Take it As it Comes
i have been seeing this guy once a week for about 12 months. He has always
said its casual he doesnt want a relationship. He broke it off with his gf
about 4 months ago.The relationship before her was a very serious one he
asked her to marry him etc but she ended it with him leaving him a complete
wreck. So he’s very warey of relationships. He has shown signs of jealousy but
also says i should see other men but if i do i will always fantasize about
him and he gurantees the sex will never be the same as it is with us. We text
all day every day and i complained once that i would like to see him more
than once a week, a bit of a threat really so now he sees me twice a week. Its
gone from the odd working day to seeing me at weekends as well. I also said i
think we should go out for a drink now and then as that has never happened
and he has said we will.Then the other day he told me he has nothing in
common with me and we’re not on the same wave lenth, what i would like to
know is, is he hiding his feelings from me or are we really just f buddies?
he knows how i feel about him and would like a relationship.But i find the
messages and signals confusing.
I find it rather interesting that he tells you to go see other people yet says that the sex will not be as good as it is between you two now. I think he’s trying to keep you “on a leash” so to speak by acting like a nice guy but at the same time crushing the idea that the sex can be as good wtih anyone else as with him. He probably just views you as a fuck buddy and uses these mixed signals to keep you from completely breaking off this sort of relationship because he himself does not want anything too serious at this point. This confussion arises from him being ambiguous and not clearly explaining to you what he wants. He agrees to your “threats” to see each other more times during the week, but then once he figures there is too much responsibility in that, he comes out and says that you two are very different and are on separate wavelengths.
In this situation, I really feel like both of you are searching for different things. You want something concrete to come out of your relationship, while he does not exactly know what he wants aside from having fun while he figures things out. You could give him an ultimatum, but I really think he won’t fall for it here, because he hasn’t shown too much committment to your relationship. You may want to ease up off him a little bit and let things happen naturally without pushing too many demands on him and overtime he may come through, but of course there is no guarantee in that either. Maybe if you could see it from his side and at according to his needs then he may want to start something more serious in less time. He wants someone fun and not too interested in anything really serious, so that would mean you’d have to give him his space while at the same time being there for him when he needs someone for company. That way he may after a short while want to take things to the next level.