Home » Relationship Tips

Staying Together Through Good Times and Bad

19 May 2010 5 Comments

Help!!!! Ok here goes, I have been getting to know this guy for 6 months now.
He is in the army so I get to see him a few times a month depending when he
is back home. Since the day we met we ain’t stopped textin, more than often
he texts first, and always ending with gud night sweet dreams. When we meet
up it’s not just for sex. When we do have sex, the sex has now changed he is
even more considersate, intermate, kissing my lower back and legs, strokin
my hair. After we lie there him holding me, have random convo, making each
other laugh, telling me stories of work. We then get dressed to go down
stairs for a smoke we are there talking he holding me constanly kissing me
tucking his hands into top of my jeans, when we stop kissin he still
holds me. He kissed me on the forehead and still even more slow soft kissed
when he leaves. Then after he has gone 15-20 mins later he texts!
While he was in Afghanistan he was messaging me when he cud, which I wasn’t
expecting, then soon as he got home the constant texts started again. He met
me for a drink the morning after he was back. I wanted to go for a “ride” in
the car but he surprised me with the answer, I want our first time since me
being back to be good not a fumble in the back seat, do you mind if we wait!!
He tells me he likes me, sends me photo which he takes for me and that no
one else has seen, he says I’m addictive, when he thinks he has said
something wrong to me and I don’t text back he calls and gets worried!! He
goes back away for 6 months but already has plans to stay in contact when
away and see me when he gets back. Is this someone who has feelings for me?

Soldier's goodbye & Bobbie the cat, ca. 1939-ca. 1945 / by Sam Hood
Clearly from the first detail to the last that you have described, this soldier doesn’t only have feelings for you, he has intense feelings for you. Passionate kisses, cuddles, texts, romantic sex, it all adds up to the fact that he really likes you and hopes that you have a future when he returns from the war. You should really take into consideration that he feels deeply passionate about you and that you are most likely going to be the last girl he will be with for the next 6 months. I don’t want to scare you but you must also realize that in a situation such as his, you will be a girl that he will be fantasizing during the time he serves in Afghanistan so you should try and help him get through his time there without adding on any extra worry. What I mean by that, I believe he will be expecting letters and certain ways to stay in contact with you and though you may have began as just a couple hooking up, it has become something much more serious.

Staying a Strong Couple

The real question here should be if you feel strongly for him or not, because it is very clear that he cares for you very much. He is going away for 6 months and expects you to be there when he returns, so you must really try and be there for him during his time away. In this situation, you must try to be more giving simply because he relies on you for emotional support more than anyone around him. If it were any other type of job that he had then emotional support would not mean as much, but a soldier away in Afghanistan needs it more than anyone. Though it sounds like a burden to some extent, I think you must make a decision whether or not you will be there for him during his time away and when he returns now before he departs and learns that you lost interest in him and emotionally devastate him through a letter. I wish you and him both the best of luck.


  • Kate said:

    I forgot to say that when I first met him he had given notice to leave the army after he had done his 6 month, then he is planning on movin to australia where his mom now lives.

    Since my last post he confessed that if he wasn’t leaving that he wud want to make a go of things, which was nice to hear but don’t no y he had to say it, if nothing can cum of it?
    That same night he introduced me to his friends and was still the same effectionate self in front of them, I found out he had told his best friend about me.

    Aweek later in convo I brought up wot he had said and said I felt the same and here is the text I said to him can’t I pretend I don’t no ur going away:
    Well as much as u pretend it’s still going to happen, and it’s when u give it a go that all the arguments and stuuf happen and I don’t want that as I enjoy spending time with u x
    then said :Sorry but being honest as I know what it gets like when I’m away x
    I got the impression he was on about being away with work not moving?
    His ex wife cheated while he was away which prob explains y he wudnt want to start things days before he starts 6 months away. the night he confessed his feelings He asked me for a favour which was not to let him hold mr back while he was away, Cuz I can and will find someone better?? Wot was that about? Was it just to see my answer? He was happy with my answer of wanting to wait for him.
    He got jealous when he thought a man had brought mr flowers, he didn’t like when I said that I wud keep in touch while away but when he came back maybe it was best we didn’t see each other!
    I just don’t no if he is just protecting himself from gettin hurt by not actually taking the plunge b4 work, or if he is waiting out till he is back just to see if I stick to wot I said about not going with any1 else! Do u think he might consider not moving to auss if we are still having our thing?

    Oh he also posted the song mrs jones on my Facebook on a status saying this will explain it, the night I met his mates he posted on his me and miss jones miss jones, then was singing it to me all night, and he by the way told me he had set it as my caller ringtone,

    So can u help cuz I’m lost on this one!! X

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Kate: He definitly really likes you and all of his questions and attempts to get you to say that you will not wait for him are just there to make you be honest with him. His wife cheated and he is very sensitive to the issue, therefore you must do all you can to be honest with him and communicate your feelings to him. Him not moving to Australia would mean that he will expect you to commit to something more serious than what you currently share, so you must be careful in how you word your feelings. If you are ready to take things more seriously then you should be honest to him about it, and if not then you should let him down lightly.
    It also seems like his past relationships have mostly ended back and he is in a very sensitive and defensive place in his life, and you should try to go easy on him. If you are serious about your relationship then try to be as sympathetic as you can when with him. He clearly cares a lot for you if he has told his friends about you and acts as affectionate with you around his friends as when you are alone. He seems like the kind that falls in love easy and it is up to you to really let your emotions play this time in the relationship rather than being logical about the situation, if you know what I mean.

    Reply to Comment

  • Kate said:

    I now can admit to myself that he has feeling for we which I too share for him, and I understand with work that it’s hard to be in a brand new propa relationship when u are miles apart and only can have small amounts of communication. Think being scared of being cheated on plays a big part and the fact he now has feeling makes it harder for him.

    I totally see his point when he said that making a go of thing wud make it more likely to arguments n stuff to start and I like him don’t want that either!! We both like how things are now, enjoying each others company, like the way we are and things we say to each other and how we are comfortable with each other! There is nothing broke so why fit it… Maybe he is lookin to see if while he is away for me to in a way prove myself and I mean wot I say?

    He had no real reason to confess his feelin to me unless he wasn’t thinking about wot it wud be like giving it ago, it wasnt a thing to say if u was just saying it to be nice, cuz there are many other ways to say u care! Did he want mr to no that he had these feeling so I wud say how I felt back?

    I will still be here when he gets back, more than likely dying to see him!!!

    Do we have what is the start of something … is this how relationships start….Just with afew complications which makes us hold back cuz we don’t want to ruin wot we have especial days before he goes to work?
    Is it ok to carry this on and let things take it’s own course? Think wot I want to no is cud this turn into something more if I’m still here when he gets back? Should I still be here for when he cums back? Does he have true feeling for me but just scared to admit them at the mo cuz he is going??

    Reply to Comment

    Robby G Reply:

    @Kate: All relationships, no matter how new they are, have their complications. I’ve had a long distance relationship before and it worked well. The moments when we finally saw each other it was the greatest feeling on earth, and I can say that you two will appreciate each other much more when you see each other after such a long time apart. Due to his past, he is having a difficult time admitting that he has feelings for you, but he makes it known through his actions, so you shouldn’t worry about it. I can’t really say if it will turn into something more serious, because only time will tell and though it doesn’t sound like it, 6 months is a long time. The most important thing is to stay in touch during his time away and let each other know that you both are there for each other. Don’t stress things now and just enjoy the time you two have together. But to be clear, you do have something that makes a strong relationship.

    Reply to Comment

  • Kate said:

    U have so much help clearing things up for me so thank u!!

    We spent some time together yesterday which was the last time we wud see each other till sept. We obviously shared the physical side which I thought wud be the main point of seeing each other but actually no, we spent most time on the sofa chatting!! The time came when he was soon to go and it became that momment, holding n kissing, none of us wanting to be the one to end the kisses, he kissed my forehead n held it for afew mins which was nice n affectionate. We stood up to go and in a clinch I asked him if he wanted me to be here in sept n he said yes of course I do, so I asured him I wud be! Then we said our see u soons and he went!

    Within the hour he text saying it was nice to see u today, I replied agreeing, then we end like normal texting till after midnight just about random stuff, joinking with each other, being like we normally are.

    I no I care for him and do honestly enjoy this thing that we have as I no it’s now more than just sex. I will defo keep in touch while he is away. I still think he will go to auss at some point but he may just take longer to sort out the paper work lol, I’m just going enjoy wotever cums as I like wot we have.

    Life is so unpredicable and that’s wot keeps us on our toes!

    Reply to Comment

Leave your Thoughts!