Show Her what She’d be Missing
So ive had a crush on this girl for a while. we recently started talking and
hanging out all the time. when i told her i was deffinetly interested in her
she said she was interested too just didn’t want to date at the time. Even
though she didnt want to date, we still took the relationship to the next
level. We cuddle, kiss and have sex. By now I really have feelings for her
(not because of the sex but we were friends before) she seems to like me
back, she does little things that one wouldn’t generally do in just a
strictly sexual relationship. It’s just a really confusing situation and I
could use a little help.
If you want her to be your official girlfriend then it could take some time to make her feel comfortable with the title. You are on the right track right now and everything that is happening between the two of you is superb. The fact that you don’t only sleep with each other but also cuddle and I assume also go out in public as friends, since you said that you still maintain the friendship, then you shouldn’t be too nervous about everything falling into place quite soon. In your situatio, you are doing everything flawlessly and I believe that her telling you that she doesn’t want to date is because she doesn’t want to ruin the friendship aspect of your relationship, however she doesn’t realize that when friends have sex, friendship gets slightly altered. Initially it could have just been sex for her, but she knew that you were interested in her as more than just a friend with benefits when you two got into sleeping with each other. Now, if you do not want to ruin what you have and instead would like to build on it, then you should not bring up the question of starting a formal relationship with her if you see that she is not responding with emotional attachment right now. However, telling me that she likes to cuddle and spend time with you as friends along with sleeping with you makes it evident that she does like you as more than just a fuck buddy or as just a friend.
In your shoes, I would simply continue doing what you’re doing and slowly lure her into liking me more and more. There is no need to be any nicer or seem any more interested in her than you already are, because slight sign of “obssession” in her mind can make he void the arrangement from a fear that you are getting too attached. Basically, whatever you are currently doing is correct and though I know it makes you anxious that she is not interested in stamping your relationship as official, you must appreciate what you have and you will see that stronger long-term relationships are formed through friendships that turn into friendships with benefits, and finally formal relationships. Your relationship is gradually heading where you want and this is the perfect opportunity to see any flaws that you may pick up in her. Also, since she might be nervous in changing what you have into something very serious, it is upto you to make her feel comfortable with the idea of one day having a concrete relationship. Being there for her and at the same time knowing when to give her her indepenedence and space are great ways to assure her that though you would make a good, caring boyfriend, you also do not hover over her like an over-protective or over-controlling man. Finding that sweet balance could be the key to showing her that you’re someone she doesn’t want to lose.