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Self Respect is Greater than Any Woman

1 August 2010 13 Comments

Dear Robby

I hope this get through to you. I am Asian, so pardon my english if it
doesn’t sound right.

Here goes my story. Me and a co-worker started off as FBs. We would hook up for a few times a
week initially, sex was good and it goes on for about a month.

A little about this girl, she is very cold on the outside, and doesn’t show
her emotions easily. She loses interest in guys easily. But at times she does go for a one night
stand. That’s what she told me about her past. She loves sex.

So we started off the FBs relation, and it was all good.
Till i think i didn’t control my emotions and i guess i fall for her.

I made it known to her that i like her, but she reinforce that it’s only sex.
And i am not her type. It’s quite hurting with her comments but it’s
expected.

We still continue the sex, but it gets less and less. And my feelings for
her grew stronger and stronger.

I will keep thinking of what she is doing, if she is with some other guys,
if she is sleeping with any other guys.
I will text her, but either she go cold with the reply. One or Two words
answer.
Or she will not reply at all.
It’s very miserable for me.

One day, she told me we should stop this. And I didn’t agree. But she
insisted. And she was very cold and mean to me after that. We didn’t really
talk a lot in the office and she will be very mean to me when we talk.
I still msg her and care for her. But she didn’t bother much about me.
This goes on for about a month, and suddenly one day, she told me she was
pregnant.
I went through the abortion with her, pay for it. And care for her as what i
should.

After the abortion, we grew closer, and we resume the FB relation.
She confess to me that she actually start to like me a little, but really
not enough for me to be her boyfriend.
We will hang out more often, go home together, or hook up in my house or
hotel sometimes.
We hang out during weekends too. And talk in the car for hours whenever i
send her home.
I am so happy that things have suddenly changed and she is so nice to me like
my girlfriend.
She will text me with caring messages and will tell me she misses me and
miss my cuddle and stuff.

I am immersing in this. and i really cannot believe whats happening. I took
her for my girlfriend. We were each other’s priority.

Then suddenly for no apparent reasons, after about 1 month, she go cold with
me, and tell me we should stop this. It’s not right. She stop texting me,
rejected my dates to go out. And keep going out with friends. Not replying my
messages.
She doesnt like me “that way”.
I can’t say much no matter how hurt i was.

And for some reason, i have to leave the company, and i hate the fact that
i cannot see her anymore.

Now its about 2 weeks that it happen. I am so emotionally hurt. I can’t see
her anymore and things just ended.

I text her constantly asking her stupid stuff.
But all her reply is either one word reply or she will not even reply.
She rejected all my dates to go out.

One saturday, i sent her a text, telling her how much i missed her, and
the times we had, our roller coaster relationship.
But i have to agree that things must end and it’s best to do it.

Today, she ask me to meet her for supper for some work related issues she
wants to ask me.

Please help me on this, i really miss her. Is there anything i can do to turn
this around.
Sorry if its long.

Keith

Keith, I’ll be completely honest with me and say things that you may most likely not want to hear. There are sometimes relationships–even roller coaster relationships–that can be fixed, but there is nothing good that can come out of your situation. I would advise to completely cut all ties with her and just move on and try to find someone new. The way she has been acting and treating you is with utter disrespect and usery and there isn’t anything there that can be transformed into something pisitive. The pregnancy had brought you closer together and then she ended up doing the same thing she did initially, which is abruptly cut the relationship short. Once you saw that she had stopped messaging you back or her texts were rather cold, you should have moved on. She does not show appreciation and even though you may like her as much as you do, I do not think she ever took your relationship too seriously. When I give advie for people on how to get back together, I tend to see some glimmer of hope, but here I think your best move would be to keep your self-respect and completely cease any contact with her. If she asks to meet up for work related help, tell her you’re busy, and if she ever reaches out to you again, do not fall back into her trap by doing everything she suggests. You have to stand your ground and that way she will at least see that she isn’t at the centre of your world and that she isn’t as special as she thought she was.

You are in the perfect position to forget about her now, since you have left the company and you do not have to see her on a daily basis. I know you do not want to move on yet, but there are times that one must cut his losses. I myself have been in situations where I thought that if I continued battling to get with the girl I liked then it would make her like me more, but the more you try the more it repels them in the long run. Also, in my opinion keeping my self-respet and dignity is much higher than any woman, so once I begin to notice that she isn’t treating me with respect that is usually when I retunr the favor and act the same way back or I just completely stop talking to her. Think about yourself in this situation and don’t let a girl’s desires or undesires sway your choices in life. Stand your ground and move on before getting back on the roller coaster to have her pull the same crap again.

13 Comments »

  • Keith said:

    Things are really bad now, we werent even talking , the other day the guys had a gathering for my pre-birthday
    celebration, and she is like a stranger to me.
    We hardly talk and was being very superficial the whole time, truthfully, the feelings suck ,consider the closeness we once
    had.
    Really don’t know why things turn out this way.

    But yes, i did something stupid after that night, i text her to ask if she wants to fuck.
    She replied me “who do u think i am ” we agreed to stop , y are u still trying.
    “You just cannot take the fact that i do not like you that way, and just because you like me , i have to like you.
    You think i will like somone like you, you are clueless man.”

    THis one hit me hard.Make me realise that she is just playing with me all the time.
    Robby, is there really nothing i can do to turns things around ??

    cheers

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Keith: I’m telling you, it’s best to just move on and not talk to her anymore. I know that these emotions you’re feelings is hard to deal with, but with those sort of comments she’s made, you should realize there isn’t anything there for you anymore. At this point she’s even lost respect for you and that’s evident when she called you clueless. Don’t sink any lower and just move on. Trust me man, it’s best to cut her out of your life and find someone new.

    Reply to Comment

    Keith Reply:

    Hey bro
    Thanks for the reply.
    In times like that, it really makes me feel good having someone like u around.

    Just to update U, me and her and another guy friend are supposedly very good friends.
    So the other day, I was bored so I ask the guy friend to hang out but I didn’t contact her though.
    In the middle of the night , she text me ask me way I am doing.
    Told her I m having coffee with him.
    She kick up a big fuss over it which mAkes me wondering why she did that.the more I try to explain it became worse.
    I told her I won’t wan to text her etc . Or I don’t think u will even reply me.
    Just don’t want to bug u.
    She got angry.
    The next day., we all had a gathering and I saw her. I didn’t really talk to her but still send her back as usual.smoke and talk a bit, and she acts like nothing happen the day before.after a while., she wants to go back so it ended.
    I don’t know man, what is in her brain. any insights?

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    You played it right when you said you didn’t want to bug her about it and that’s why you didn’t text her. I personally wouldn’t have even replied to her text just like how she tends to do to you. You have to out-play her in her own game. What’s in her brain is that she thinks she runs this “relationship”, so what you have to do is act as carelessly as possible around her and about her. If she gets mad, stay cool and even laugh at the fact that she’s getting excited over such petty shite. Keep her in check, because she’s clearly on some sort of power-trip.

    Reply to Comment

  • Keith said:

    Hey Bro

    i dunno man. Something impossible just happens.

    After the last message a week ago, i didnt communicate with her or anything

    OVer the last weekend. ON Saturday, i was sleeping into the middle of the night.

    Suddenly she called me at 5am in the morning, apparently after a drinking session with

    friends and soundly tipsy.

    She ask if she can come over to my place, i know i shouldn’t agree but i thought something

    has happen and i say ” yes, come if u want ”

    So she came, and the moment she saw me, she hug me and cried. she say she is very tired and she keep on crying

    although i kept quiet and didn’t really understand what she meant.

    So she talk most of the time, telling me how one of the collegue is hitting on her,messaging her everytime.

    Which i felt jealous.She is the type of girl who is nice to everyone.except me, i don’t understand why.

    She hug me and we sleep, we didnt do anything .she ask me if i want to fuck. I say “no” i do have condoms.

    I replied” i thought u hate me touching you” i don’t think i can do it

    so we just talk about stuff.Like normal.She keep asking me if i still like her

    Why am i still so nice to her even after she is so nasty to me.

    We went for breakfast the next morning and i send her back, we talk alot , i told her i am quite affected by the way she treat me

    mean, nasty and extreme.and the messages she send me previously really hurts.

    She just shrugg and kept quiet.

    she told me she know i can take it, and that’s why she like to push the limits on me.Which make me sound like a doormat

    whom she can step all over me.

    We met up later for movie and dinner. and talk also. Just tell her how i felt. And i ask her.What do you want from me.

    She just kept quiet.ask me why i ask that.

    We ended the day, i send her back and i really got mix feelings now, what should i do now.Why did she come back to my life

    again when i am trying so hard to get out

    Bro.Tell me what you think ?

    Reply to Comment

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Keith: She’s confused. And she’s playing these games that will lead nowhere. I would personally just tell her off and find someone new, it’s not worth to me to have a female act the way she does around me. The second she would make me feel like a doormat, I wouldn’t be too nice to her. It all depends on how far your limits are, and as long as she hasn’t crossed them all she is going to keep pushing.

    Reply to Comment

    Keith Reply:

    Hey Robby
    Thanks for the reply.
    I am really in a fix.I tried very hard to control my emotions and not contacting her.
    But the moment she call me, i am back at it again.
    I keep thinking about it, about why she did what she did.
    This week i didnt really contacted her just sme random message.

    In you r opininon, if you want to turn the tables and make things works
    What would you do?
    What u think she is thinking?
    In your opinion, if you do want to make this work, how would you do it?
    She is not the same man.

    Reply to Comment

  • The Man said:

    LOL, dude you need to get a grip. You aren’t in control of your emotions and she knows that. This is the quickest way to lose a girl.
    Here’s what you need to do:

    Just like Robby said, play HER game. For a while you did that, why do you think she came back around..? Here is why. She realized you CAN live without her. That part of you attracts her, because it makes you appear confident in her eyes. It makes you look like a REAL man. As long as you keep pining away over her, she will be turned off, because there is no “chase”. The excitement is not there, because you are not even a challenge. She can have you anytime she wants and that is a turn off, because the game ends after the sex.

    If you want to keep the game(chase) going after the sex, you need to get up afterwards and leave her in bed. You can do it immediately afterwards. She will ask where you’re going and you can tell her that you have “business to take care of”. If she asks to come along, tell her, “No”.

    Conversely, you can sneak out the next morning (after sex) before she wakes up. Either way, this sends a message that you don’t “need” to be with her.

    Don’t call her after sex and don’t text her for a few days. She will wonder why she hasn’t heard from you. If she texts you, don’t respond. If you DO decide to respond, then at least don’t respond for a few hours (and even then, KEEP IT BRIEF). This will keep her guessing. The content of the message would have to read as if “you’re cool” (meaning you are not phased by the physical bond you shared and you have a life outside of her).

    All of this adds up to you being more confident. You obviously like her, but this doesn’t mean you have to be emotionally weak. Like I said, being weak (inside) over her makes you look weak and it is a turn off. DON’T DO THAT!

    Robby G gave some good advice on moving on. All the things you did to follow his advice worked. She came around, didn’t she? From what I read into your situation is that she likes you, but she won’t tell you this and there are two reasons for that.

    1. She is holding out for someone “better”. Sexier, nicer body, more money, better job, more exciting, etc..

    2. Because if you know that she likes you, this it somehow diffuses the dynamics in her mind. In her mind, if you want to be with her, you have to learn how to let go of her. (“If you love her, let her go” is part of the saying). But “slow your roll”, homey. She is only mildly attracted to you. Your behavior is a turn-off remember?

    The funny thing is, if you behave as though you don’t want a relationship, and you don’t care if ends up with you, she will ironically end up wanting the relationship. My 2cents.

    Try it out and see.

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @The Man: Thanks for that great input. Those are all great points and if he wants her to see him as a outspoken man who respects himself he should follow those ideas you’ve supplied. If he can get her back in bed then getting up, leaving and having her feel used and confused will make her want to chase him more. Overall, great thoughts on the subject mate. I hope Keith tries out those points.

    Reply to Comment

  • Keith said:

    Hey guys
    Thanks for the feedback.
    Actually after the last time we met, we have not met up anymore.
    A few times i text her to meet were all rejected.
    Either she will say she is busy or we are only normal friends.
    So we havent really been in contact.
    As much as i want to see her.she is just not interested i guess
    So i am also quite loss as to what to do now.
    Any advice?

    Reply to Comment

  • mimi said:

    keith,just wana say how sorry i am u had to go though this. Bt the ting is i used be like her and did the exact thing 2 some1,it was bcoz i didnt love him,bt loved some1 else..the only reason i stayd with him was for finantial reasons plus so i wont be bord when my lover is not out of town..i used to ignore him when am with my bf..got pregnant,aborted he helpd me out so much i felt guilty n was nice to him..til i got back with my bf again..my advice is-stop obssesing,ignore her compleatly,get a good girl,enjoy ur life,she wil regrate losing u,i know i did.

    Reply to Comment

    Keith Reply:

    Hey guys
    Today i decided to move on. Its too Painful being so hung up about someone who really doesnt give a shit about me. I think deserve someone better.
    She lied to me about this guy, told me he is attached and there is nothing going on between them. The next moment i heard frm collegues she actually brought the guy to office.
    Its the final straw for me really. I need to put a stop to this, its affecting every part of me now. It cant be happening.
    I decide to stop contacting her, stop asking people about her and give myself 30 days.
    Like what the man had said, let her go. who knows she will come part. Till then this feelings will be buried away and i won’t want to touch it. Its painful.
    Guys, give me your support i need to win this battle.

    Reply to Comment

  • The Man said:

    Time for your 90 day check up. How are you holding up, there?

    Reply to Comment


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