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Rediscover the Past

25 October 2011 2 Comments

Why after a terrible break up, my ex won’t leave me alone? I have asked him
to stop texting me, to stop commenting on my facebook etc… Finally after
texting me and me texting him back I told him that I loved him and that I
wanted to be with him, and it was all or nothing with me. I asked him if it
was all? he said no. I stated then we were nothing then. Then he became a
little mean and started stating that at least we agreed on one thing!! I
don’t get it? one moment he says “you will never know how much I miss you”
and the next he is just not so nice!! Any advice?? I’m lost, because my
feelings for him are huge!! Please help!

This depends on how close you two were before the break up and also how long you have been together. A lot of the time, it is difficult for men to agree to “all” rather than nothing because there is a lot of responsibility hanging on that. Ultimatums only work in very few situations and you must usually be certain that he’ll make the decision that you want him to make before setting an ultimatum out for him. Otherwise, you’re shooting in the dark–especially when you do it right after a break-up. Women pay much attention to categorizing and labeling things, and it spreads all the way to feelings. I find this is usually not helpful to anyone. When you feel a certain way, do you really need confirmation by labeling it that certain way? Men are often the opposite when it comes to labeling. It is easier to make a man act as you want him to if you do not tell him that this is the way it is and this is what it’s labeled as. If you’d like to get him back and keep him, try to be more open and accepting rather than putting guidelines or restrictions on the relationship. Relationships should be viewed as meaningful connections of two people who enjoy being together more than enjoy being apart. Next time there is a good time for you to talk in more serious tones, ask him what it is he looks for in a woman and what sort of relationship HE is interested in. I’m not condemning you personally, I am saying that we as people generally tend to forget that a relationship is not one-sided and we should build something significant together as a couple rather than expressing what we ourselves want and expect the partner to fold to it.

Is He Afraid of Commitment?

If, however, you were in an emotional conundrum where you yourself weren’t too sure about what you wanted and you told him he can have “all or nothing” then it’s probably best for you to not even continue with this relationship. This is simply because it appears that you are exhausted of his tip-toeing around the things that are important to you. I personally feel like you may need a short break from him to reassess your needs and wants, and then see what you really are keen on accomplishing with your relationship, or if you are even still interested in him after that short break. Then if you see that that flame is still lit then you may want to reach out to him and take things slow and almost like it was when you first began to date. With that you will be able to rediscover what you have lost on the way, and you will see what it was initially that got you two together and you should focus on keeping that fire going.


  • melinda said:

    Too Late, I found out that after only being split up for three weeks he was already dating another!!

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Melinda: That’s a shame. But at the same time you can now completely move on.

    Reply to Comment

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