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Should the Man Always be First to Make the Move?

4 April 2012 2 Comments

Okay.. first of all I’m loving this page..
I’ve been reading and reading stuff all morning, btw you’re great with advice..
Ok so I have this situation and i really need help.
There’s this guy, we’ve been talking for almost a month now, but we’ve known
each other for so many years but never really talked.
he’s 31 and I’m 24, so there’s this age difference. He just got out of a 5 year
relationship about 4 months ago but he’s not hurting or anything at least he
says he’s better now than he was before. So in about 25 days we been out 10
times–to the movies, shopping, eating, to parties and visiting friends of his,
he invites me everywhere. And we always have a great time, we talk to each
other all day, by the time i get to work at 8am, i already have an email from
him, and we keep talking all day.
So yesterday we watched movies at his place, the living room was occupied so we
watched them in his room (good excuse right?)
so we were in bed… cuddling the whole time (HE STARTED IT) and really close
to each other, when the movie ended we were still in bed and he was acting all
sweet we laugh a little bit, and we were like face to face, under the covers.
There was this moment when it seemed by the way we were hugging each other
that he was dying to at least kiss me..
but… WHY WHY WHYYY WON’T HE KISS ME??? So, by the time i got home everything
was normal. We talked a bit before going to bed..
Surprise Surprise.. I get to work today… and there’s no email. So, I’m like, hes
at work too, so he must be busy, so i send him an email.. tick tock its been 3
hours… and there’s no answer.. did i do something wrong???
WHATS GOIN ON??? I don’t even know.. i have the feeling we’re both seeing where
this leads us..
but geez we were in bed.. and the cuddling and hugging and acting sweet was ALL
HIM.. He started everything..
I don’t even know where I’m standing at, hes probably busy right now.. and he
will eventually answer.. still i don’t know what’s happening…

I read a very interesting article the other week which carried the idea that the rise in the equality of women to men in the West has created a perplexion in men, first and foremost, resulting in slowing down of their ability to mature into men as quickly, as well as misunderstand their own role in the male/female relationship. The line between the role in of a man and a woman is so faded in the work force as well as in the social structure that men feel that their role in their personal life with women has also been altered.

Just a couple of decades ago it was extremely uncommon for a man to be asked out by a woman on a date. It was also uncommon for the woman to make the first move. Now, however, because men and women share such similar roles where it is not uncommon to see men look after their children as well as do chores as often as his wife; and in return see the woman of the house bring home the bread and butter just like her husband; that men have developed an idea that women have as much responsibility as the man when it comes to taking the initiative to make the move on a date.

In your situation, it seems that the guy who clearly had a shot at moving in and making a move that night when you were watching a film was effected by this new male complex. I am personally one of those that would feel slightly emasculated if I was on a date and the girl was the first to make the move. Nonetheless there are many men out there that would prefer the woman to take control and be the instigator since it relieves them of the nerve-racking task of actually doing something that may in fact leave them embarrassed if they misread the girl’s signs. You do, nonetheless, mention that he initialized the hugging and touching, which does lead me to think that he does in fact have it in him to be the one to “pull the trigger”, it is just that he isn’t fully ready yet.

Why he isn’t ready? Well, there’s a few reasons that come to mind, which you will most likely have to evaluate for yourself because I don’t know the man personally. He could just not be ready yet since his last relationship lasted 5 years and it is difficult to move on from such long term commitments. It could also be that he is a very committing type and he doesn’t want to rush things because he feels that what you share has the ability to develop into a long term relationship, so he is being cautious that you get to know him really well first and then fall for him before he can take things further and also make things official.

Your best move now is to probably do exactly what a woman with complete equality to men should do if she pleases, and that is to be the initializer and make a move. I doubt he’ll go ape-shit and run away in total panic. So you (as well as all the girls out there who are waiting for the guy they hang out with and like to make a move) should just take a crack at giving more than just a hint to the man they like in order to see what he’s really feeling.


  • Fer said:

    im loving the ”YOU (as well as all the girls out there who are waiting for the guy they hang out with and like to make a move)should just take a crack at giving more than just a hint to the man they like in order to see what he’s really feeling.

    I loved ur answer, i feel that u totally hit the stop to where this guy is standing, he is in fact a person who likes to get to know better the people hes with, before trusting them or in this case letting me know he is really interested..

    i tried doing this… giving to him exactly what i get from him… if he shows interest i show it to.. if he texts me i answer right away.. if he invites me im there, cause if i invite him he’s there also.. so if he starts to show he wants more than a friendship ill let him know im also interested in him right away…

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Fer: Yeah I feel that’s the best approach for you at the moment and hopefully soon enough he’ll realize he has a great girl that likes him and you too will hit it off. If there’s any development, feel free to come back and drop us an update 🙂

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