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Sometimes it’s Best to Cut Losses and Move On

9 June 2010 No Comment

I met an old HS BF on FB again after some 25+yrs..(yes I am older then most
of your peeps). So anyways this guy and I start chatting on FB, our
blackberrys as well as the phone for 3 months straight everyday no matter
what we were doing we always touched base wth one another. So after a few
months we decided to meet again. I fly out to his hometown and we had drinks
and apps. Now we had already more or less knew we were going to have sex so
it was no surprise when we did. We spent the following day together and then
went to a friends of his house for dinner because they wanted to meet me.
After I returned home things got a little strange. I guess i should give u
a lil back story on him to be fair. He is in the middle of a divorce and I
knew that going into it. I was not looking to start a long distance
relationship but i will admit that i was hoping we could date from a
distance, i mean really people do it all the time. So now things are weird.
He claims that he is a mess and that his divorce has devistated him and he
just has no energy to put into another relatiosnhip and that he needs to
concentrate on his kids and job right now. Now i understand all of that…So
i guess my confussion is this.. Why did our relationship have to change
after my visit?? He claims to really care about me and like me alot and that
we can start this up again when he feels like he is ready..So is he just
saying these things to keep me around or does he really have feeling for
me..??? Help

He was most likely very interested in you when you two began to reconnect over Facebook and he was enjoying the safety of you being at a distance from him, so he knew you could not have a real serious relationship, yet he did like speaking to you and sharing thoughts. After a while he began to think that maybe there could be something intriguing that could develop from this long-distance relationship and he had you visit him. After you two had sex, he felt a sudden disconnection from you, realizing that all the mystery and fascination that existed in the long-distance relationship disappeared and there was no longer anything to actually look forward to anymore, because you had already done the one thing that you could not do over Facebook or texts. So once the fantasy that was creating of you was realized with your visit, he came to understand what he was getting himself into.

The Good Guy Rejection

Once he slept with you and things dawned on him, he figured that he may not be ready for what is next to come, which may or may not be a long-distance relationship. That was when he told you that he still likes you and wants to stay in touch but not start anything up right now. This is him simply telling you that he is not looking for any relationship and not really wait for him, but he is doing it with an excuse that he thinks will not hurt you and he will not look like the jerk. What he is really doing, however, is giving you hope to which there is no real reward. I’m sorry to say, but I think he will not remain as close to you as he did before you two slept with each other. At first of course he may still chat with you regularly but gradually he will distance himself to seem like you two drifted instead of looking like an asshole and abruptly discontinuing your chats. When a man likes a woman and he knows they can be together, he will always find a way to not have any excuses to stand in his way, especially when he went as far as inviting you to visit him, have sex with you, then come up with a lame reason that his kids or his current situation is in the way.

Your Next Move?

I would not suggest that you wait for him to get his life straightened out before he begins to “date” you and instead you should move on with your life and look for someone else. You may not like my advice, but I truly think this is the situation right now and instead of pursuing something that has no future, it is best to cut your losses and find someone that is more suitable and does not come up with excuses to not be with you. If you want to keep chatting with him then it’s up to you, but it may make you like him even more over time instead of helping you move on from him, even though I know you said you currently do not want any serious long-term relationship.


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