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Some Things Just Don’t Make Sense

5 July 2010 One Comment

I read your article about why men lead us on, and it does make sense.
However I just had a situation that nothing I read covers. I met a really
nice guy online, we had a lot in common, and he kept saying how excited he
was that we got along so well. We’d spend nights watching movies online
together, sharing music and all sorts of mushy stuff. Of course I was
getting into him. We finally went out on a date a few weeks later – we were
both nervous and told each other so. I was attracted to him, but had no clue
if he was into me. He kept his gentleman stature so I had no idea how to
read him. We hung out for 9 hours that day… had dinner, went shopping, saw
a band. He dropped me off at home, we said we had fun, and good night. As
soon as I got into my apartment, he texted me saying that he had fun and
wanted to go out again – he wanted to say that in the car but got “flustered
by the first date goodnight”. I said yes I’d love to go out again. For the
next week, each day we talked less and less and didn’t have another date.
But he would tell me he wanted to go to a movie or dinner soon. I wouldn’t
stalk or hound him – I never went into scary girl mode. After a week of not
hearing from him, I texted saying I hoped he was doing fine. He wrote back
saying that he wasn’t sure he could be more than friends, and didn’t know
how to tell me without hurting my feelings. My question is this: is there a
reason men will lie about being interested when there’s no benefit? He
clearly wasn’t into hanging out just for sex – we didn’t even kiss. Yet he
said immediately he wanted to go out again and lead me on for two weeks
before telling me this. Why put that extra effort in? Is there a reason? Or
does this only happen when they’ve found someone else they’re more into? Any
answers appreciated!

It really sounds odd that he would this, because he gave off all the signals that would make you think he likes you and is having a great time, but then all of a sudden cuts it off telling you he doesn;’t want anything serious. Though in this case it would be great to know what is currently going on in his life, I must say that there are numerous reasons he may have done what he did. One of those reasons could surely be that his ex-girlfriend or someone new came into his life that he had been going after for a long time and decided to break things off completely with you in order to try his luck with the new girl. This is of course an assumption, but what I mean is that there was no logical reason why he should pull a 180 just like that after he was having such a great time with you. When I read that he even texted you after the first date and told you he really enjoyed it and wanted to try it again sometime, I felt like he is really keen on this follow-up date because you simply do not text message a girl right after the date to tell her how excited he is to try it again sometime unless you’re really into the girl.

What Now?

To be frank, it was only one date and there are plenty of times that men and women both act irrational or unexpectedly, so I think it’s best to call him one more time and ask if he wants to go out sometime and see how he answers. If he refuses, then just move on and find someone who is more suitable. Also, people tend to be a lot different when they chat and how the portray themselves over the internet and how they act in person. He may have thought that you were compatible when you two chatted online, but when it was in real life, he might have gotten a different impression. Again, I know it feels weird that he would lead you on like that, but I am sure there are reasons to why he decided to tell you what he did that time on the phone that neither you or I currently know. There wasn’t too much time invested into him, so use this as an experience and I’d suggest that you move on.

One Comment »

  • Johanna said:

    Thank you Robby! Your input was spot on. There must be something else going on with an ex or something (he is divorced, I’m not sure about who else he might have been dating). It’s just pretty nice to know that a guy agrees that his actions didn’t make sense, and I’m hoping that it doesn’t happen to often to other chicks. I’ve definitely moved on from this one – thanks so much!


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