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Should I Stay or Should I Go?

9 September 2009 2 Comments

Hey Robbie,

So I noticed on your blog that you have a page where a girl has asked you
for advice on a fuck buddy to girlfriend problem and I was wondering if I
could get some advice on my own situation, which is actually the complete
opposite.

I am in love with my ex – who is also one of my best friends – and he and I
have recently been hooking up a lot, which I find strange since we broke up
after he told me he loved me as a friend but didn’t feel particularly
sexually attracted to me.

He’s a really decent guy and I’ve known him for 9 years but he seems to
enjoy making things very complicated. Something which I had always thought
to be quite a feminine trait. He claims to over analyze situations and
always be thinking of the downsides, but he refuses to actually talk about
anything. It is very frustrating. Furthermore I can’t get over him because
he keeps coming back into my life (and my bed, for that matter).

Is this something worth working on, or am I just holding onto something
that isn’t really there? Do you have any insights for me?

Love Stella x

Hey Stella, thanks for the question. The name is spelled Robby, but whatever. Anywho, I’m known for my straight-forward advice and I really try not to be flip-floppy on how I think you should take care of this situation, because I personally believe it’s a waste of my time… but more importantly it’s a waste of your time. So I’ll get to the point. You mentioned that you used to go out and you then broke up to become just plain friends, however you keep sleeping with each other on and off. He also says he doesn’t want to get back with you, however does not elaborate on his reasons why. I’m sorry, but I’ll be blunt. He’s been with you, he found the sex good, however does not believe that he wants to continue a relationship with you, but he keeps hooking up with you because the sex is there and welcoming. He will most likely continue sleeping with you without getting back together until he finds another girlfriend, which more than likely will not be you. Now, the reason he gives you these lame excuses for not wanting to get back together with you due to his over-anylitical mind or because he sees too many downsides to a relationship with you, he is simply stalling for time. He is getting what he wants, and that is sex with no strings attached, but he is also able to freely search for love in other women.

In your case, it may be difficult to take all this in when you in fact love the person and want to believe that he is a decent and good-hearted man. Though, he could be a decent, good-hearted man for that matter, I believe he is also using the opportunities he has without having to give up any of his freedoms. Now that I’ve analyzed the situation, and hopefully I am right, since a third-person’s perspective on relationships is usually much clearer than when you are involved in the whole mix of things with the emotions and relations and whatnot, I will now answer what I think you should do about this issue.

Problem Solving

Think long and hard about what you really want. That’s crucial in any relationship. Think about the pros and cons with remaining in this twisted relationship. If you enjoy being with him even though you know he is somewhat using you for the sex and there most likely won’t be a future with him of any kind, then go right ahead and keep doing what you’re doing. However, if you really want to rid yourself from this guy even though he is a “decent” guy and you obviously still have emotions for him, I believe you just need to broaden the gap between the two of you. Try to avoid him and his calls as much as possible, because remaining friends will not work out for your benefit in any way in the future. That love will still be there and will be reignited each time you see him because he will always be leading you on whenever he wants to get into bed, and unless you have complete self-control then you won’t be able to say no to him, because the hope of one day getting back together with him will be there. So the only way to fix that is to completely block him off and look for other guys that will satisfy your desire of having a normal boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

Again, thanks for contacting me with your question and hope my advice will give you a different perspective on how you may solve your little problem.

2 Comments »

  • Al said:

    Nice response Robby.. Couldnt have said it any better.. Its just the way the typical Male Brain works… sex is needed and if there is a constant source, where he feels comfortable, he will keep coming back to it all the time until he has a new source, it sucks, but its how it works.. Sorry about your situation Stella.
    .-= Al´s last blog ..Bubble Bum, Kapri Styles Gets Anal Creampie =-.

  • Robby G (author) said:

    @Al: Yeah, that’s basically it. And the excuses are just there to keep Stella from wanting to really figure out his “game plan”, but in the meantime he’s just looking for other girls while being comfortable with his current situation. Sounds horrible, but as Al said, “Sorry about your situation Stella.”


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