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Playing the Field

17 September 2010 One Comment

I met this guy 1 yr ago. We really seem to like each other, but, he has
never really asked me out. He only calls me when he has been out drinking.
I feel that the truth comes out when someone has been drinking. Anyways,
that’s really the only time he calls is when he has been drinking. Sometimes
he will text me back if I text him, but normally, he won’t answer.
When he calls me, he always tells me how much he really likes me and thinks
I’m a very nice person. He did tell me that he really does not want a long
term relationship right now. We have been together sexually twice and I
think that is all he really wants from me. I have really true deep feelings
for this guy, and I do think he knows that. I feel that he cares about me,
BUT, it doesn’t make at all sense to me why he only calls when he is drunk.
He could call anyone. He is 43 and soon to be 44. I don’t think he will
ever change. He has never been married, but, had a long term relationship
with a girl for 15 yrs and they lived together. I truly feel that he is
using me, but, on the other hand, I do feel that he has some kind of
feelings for me. I seriously think I may be wasting my time on him and I
feel I’m going to be crushed. Please help me with this situation. I really
care for this guy.

You’re right about people’s true selves coming out when they are drunk, but there is another factor here. He may just be more horny when he’s drunk and not to fully discredit him, but it may be that he just wants to get laid when he’s drunk. You have to appreciate the fact that at least he is being honest about not wanting to start a long term relationship. And him being someone who came out of a relationship of 15 years, I don’t blame him. Right now he is just testing the waters and even though he may not find any more satisfaction in the useless sex and partying than what an emotional relationship offers, it is only time that can change his mind. It is only experience that can make him realize that having someone who likes him and wants to have a relationship with him is more satisfying.

Space and Time

I personally think the only thing that is worth doing here is to give him his space and time. He needs it in order to test what’s out there and enjoy his freedom instead of locking himself into another relationship hoping that he was single again. If he were to get into another relationship now, it is almost inevitable that he would end up cheating, because it is obvious that he is quite clear about the importance of keeping himself untied of anything emotional right now. I know that you like him and in fact it might even be his attitude to not want to commit that may attract you to him in the first place. Staying friends with him may not be a bad idea and showing him that if he ever reconsiders and gets tired of playind the field then you’ll be there for him.

One Comment »

  • Jenn said:

    Robby G:

    Thank you so much for your response. You are so very right in your response. But, since I left you the message, I have since told him that I can not just be his sexual partner and that I care about him, and that has been 3 weeks ago, and, I have not heard from since. So, it is very obvious to me, that I was just that to him, his sex partner. Its really a shame, I really liked the guy, but I truly do believe everything happens for a reason. Its his loss not mine.
    Thanks Jenn

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