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Starting a Sex-Life

26 November 2011 No Comment

So I’m a 20 year old girl. I was never really interested in relationships until
recently, but now all I want is to be touched by a guy who cares about me. I’ve
been pretty deprived of touch for a while, since when I was younger, I shied
away from it. But now, when I get it, I really like it. A couple of weeks ago, I
was hanging out with a bunch of friends at their apartment and sitting on a
couch with a good platonic friend. He was a bit drunk and gets pretty
affectionate when he is drunk, and i was really tired, so I leaned against him,
and he put his arm around me. For about an hour, while we were all just talking,
he kept rubbing my arm and my side and leaning his head on mine.
A week later, I was home for a break, and I was with a bunch of friends in my
basement watching tv. A different guy friend of mine (who was also drinking) and
I were sharing a seat. At first, it was because there weren’t enough seats for
everyone there, but even after a few people left and there was extra room, he
kept insisting that we share. We have always been platonic– he’s a frat boy and
has always been into hookups, and I am completely not into that. But anyway, for
a couple of hours, I was sharing this seat and lying partially on top of him,
while he put his arm around me and stroked my arm and tickled my belly.
I guess the question is, am I wrong for doing this? Am I sending the wrong
impression? I’m a little slow and have not yet been kissed… and the delay has
made me pretty self-conscious about being physical with anyone. So I figure that
the more I cuddle with guys, the more comfortable I will be with going further
with them… and also, it just feels really good to be held. Thoughts?

It’s always a big moment when a woman feels like she is ready to take the next step and obtain a ‘sex-life’. If you are certain that you are ready that you want to start dating with the possibility of getting intimate, you must not only be mentally prepared for it, but you must know what it is you’re actually interested in. You must be careful about what you start with your “platonic” friends because if you do give your male friends a reason to start something sexual with you, it may complicate your friendship.

Especially because you are inexperienced, you must know that confidence is probably the most crucial element in beginning a sex-life. You must not only be ready to finally have sex, but you must be ready for disappointments that may come with your first sexual encounter. For instance, there are many guys out there that just want to have sex or start something strictly sexual, some are only interested in a one-night stand, and there are others that are in fact interested in love and everything that comes with it.

The biggest mistake you can make initially is give the wrong impression and give off signals that you want to hook-up with a guy but end up just being a tease. This isn’t good for you or him, because it may put the wrong label on you and you may feel vulnerable and pressured to do things that you may not yet want. I personally do not think that you should attempt anything with your male friends unless you know it may lead to something more serious. Because if you have sex with that friend and he’s not serious about starting a relationship, it will either end your friendship or complicate it irreversibly.

Back to Basics

Best way for you to get started is to simply flirt with the guys you find attractive. Do not make it sound slutty, but simple enough that the guy understands that you may have some interest in him. Do not be forward, but allow him to take the lead and ask you on a date. Dating is probably what you’re looking for at this time, because you get to know the person and see what he’s like before you get too intimate. Start off small by first kissing and maybe second base, and when you’re ready and comfortable with the guy, go ahead and have sex with him.

If you wait out a little and see that he’s still interested in you without having to sleep on the first date then you will build something more meaningful between you two and it may even last as something long-term.

Sleeping with a guy simply out of curiosity is something you probably should avoid because losing your virginity will not be as special and it may give others the wrong impression of you.

Male Friends

Even though many argue with me about male-female ‘platonic’ friendships, I believe that in most cases if the girl gives the guy the hint that she wants to have sex, the guy will not refuse, especially if they are drunk. Even thought the male friend may not be explicit about it or even know it at the time, but subconsciously they are interested in sleeping with their female friend no matter how much they claim that they are in a strictly platonic friendship. So you must be wary of making your male friends think that you’re giving them a green light when in truth you are just trying to satisfy your own curiosity. For instance, that situation that you had with sharing a seat with your friend, a simple friendly thing for him to do would be to have you switch over to the empty seat once the others left, logically speaking. Yet he insisted you keep sharing it with him, so that alone proves that there is some interest that you’re evoked in him that you may or may not have done intentionally.

Being self-conscious about getting physical with a man is normal, but you should try to get rid of those feelings because they aren’t going to be helpful in any way. Be confident and proud of the fact that you’re 20 and haven’t slept with a guy yet, because that way a man will see that you’re not like many of the girls out there and they will feel like an achievement if they ever do get to sleep with you. You should use your virginity as something to show your self-worth rather than be pressured to do things just because society claims it’s time to do so.

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