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Serious Relationships are Sometimes Best Left Alone

23 January 2010 3 Comments

so i have been friends with this girl for about 3 years. I havent seen her
for those 3 years at all because of her OD JEALOUS BF. Now she has a baby
boy by him and is single because shes tired of his jealous ways and
controlling personallity. We started to talk and hang out about 4 months
ago. We do a lot together. I liked her since day 1. So one day i told her i
liked her. But by that time i was already moved into the “friend zone”. I
still tell her now and then that i still like her. So she decided to “give
it a try” between us… She likes to call it a “free trial”. I want to be
with her but she says that if there isnt a spark, we go back to being just
friends. I would like your thoughts on this situation i have and if there is
any advice u can give me. Thank you.

I have to say this is probably the most difficult question I’ll have to answer, because I really have nothing good to say about this. Although I’ll say that of course it’s your choice at the end to make the final decision, but since you messaged me for advice, I’ll have to be honest with what I think. So based on what you said, here are my thoughts.

Mr. Niceguy

You said you liked her since day one, but she was involved with a jelous and I’m assuming sort of an asshole, type of guy who she clearly couldn’t handle anymore after 3 years and had to leave. Then you come in, someone who has liked her but hasn’t pursued her because of her long-term relationship. You tell her directly that you like her and she puts limitations on your relationship from the start. I feel like already from the start she is making it seem like she’s doing you a favor by giving you a chance to “prove yourself” to her. Usually when the guy is too nice and folds to the woman’s needs, he ends up getting the raw end of the deal. Her ex-boyfriend must have not been the nicest guy, that’s why she eventually left him, but during the relationship she must have liked him because he wouldn’t take any guff from her. I, personally, hate it when women make it sound like they’re giving me a “free trial” or anything like that and I step away from the situation as soon as possible. I know that it’s difficult to fight your emotions, especially if you liked the girl for 3 years, but sometimes it’s best to walk away rather than go through with having it end bad.

The Good News

Of course, it is also possible that she is tired of having relationships with guys who aren’t too nice to her and may want to start something new with a guy who actually cares very much about her and puts her in the forefront of his mind. You also have to keep in mind that she has a baby-boy with her ex-boyfriend, so obviously she will still have a connection with him whether you like it or not. Her ex will still be a part of her life just because they share a child together. You can give it a try and see how things go and if anything goes awry then you can always end the relationship and go about your own way. The biggest problem I see here, is that you will also become a part of the child’s life, so it may not be as easy to eventually leave without having a feeling of responsibility, if not for her, but for the kid. My final suggestion would be that whatever you choose, be really cautious with how you approach the situation and know that she probably isn’t looking for a short-term boyfriend or fuck buddy but someone more concrete now that she has a child she needs to take care of. So if you’re not ready for such serious responsibilities then it may be best to walk away before things get formal.


  • Alex said:

    Robby, I really appreciate your response. It really got me thinking at the end. I am aware that the ex is going to be part of her life and he already is, personally i dont have a problem with him, its the other way around. I have made it clear to her already that this isnt going to go so far into the relationship where marriage is going to be a question. She understans that and is fine with it, so she says… The only big thing that is bothering me is that it does feel like im getting the raw end of the deal… At the same time i dont wanna walk away from this and think to myself the whole time saying “what if it did work out?” you know?

    So with that said, i think ill give it a shot and see how it goes.

    Thank you for your time and advice once again Robby G


  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Alex: I’m glad I could help, I just wanted to make sure that you approach it cautiously and if you think you can handle it then all the best to you. I personally know I wouldn’t get into a relationship like that just because there is too many problems that could arise from it, but if you’re man enough to do it then I salute you. One of the worst things to live with however is thinking that it might have worked out and not have followed through with it, because if it does work out then it can be the greatest decision of your life.

    If you ever need more advice, feel free to contact me. PS: Tell your friends 🙂
    .-= Robby G´s last blog ..Serious Relationships are Sometimes Best Left Alone =-.

  • Alex said:

    Thank you one more time Robby. I definetly will tell my friends about you.

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