Home » Hooking Up

Quit Playing Games, Let’s Get Straight to the Point

26 February 2011 2 Comments

I met this guy online and when he asked what I was looking for I told him
right away that I was looking for a long term fuckbuddy relationship. We
flirted a bit, I didn’t hear from him for a month then he asked if he could
send me a penis pic. I said sure and I must admit I was intrigued because
he is well endowed. We discussed about meeting up but nothing ever happened.
I then would send him sporadic e-mails, he would take a week to answer and
claims to be busy with work. OK, so I get he is not into me but then starts
sending me flirty e-mails but seems to be all talk. So I finally sent him an
e-mail reiterating that I am looking for a fuckbuddy not an online
relationship and to stop bullshiting or leave me alone. Doubt he will
respond. I am very upfront, not into games and just want no strings attached
sexual relationship. I thought this was every man’s dream. What gives? Do
men want to play games, have women lie to them, pretend to be chased, etc?

What Jackie O Doesn't Know . . .  (Hipstamatic Contest Entry)
Photo by gogoloopie
That’s a very good question and though I wish there was one answer, there’s certainly a variety of factors that play on what a man wants. In your situation, I’m confused why he would be all about games if he’s on a dating site and you clearly told him that you want a fuck buddy AND he even went as far as sending you photos of his dick. With that sort of honesty from the start, he shouldn’t be expecting anything except a fuck buddy relationship. Usually, men are really into games or they are very straight up about everything. The problem is, sometimes the girl wants to play games and he won’t get far without playing along, or the man is at a phase where the chase is better than the catch and would like to play games even though it’s not necessary.

Playing Along

The men who tend to play games are the ones who are used to playing games or are somewhat good at playing around. These type of men feel more comfortable with flirting and being mysterious while trying to attract the woman. They tend to expect an equal amount of gameplay in return in order to feel like they are achieving something and are getting closer to either sleeping with the girl or at least going out with one. If the girl is too upfront about things, they tend to either back away; care for a little while and then move on; or feel like they have nothing more to achieve, so they lose interest. It’s not that these type of men are less sincere about attracting women and dating, it’s that they find it more of a thrill, especially in the beginning, that the woman poses a challenge for them, and they thrive off that challenge. When all the cards are laid out in front of them, they feel like there is no mystery and they do not want to pursue that girl. This is the same as when a guy acts too desperate in front of a girl and she doesn’t find it attractive. These “players” need the challenge in order to continue wanting to pursue the girl and after sometime if the girl plays along, they too find it comforting to kick all the bullshit and settle down. However, it will take much longer for this type of person to get into a relationship than a guy who is straight to the point about things.

Straight to the Point

The men who do not play games are either completely tired of playing around and want to be upfront; or they never understood the point of playing games and always were keen on expressing whatever they felt in hopes of having the girl reciprocate their desires. Just like you did not want to play games and were straight to the point about things, these type of men also present a no bullshit attitude and they get frustrated at any games or “amateur” behaviors. These men do not want to send emails or texts that are flirty unless things are guaranteed to end up in bed, because they see these forms of flattery to lead to nowhere most of the time. You confronted the guy about his shady behavior, and even though he claimed that he was one of the upfront type of guys, he turned out quite unpredictable and even childish to be honest. Even the type of guy who plays games when confronted either tells the woman that he’s just not interested in her or goes through with what they initially agreed on, but he wouldn’t sneak around in hopes that she would just forget about him.

To answer the question whether or not the long-term fuckbuddy is every man’s dream, it is in fact a major fallacy. Though some men would kill for such an opportunity, many would actually not be interested in something like that even though they claim that it’s something they want. Many men in fact get very sensitive and insecure when a woman is so upfront about sex and it makes him feel like he is not on par with her experience. It’s something that the majority would not admit to a woman, but there is a high degree of men that get extremely intimidated by a woman especially if she acts carefree about sex and considers to have sex with him without getting to know him beforehand. But don’t get discouraged, there are also men out there that could careless about the getting to know you phase and all they want is to have a casual relationship. It’s a hit or miss, to be honest, but it is still annoying I’m sure that if you’re on a website where you are looking for a fuckbuddy, there are those who pretend to be down with it but turn out be the uncertain types.

Shameless advertising for my other life – “Blue Line Films” & SoundScan Studios


  • GG said:

    This is a really interesting post and a rarely discussed aspect of casual sex from the woman’s viewpoint! I have met quite a few men (online and off) – in a clearly sex-friend context – who play games in exactly the way the OP described, or worse, start to play them *after* we’ve had sex. The latter I’ve found to be quite common … a couple of weeks after a rendezvous, the sex friend/s in question would send me lots of flirty sexy texts, and then when I tried to make plans for another rendezvous, they would just continue flirting and would be elusive about their availability, and would not make a date or most likely would shilly-shally for a while. We would usually meet up again, but they would draw out a flirty, long-winded chase between meetings which I just couldn’t comprehend. For me, I would rather have no contact for 3 weeks and then receive a “I’m horny, let’s meet on Saturday!” email than all this game-playing. But the guys I’ve met would always want many many rounds of flirtation before committing to another rendezvous … It was as if they preferred the actual sexting to the real sex itself! This had me flabbergasted: a man has a woman wanting just hot, spicy sex, and he is *not* interested in that, but would rather send a tedious number of flirty texts?? What?!

    This behaviour is extremely puzzling when it happens in a sex friend scenario. I associate such game-playing more with romantic/serious relationship dating, or something that women usually do, not men – it shouldn’t have a place in casual sex!

    I agree with Robby G — men who play games in a sex friend situation seem to get off more on the thrill and flattery of the chase (and the ego-boost from any compliments, proving that they still have “it”). Also, they may be in a situation in their personal lives where they can’t actually meet up regularly (ie they are married and cheating on their wife or something) so this form of titillation is easiest for them (and isn’t “real” cheating, so they avoid the possible guilt/complications which they could feel after real sex…).

    Also, maybe guys often don’t know how to behave in online “casual sex” interaction (online casuals is generally quite a recent thing compared with traditional dating sites and/or pre-Internet dating agencies), so they revert to the formula they may use in their usual romantic/relationship dating life (in which most guys can be split into “Player” or “Nice Guy” groupings). If they normally like the chase when looking for a serious girlfriend, they employ the same technique when looking for a sex friend too.

    Players are annoying online because they waste so much time. I guess it’s best to be harsh and cease all contact when they show any signs of all talk and no play (^_^)

  • GG said:

    p.s. some other things I’ve noticed about players as sex friends: as well as being mysterious and elusive, they are almost always a touch arrogant; they are a bit boastful about themselves, or other women who are interested in them or are chasing them; they usually always have a story about a woman who “stalked” them because she liked them so much (I assume this is a woman that the player really led on & she wasn’t actually stalking them at all but was just pursuing the Player due to the mixed messages he was giving off), and they often have some kind of “hang-up” or problem sexually (ie they can’t perform more than once, they come quickly or they are selfish/conservative in the sack and won’t go down or something). Thankfully most sex friends I meet aren’t like this, but there are a surprising number of guys out there who check all the above boxes of Player. Sadly Players tend to be quite handsome and seductive too — so be on guard!

Leave your Thoughts!