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Stay Friends and Have Hope

6 September 2010 No Comment

Hey Robby,
Three years ago I slept with my first guy without being in a relationship
with him. I was totally innocent and stupid about guys, and thought I could
turn him into a BF by sleeping with him. We didn’t date, but in time (due to
my emotional attachment) we became FB, for 2 whole years. Sometimes he gave
me mixed signals, he was affectionate and all, but never tried to date me.
We did a lot of sexual stuff for the first time together and somehow saw
each other mature (we are in our early 20s), and I definitely got more
experienced, and had sex with other guys on the side – but have always
wanted this particular one as my BF.
He is now dating a girl who resembles me 90%, both physically and
personality-wise, and told me he is “in love”. He just doesn’t seem to see
how much I have grown as a woman, how well I can seduce guys and so on. I am
every bit as good as his current gf (or so all our common friends say), but
he seems to still see the little stupid virgin when he looks at me. I do
like him a lot and can’t accept the fact that my first guy turned out to be
such a waste of 2 years.
I am now trying to disappear from his life (which is tough because we both
go to the same small college and live in the same building), but can’t give
up the idea of dating him and showing him who I really am – outside the
bedroom. Is that possible, or do you think that he sees me as “once a whore,
always a whore”?

Thanks, love your site btw!

I think it’s rediculous to think that he would see you as “once a whore, always a whore” in this situation, and I also think you shouldn’t view your 2 years spent with him as a waste of time. You obviously grew up (obviously physically but also mentally) within that time frame and he was there with you throughout that period. That entire phase of sexual experimentation you went through was shared with him even though you might have had other guys on the side. Sure, you two are not together right now but you have shared a history that is both important to you and I can guarantee it is just as important to him. The fact that he is dating a girl that is 90% similar to you already says something about him. When a man falls in love with a girl (especially when it is his first love) and they break up, he tends to look for girls that remind them of his ex. So even though you were fuck buddies, I am sure that he liked you more than just that, but never ended up revealing that to you for personal reasons.

Currently, he is dating someone else and seems quite satisfied with her. What you can do is remain friends and open his eyes to how great a girl you are. If you live in the same building and go to the same college and you share similar qualities to his girlfriend, it is a matter of time until he realizes that everything he wants is right there in front of him. Don’t try to convince him to start dating you, instead just be very friendly so he falls for your personality. Then if there is a spark that he feels, he will be the one to make the move. But trust me, you don’t want to make him your one and only right now. Try and go out and find new guys while still being friends with him. Also, once you’re dating other men, it may make him start wanting you more once you show him that you’re sort of “over” him and can easily find other men for yourself. As long as you keep the friendship going, there will be a chance for you. The fact that he’s dating someone else right now makes this situation much more difficult. Because if you are the cause of their break-up and he ends up cheating on her with you, I personally always get the feeling that that person is liable to cheat again if they’ve already done it once before.

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