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Take It As It Comes

7 July 2011 No Comment

hey Rob

Love the advice you give. I too have a fuck-buddy relationship. I really
like this guy alot and i think i intitially blew my chances of having a
relationship with him…as it was my idea to have a fuck-buddy relationship.
anyway the situation now is that i have feelings for him and dont know if i
should tell him how i feel. i dont want to lose him in anyway, but also dont
want to lose the potential of having a full on relationship. the last time
we hooked up he told me about his ex and why they broke up and why it is so
hard for him to have a relationship and that he wont go out looking for
love, it has to come find him… is that his way of telling me that he’s
ready for a relationship??? for the past 18months that we’ve been seeing
each other i always sleep over at his place and he leaves for work and i let
myself out, so obviously he trusts me!? what is your view on this??? oh we
never used to kiss during the sex and the last time we actually did…

He told you that love has to come and find him. This is a great move forward in your relationship, because he clearly is comfortable enough to tell you things that he would most probably not tell many other people. He feels good around you and enjoys talking openly about his past and what he wants in the future. He is not looking for love, so that obviously means that he isn’t out there chasing every girl he sees, and he is more interested in love coming to him, meaning that your affection and “relationship” is sinking through to him. Seeing him for 18 months is a long time and even though nothing serious may have been discussed, you both are getting used to each other and that alone is a great feat. Many people in formal relationships can’t hold down a relationship that long. Also, in most FB relationships where the woman or man is emotionally attached things do not work out because one wants more than the other and the relationship falls apart. In your case however, it appears that you both are rather comfortable with how things are progressing and neither of you is pushing for more, but are instead allowing the relationship to take its course. And over this course, you have learned a lot about each other, while keeping the sexual intimacy in play. 18 months is enough time to realize if you will easily get bored with your partner, but this does not seem to be the issue for you or him, so the chances of things improving are high, I would say.

I personally do not think that you should rush things nor try to adjust too much in your relationship. However, being slightly more affectionate may help in letting him know that you are not losing interest in him and that he doesn’t need to be looking for anyone else to supply him the love he needs. What you may do which he may really appreciate and what may improve things is make him a nice dinner while he’s at work so when he comes back you two can have a date without having to go out, and it would be romantic too. The fact that neither of you clearly express that you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean that you cannot treat each other the way you would your boyfriend. This, nonetheless, only works out well if he understands that it’s not okay with you for him to be sleeping around with other women on the side, because after all in the beginning you did tell him that you are more interested in a FB relationship than any formal one. But with the way he has been treating you and what he said about not wanting to look for love but have it come to him instead, I wouldn’t worry much about him finding anyone else for the time being.


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