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Pull a 180 to Get Her to Like You

17 June 2010 4 Comments

Hi Robby,
This is a pretty long story, so I’ll try and be as quick as I can.

So, I met this girl just before New Years Eve. She was a friend of a friend.
At first things were great. She wanted to spend time with me a lot, and I
think now this was because I wasn’t sure if I was interested in her. Because
I was still making my mind up and not always around she chased me. Anyway,
the tables turned and we spent a LOT of time together after I realised I
really liked her.

Then, out of the blue, she tells me that she doesn’t want a boyfriend,
because she’s 21 and been in two long relationships before, and now just
wants to be single. I kind of understood, but also I think I made the
mistake of being too needy and too readily available to do things, when
before I was always pretty busy. This pushed her further and further away,
now I look back. Really frustrating when originally it was her who was doing
the chasing!

So now, a couple of months down the line, we are at a strange situation,
where we see each other and spend time together and have sex, but whenever we
are in a social situation (we have many of the same friends) she goes out of
her way to ignore me or push me away. This is also annoying because whenever
she is feeling down I look after her, cook her dinner, let her stay at mine

Is she blowing hot and cold to hold power over me? To appear to everyone
else that she is single? Or is she basically just getting what she wants
from me and then dropping me when she’s had enough?

I’ve never had this problem before, I was always the one doing the playing,
and now the tables have turned I don’t know what to do to turn them back!

The main question I have Robby, is, how can I get this girl to change her
mind about me, and to do the chasing once again? She works in a bar and has
guys after her all the time, so I need something which will make her chase
me again, because she obviously still has feelings for me.

When the girl said she didn’t want a boyfriend and just wanted to see me
casually, she also mentioned that she wanted to sleep with other people
without feeling guilty.

I have found this really hard to deal with and even though I don’t know the
details I do know that she has slept with at least one other person since. I
think my jealousy about this makes me chase her more and worry about what she
is up to all the time. I must text her at least once a day.When the girl said she didn’t want a boyfriend and just wanted to see me
casually, she also mentioned that she wanted to sleep with other people
without feeling guilty.

I have found this really hard to deal with and even though I don’t know the
details I do know that she has slept with at least one other person since. I
think my jealousy about this make me chase her more and worry about what she
is up to all the time. I must text her at least once a day.

Thanks Robby!

To be completely honest, you seem to be in a very great position right now. You have a girl that wants to sleep with you and not keep you tied to any strings. Most guys would be thrilled that they have a fuck buddy for times when they need to get laid and she is cool with you finding other girls in the process. But since you began liking her, it is clear that you have become dependent on her and she only wants one thing from you. The fact that you played hard to get in the beginning made her want you, but once you realized you really like her, as you said, the tables turned and she no longer found you as interesting to chase after anymore. The good thing is, I know how to get you to turn the tables once again and make her not only chase you, but want to get into a relationship with you.

The Complexity of Women

Women are complex up to a point that you figure at least one out. Once you’ve got that one figured out then it’s as almost as good as knowing how the mind of all of them works. She was chasing you because she couldn’t have you, but now that she does, she isn’t as interested in you as much and only uses you for sex. She claims she wants her freedom to sleep around with other guys and tells you that there are no strings attached to you either and that you can go and do whatever you think is fair. This jealousy you are experiencing only gives her more and more power and control over you. The beauty of knowing this is that if you do the exact opposite then she will get interested in you once again as someone more than just a fuck buddy.

You currently have the ability to either continue being her fuck buddy, which is a pretty good position in my opinion, or you can make her your girlfriend. If you want the latter, then you must stop cooking for her, stop telling her to stay over after sex, and completely change your attitude towards her. Even though it is going to be an act, remember it’s all a game at the end of the day, so you should play it right. Keep sleeping with her, but avoid cuddling or any other “love making” things, thinking this will attract her even more. She knows you like her, it’s evident, so she is playing her cards with that in mind. You, however, must demonstrate that you are using her, instead of her using you. You must make her feel like she is seriously being used for just sex and that she isn’t good enough for you to make her a girlfriend. At the same time as you continue this fuck buddy relationship, go out and actually look for other girls, this will keep your mind off her and it will keep you from texting her each day. When you are around common friends, flirt with other girls in the group and act like she is just a friend and nothing more, nothing less. Do not act mean to her, but simply indifferent to her needs or wants. Then once she sees that you do not care for her and she picks up on your nonchalant behaiviour, you will have to play hot and cold with her. Flirt with her, but then say something a little bit unkind and something a complete asshole would say, but make sure to make it seem like a joke and laugh it off. This change of character in you will make her feel uncertain that she had you all figured out and this will reignite the attraction.

You will need patience for this process and you must get the idea that you like her out of your head for the time being. Once you have her guessing your actions, that’s when you should take her out one day and really impress her with dinner, but this is only once you have turned the tables and all of your indifference and hot and coldness has attracted her to your transformation from someone rather needy to someone collected and unpredictable.


  • GMan said:

    Hi Robby,

    Thanks for your advice.
    I began last week with a new outlook and didn’t contact her once, and let her contact me instead. I would be blunt with her and not be as funny or friendly as usual. This ended up working in a way, as she thentold me she’d missed me and was the one asking to see me, instead of me asking her.

    I’ve tried to maintain more distance between us and it seems to be looking a bit more positive.

    The thing is, she is still making me look a bit of a fool. She told one of my friends, the night after she asked to see me and came round, that she was glad she had ‘escaped from me’. But she then saw me the next day after that too! What?!

    I need some more advice as to where to go from here. I am much more confident in not contacting her constantly and instead letting her chase me, but I don’t know where to go from here. As you said, do I now ramp up the hot-and-cold method? How do I handle it when we are out and I see her flirting with other people? Do I just act like I don’t caren anymore?

    Thanks Robby!

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @GMan: I think you should give it a little more time before starting the hot/cold method, let her miss you just a little longer. When she tells you she misses you act cool about it, like it doesn’t even matter to you as if it just goes in on ear and out the other. If you ever see her flirting with some other guy, act as if it doesn’t matter one bit, even throw in a smile.
    I really don’t like how she said that she was glad she escaped from you. If she ever says or does something inappropriate to you that you feel gets you mad, not due to jealousy, but simply because she says something disrespectful, act on those emotions and stand your ground. It’s alright to get cold and give her a look from which she can tell that what she said didn’t settle well with you. Don’t mention it, just make her feel that you know that she has done something you don’t like, and then just simply move on past it, and get back to your normal self. I think the main issue here is that you’ve been too nice to her and she has began to take that kindness for weakness, so maybe it’s time to bring in a little more of a “I don’t give a fuck” type attitude, where you make smart ass remarks and don’t necessarily put much weight on what she says or does. I think this change of attitude will make her want to understand what caused it and then she’ll try to draw you in more.
    Keep me informed.

    Reply to Comment

  • GMan said:

    Hi Robby, thought I’d give you an update,

    I’m currently trying to maintian the ‘couldn’t give a fuck’ attitude, and if anything at least I’m feeling better about things. The thing is, after me and her had a conversation, I’m not sure I like the position I’m in now. Like you said, the fuck buddy situation is a pretty good situation to be in, but me and her definitely have something more than just sex. (I’m not acting in that more ‘full-on’ way anymore, I’m just aware of it in my own mind). After we spoke I basically feel that she is looking for someone to fall head-over-heels in love with, at first sight, rather than thinking it’s a gradual process. With that in mind it seems that, from what we both said, she sees me as good for the time being, but that she is just waiting for someone better to come along and sweep her off her feet in an instant. I know, as I am slightly older and had more relationships, that it very rarely happens like that! Love is more likely be a gradual thing, but she doesn’t believe this and isn’t willing to give it, or us, a chance.

    Like I said in my previous posts, she chased me originally until the chase got too easy and she lost ineterest. How can I turn this around, and make her stop looking for anyone else? Is it more of the same as you explained in your original reply? To pull the 180?

    She’s strange, and sounds like she loves me and couldn’t give a fuck, all in the same sentence!

    As always, your help is really appreciated!

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Gman: Hey man, sorry sometimes it just doesn’t work out exactly how we plan things. I don’t know what else to tell you, she sounds like the typical tease, but at least she’s giving it up sometimes. If I were you personally I would enjoy the sex while its still there and not complicate things too much with a relationship. I know you really like her though so it makes things more difficult, but if the 180 move doesn’t work then she’s really good at telling what your plans are and is playing game upon game.

    Reply to Comment

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