before I was there almost every night and gone in the afternoon or
evening and picked up later that night again. He has found out about two of my
other fuck buddies and has gotten mad and said he wanted to end this but both
times I’ve talked to him about it and talked him out of it. You can tell he’s
insecure about it, but whats the insecurity in friends with benefits? And
well tonight was the night I left after the two weeks, he was sleeping and my
brother was coming to pick me up because had work in the morning & I went to
kiss him goodbye and tell him I was leaving, he jumped up and got mad. We’ve
been fighting over Facebook for 4 hours and he blocked me and unblocked me &
I just need to know what I could to make it right? like I really care about him
and he was starting to talk about taking me out, doing stuff with me &
potentially moving and calling stuff ‘ours’ using ‘we’ before he never
did. I really care about him, I really don’t want to lose him, so please help me!

Read the rest of this entry »

Hooking Up »

[18 Jan 2012 | One Comment | ]

Hola Robby,
I don’t know what to do about this on again off again situation I am in with
this guy and am interested in your opinion … I first met him 2 years ago
outside of a party over summer break in my hometown where we completely hit it
off. we had a lot of the same interests, music tastes and so forth and exchanged
numbers that night. I continued to hang out with him various times that summer,
all of which I would go with my friends to different parties his friends were
having but never really got to know each other very well, but the attraction
definitely remained. Then out of nowhere he stopped all communication and when I
would send him a friendly text now and then, I would get no response. So no
biggie I decided to put him in my past with no real losses. Then the following
time i was home, he hit me up and invited me to a party which I went to and he
randomly after so much time, decided to make a move. The night was fun, I was
intrigued but still nothing important. We remained in contact after that and
when the following summer came along, and after off again on again
communication, it was clear to me that he most likely just wanted to hook up and
didn’t want anything more- simply from the lack of interest in getting to know
me. So I decided I needed to be more of the man and make the moves. The next
time he invited me to chill with him and his friends, I went alone and we ended
up fooling around a little but when I tried to take it to the next level, he
didn’t want to. This same thing happened 2 other times afterwards. Basically, I
am confused of what he wants. When he didn’t show much of a obvious interest me,
I was okay with settling for just hooking up because I find him attractive but then
when I try to pursue that, he backs down. I just want to know why you think he
continues to invite me places if he doesn’t want to bang or be friends. What
else is there left to be? whatchaaa think?

Read the rest of this entry »